Its Okay to Not be the Cool Girlfriend

A cool girlfriend is low maintenance and no drama. Open minded and flexible in and out of the bedroom. They give their man space, he regularly hangs out with just the guys, and if they end up spending the night flirting with girls at the bar, then that’s cool, no problem with her. A cool girlfriend is also one that can hang with the boys and keep up with the heavy drinking. She’s not the buzz kill monitoring your alcohol intake nor the sober boring one. She doesn’t nag nor mom you.

Being on the dating scene for a long time it was easy to play the cool girl. Hang out with your friends all you want, I didn’t demand attention, I was flexible with plans and activities, and I didn’t nag them to get stuff done. The reason it was so easy to do these things was because I wasn’t emotionally invested. I hadn’t known you long enough to find out your bad habits and nag you to do better. And we we’re officially dating so flirt with whoever you want, if you meet someone you click with better then cool and nice knowing ya.

When I entered my first real relationship with my current boyfriend I still thought I had to be this cool girlfriend otherwise he would lose interest and leave. I tried to let everything roll off my back and never cause any issues. Just a few weeks in we had a situation on our hands and my anxiety and insecurities wouldn’t let me just let it go. I didn’t want to cause drama or be controlling but we needed to talk about my concerns and how we’d handle it. I also never cry in front of people and definitely didn’t want to seem like a sensitive basketcase to my boyfriend. Although that didn’t happen for a couple of months, it eventually did.

I don’t think I’m especially unreasonable but it’s normal for issues to pop up in relationships and some stress and drama do come up at those times. I’d like to think I’m still flexible with plans since my boyfriend seems to thrive on spontaneous adventures. But I also speak my mind now if there’s something I don’t want to do. I like that he maintains his indepence and how I have activities and friends I hang out with on my own.

But I do appreciate his upfront honesty if there was an especially flirty girl. I’ve grown more secure in our relationship and he’s definitely gained my trust so that I’m confident in his actions. I also now show my vulnerability and quirky side with the growing comfort.  I try not to mom him too much, I want to be his girlfriend not his secondary mother. But I do show I care by making sure he wears the right jacket for the weather and trying to make sure he doesn’t stay up too late and become exhausted at work.

I’m not the cool girlfriend, I care too much and it’s just not my style. I see my future with him and I want us to both strive to be our best selves.    


10 thoughts on “Its Okay to Not be the Cool Girlfriend”

  1. I love this! I feel like I’ve always been the cool girlfriend to let things go but I’ve learned my lesson. Sometimes being the cool girlfriend means you’re taken advantage of, or taken for granted and the boyfriend pushed the limit to the point where I couldn’t be cool anymore. It’s okay to be the cool girlfriend but still remember to look out for your feelings.

    1. Yess you make an excellent point! You get so worried about what happens if you do have an issue with something that you’ll just let everything slide and get taken advantage of. It was difficult for me to trust that someone would still stay with me even if i wasn’t the cool gf

      1. Haha yes, I know exactly how you feel. It’s kind of like juggling the good cop bad cop. Even if it’s something small and stupid, I’ve learned to just be like “Hey, that kind of hurts my feelings and I’m not comfortable with it.” And luckily I’m now with someone who listens to me when I say it. And also lucky I haven’t had to do that very much, if at all.

        1. Yeah it’s like you try to let the little things go and pick your battles, but sometimes the little stuff feels big. Couldn’t agree more! Such a healthier way of communicating and leads to a healthier relationship! So happy for you

  2. “Cool GF” is a relative term. From this man’s perspective, this isn’t what I consider to be a CGF. I wrote a blog called, “What Happened to the Girl Next Door?” Which is similar to your thought process here without the extra bee-ess the man is giving off.

    Cool GF’s don’t tolerate crap from guys. A cool GF is someone who you can do anything with. Someone who can hang with you AND the fellas and not be socially awkward. Someone who can watch the game and know a few things (if not more) about what you’re watching. One who wants you to watch a chick-flick with her from time to time, but understands it’s not your thing, and will ask her GF’s over to watch instead on some occasions. A cool GF is someone who can chill and at home and doesn’t always have to be in the public eye. A cool GF can eat a burger and fries from the local burger spot without trying to be cute about how much she eats. A cool GF loves and adores the small things you try to do and doesn’t look for the grand gestures all the time. A cool GF will hold you accountable, but not be disrespectful while doing so. A cool GF will encourage and support… not emasculate and alienate her man.

    There’s so much more to my definition of a cool GF… but letting someone run over you isn’t cool at all. You have the right approach with how you’re handling your relationship. #kudos

    For the record, I love your blog 😉

  3. I am all too familiar with being the cool girlfriend. And I too have decided it’s not worth it. You end up sacrificing your own values, opinions, etc. and ultimately respect for yourself

    1. Exactly, it’s hiding your true self to try to please someone else and it doesn’t truly work out for anyone

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