I don’t know if it was the nostalgia of the holidays or what but I’ve been thinking about my two ‘exes’ a lot. That’s actual total BS, it wasn’t the holidays because every time I hear a loud truck engine I think of Mr. Romantic and Stubborn’s favorite season is Fall so I thought about him and now it’s the month of the Capricorn so I think of him again.
I actually wrote a list of all the things that remind me of Stubborn, I titled it “Things Stubborn ‘ruined’ for Me”. Surprisingly, it wasn’t that long. So what gives? The guy never gave me the time of day so why 2-3 months later does going into his part of town affect me so much? I decided to play along with that 1 week for every month break up idea, turns out I’d still have 2 months and 3 weeks left. But that wouldn’t explain why I still think about Mr. Right, I should have been over him in 6 weeks.
Do I have an obsessive personality? I am I not over these boys? Do I feel like each ‘relationship’ was left unfinished? Am I a hopeless romantic caring too deeply?
I tend to give up on shows mid season so I don’t really think obsessive is right. Mr. Right and I don’t have a possible future together and Stubborn could never show his appreciation for me so I don’t really think it’s because they were ‘the one that got away’. So the only current option left is my hopeless romantic heart.
Mr. Romantic actually wished me a Happy Holidays last month so I don’t feel so weak for thinking about him because clearly he was thinking about me too. And I believe he’s a hopeless romantic as well so this just solidifies my own theory.
Hopeless Romantics always want love to work out. They constant seek out love and are warmed by the feeling. I don’t think any other feeling will compare to romantic love and therefore I cannot wait for the day I find it. But this idea often makes me a fool for love. I try forcing love where it is not (Stubborn) and I try stealing a love that is not meant for me (Mr. Right), trying to make a round peg fit into a square hole.
I think about my exes because they helped me learn what type of love I’m looking to receive and give to my future mate. And for that, I must Thank them. I also look forward to the day that old memories are replaces with new and that list shrinks down further till I rarely think of them at all.
Because God help me if I’m 50 and Eric Church’s Springsteen comes on the radio and I still think of Stubborn being 18 and falling in love with some girl he met before me.