I went from nearly one extreme to the other. First, I talked to Mr. Can’t Get Ov3r You, who started out as fun and easy. It was all just texting and it didn’t cross my mind to even consider meeting up with him till 4 months later. We met in April, the non-date coffee date lasted twice as long as I thought it would last. Regardless, we didn’t meet up again till August. He was the one I wanted to date and yet he remained in exactly the same place he had been when we first talked 14 months ago. It’s really hard for him to open up, he tries to ignore feelings he’s uncomfortable with, and I think he’s been burned a few too many times by those close to him.
I was finally ready to accept the fact that he would never be what I wanted him to be and I began dating again (No, I did not remain completely single waiting for Mr. Can’t Get Ov3r You to finally change his mind- I went on many a first dates).
That’s when I met Mr. Romantic. He would send me Good Morning and Good Night texts, paragraphs of my great qualities and how appreciative he was of me. He was kind and respectful, buying me my favorite candy for my birthday even though we hadn’t known each other for long at all. He brought new button down shirts because he wanted to look sharp for me on date night. It would have been easy to love him.
Am I just supposed to date the guy because it would be easier on me? Despite Mr. Romantic being easy to love, he had 3 strike -outs on my deal breakers and our futures did not line up together. Do I date Mr. Romantic selfishly because he’s good for my self -esteem even though he’s not actually right for me? Sure, Mr. Can’t Get Ov3r You is seen as harder to love but does that mean he deserves it less? I don’t think I’ve always been easy to love, was there a point in time when I did not deserve love just like everyone else?
Maybe this is more about me than either of those boys. Because whether I’m talking about my heart or my head, I’m still talking about me. Maybe I have to wonder why my head doesn’t agree with my heart. And why my heart would even want something that doesn’t want it back. And what’s stopping my heart from following my head.
(If you read this article hoping for an answer of Head vs. Heart, it’s Heart that will always win.)