Sometimes you end up planning a date that after a few days you regret agreeing to. You might only talk to someone for a couple of days but it’s the weekend so he’s rushing a date you’re not really sure you want to go on yet. Or after talking for a bit longer, you realize you’re not really interested in him. But you both already talked about your mutual love of tacos and a date was hatched days ago when you were more open to the idea (and you just can’t resist tacos).
There are two ways to get out of a date you don’t really want to go on. You either be completely straight forward or you ghost a few days before. Although I think it’s good to be honest and not lead someone on, some people do not accept No as an answer. Then there’s confrontation that could lead to you being guilted to go on the date anyway!
When Do I Ghost?
Sometimes you’re both on the same page. The messages back and forth have become sporadic and you’ve both lost interest but you’re being polite in conversation. You both mutually fade/ ghost out.
Some times I ghost you because I don’t want to hurt your feelings. You’re a nice guy with a solid job but our conversations have been bland and we just don’t have the chemistry. There’s nothing wrong with you so I don’t want you to start thinking that there is or resenting being told that you’re a ‘nice guy’.
Other times I ghost you because I don’t want to deal with the backlash of your butt hurt feelings. I ghost you because I don’t want confrontation or to be bullied into a date to test our compatibility. I trust my gut over some random guy over the internet.
Why Ghosting should be left to Ghosts
I’ve been on both sides of ghosting so I get why people hate being ghosted too. You thought everything was going well and suddenly nothing.
- You wonder where it went wrong?
- If there was just a misunderstanding that could be worked out?
- What’s wrong with you that he left?
- Was it just that he found someone better?
It’s arguably one of the worst dating etiquettes to break because it can really tear down someone’s self worth. It could be the reason someone gives up on love and the reason they stop loving themselves.
The thing is though, maybe the reason he leaves is the reason another man stays. Should you be constantly molding yourself, cutting off limbs so that you will be to his liking? You’re not meant to fit into everyone’s perfect match checklist box.
And it’s a heavy burden to take responsibility of everyone’s self esteem. It could do more damage to give someone reasons why you’re not interested in them. They could become self conscious of certain traits, where it’s really just a matter of personal preference.
So ghost or not ghost, you’re still a person of worth.