I hope most of you are reading this because you read yesterday’s blog post and decided to check back for the update!

He said… No to me but I said… Yes (to myself)!

The first time I ask it’s still kind of vague. I ask if he’ll take me out some time this month. I don’t really say where, when, or what. All he did was avoid it and say he works a lot. I was giving him time in advance though so that it could be a day he had off from work…

Since I had recently worked up the courage to ask him once, I figured I have to ask him again to be sure. No more of the vague nonsense. This time I wanted to be more specific. I told him a date and what we would be doing that. He said it sounded great and he would totally be there if he wasn’t working.

WAIT. Yeah, you heard me. He said he would totally be there, AS IF I haven’t been wanting to hang out with him for the past two months?!

So I consulted two friends for a male and female perspective. Except it wasn’t two different perspectives, they agreed he wasn’t stepping up and the only reason he was interested in the date was because it involved ice cream and he has a sweet tooth. Nothing to do with seeing me.

I told Stubborn to be direct with me and straight up tell me he wasn’t interested in seeing me. He said “nah” (Yeah, I WISH I was making this up). Nah what? Nah, you’re just an A*hole or Nah, you can’t say that because you ARE interested in seeing me?

I said Why not

He said Because.

 (I’d like to say when you don’t make a legit argument it’s because a) you don’t have one b) you just don’t care enough or c) you’re still just an A*hole Hint: It looks like all 3 apply here).

I said Because you’re just selfish and want me in your back pocket…?

He said No but I told him to knock it off and then I never talked to him again.

I’m done being the one putting in all the effort. I’m done getting no effort in return. I’m done feeling like I’m not enough (because in reality, no one is enough for him right now). I’m done feeling like I’m hard to love because I’m not and it’s time I realize that. I’m done because I deserve more than a 10% relationship.

If you want me, make the effort because I’m done.

 

*^ So I wrote this right when it happened but only decided to post it now. It’s been 4 weeks! Some days were tougher than others but I never gave in. I’m finally strong enough to not use this crutch that I used to hide from loneliness and from the fear of really putting myself out there for a true relationship where I could get hurt.

I’m finally free.