Picky Daters

For me, first dates take a lot of mental effort. It requires you to carve out new time in your routine, the nervousness of meeting someone new, and as a reserved and introverted being, the social draining from constant conversation for multiple hours.

For these reasons, I don’t jump at every date. If I’ve only been talking to a guy about really trivial things for the past three days then I may want more time getting to know him before agreeing to give him my free afternoon. I’ve been coerced into first dates before and have learned to stick with my gut now. There’s always going to be a few things you have in common with a stranger, that doesn’t mean you’re meant to be.

It’s also important I ask what their intentions are before agreeing to meet up as well. I want to go on an actual date, not just chill at your house or in your car. Those can be part of the date but not the main event. I want to know that you’re making an effort to get to know me not just buying your time before you try to shove your tongue down my throat.

So I’m picky about who I agree to go on dates with. I’m not looking to waste anyone’s time, money, or gas. If I agree to go on a date with you then it’s because I think there will end up being more than one date. I don’t want to go on 50 first dates, I want to develop something deeper than that. I’m worth getting to know and I’m worth the effort of planning a date.

 

16 thoughts on “Picky Daters”

        1. Omg yeah THAT too!! I’ve seen a few articles online that talk about how that’s mostly just a concern women have so maybe that’s why all guys are willing to meet up like the same day!

          1. Pretty much. Women are afraid of the guy turning out to be a serial killer, while men are afraid of the woman turning out to be fat. I think some comedian even did a bit on this, but it’s pretty spot-on accurate.

          2. Exactly what I’m talking about! I’ll have to look into that comedian because that does sound familiar. No wonder women hesitate with going on first dates.

  1. Being on the same page when it comes to intentions is key. If you’re looking for something serious, steer clear from the “hit it and quit it” dudes.
    I sense that you like to be courted, and you deserve it. However, feel free to come up with an idea for a date. It will show the guy what you’re interested in, and it will enable you to actually enjoy the date (at least to some extent).

    1. Yeah absolutely should date/hang out with people who want the same things as you (whether thats casual or serious).
      I’m definitely looking for a relationship with equal love and respect for someone, so yeah maybe courted is the right word. haha oh man yeah, I’ve gotten bored with lunch/dinner dates, I now suggest bowling and mini golf just to get an activity in. It’s good to switch it up !

  2. See, that’s what I’m talking about. Food is always good, but that gets stale after a while (no pun) And I never want to see the inside of a Starbucks ever again. But when I’ve suggested activity dates they didn’t always go over well. I took one girl to a nature preserve but she didn’t like having to walk and chided me about “did you really think this was a good idea?” I took another to a bowling alley but she made a stink when we got there because it was too dark and noisy and we wouldn’t be able to talk. We ended up leaving before throwing a single frame. Tough crowd out there sometimes!

    1. OMG I have such a personal hatred for coffee dates and all non online daters never understand why! Lol

      Damn, maybe you’ve been picking the wrong girls? Activities are always refreshing! Lolol nature girl was harsh but the lack of willingness to even try from bowling girl takes the cake 😂 I measure how much I like someone by how far I’m willing to go out of my comfort zone but I don’t know if everyone else does that?

      1. And what kills me is that they both knew beforehand what we were doing, yet nature girl showed up in heels. smh. Then she complained that instead of parking right in front of the preserve, I parked 200 feet down the road. Oh boy. (And I won’t even get into how the ducks terrified her.) But I think the main problem with her and bowling girl and a couple of others was that they were into the finer things and expected to be wined and dined. Meanwhile I’m happy getting a couple of burgers and sitting looking at the water (and ducks), or throwing a frisbee around.

        Oh yeah! Haha I just remembered I did the mini-golf thing once and she was another one that showed up in heels. Heels and a purse, which she had to constantly readjust over her shoulder after every putt. I forgot about that one. Yeah, definitely picking the wrong girls! At least I’m getting better at weeding them out. But you wouldn’t believe how hard it is just trying to find someone who enjoys watching movies. I like my movie nights, but much to my surprise not everyone is a fan.

        Hmm. I’m actually getting an idea for another post as I’m writing all this.

    1. Yeah first dates definitely won’t be perfect and sometimes it could be hard to create realistic expectations. But even with awkward lulls and flat jokes, you should feel some type of connection or openness to a second date when an impression is good enough on that first date. It’s funny, when I really like someone I try to move as slow as possible. Rushing usually makes things burn out just as quickly as they heated up

  3. “If I’ve only been talking to a guy about really trivial things for the past three days then I may want more time getting to know him before agreeing to give him my free afternoon.” Agreed! Some guys complain about women who want to chat too much online before meeting in person, but if you haven’t said anything of substance online, I don’t want to waste my time. We don’t have to chat forever online, but the guy has to give me some worthwhile conversation if he wants a real date.

    1. Yeah absolutely! You could get along with someone really well online for weeks and never really talk about anything important or truly ‘get to know them’. I guess this is another case of quality over quantity. And like some other comments on here, men have totally different worries than women do with first dates and meeting up.

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