How to Say No to a Second Date (August Advice Column)

Dear DD,

you’ve taught us how to get a second date but you haven’t taught us how to say no to one



Going on a first date and realizing you’re not a good match is tough enough, having the suitor not feel the same way is even tougher. First you have to evaluate how terrible the first date was and why. Was he rude and immature or sweet but just no chemistry?


The Rude Ones

For the rude ones, I completely condone you being rude back. Be honest, leave no room for a misunderstanding, and if you could help him become self aware of some of his rude habits then lay it on him.

Example: “It was pretty awkward that you got so drunk at Applebee’s. I’m looking for someone more mature and don’t see us meeting up again. Good luck on these apps”


The Sweet Ones

For the sweet guy, I don’t think you should really tell him what you didn’t like about him. He’s just not your cup of tea but he will be someone else’s without having to change. You may even continue to talk to him for a bit even after turning him down since he’s polite and there wasn’t really anything wrong with him. The conversation will most likely fade in a day or two though.

Example: “You’re really great and I enjoyed getting to know you but I can’t really see this leading anywhere and don’t want to waste each other’s time.”  


Different pages

For the ones looking for a different type of relationship than you are, it’s completely okay to be honest about what you want. It’s probably not a good idea to keep chatting and become this type of textionship. About 90% of these casual guys will tell you that you got them all wrong and push for a second date – my advice: stick to your guns and move on to the next one.

Example: “I’m glad we got to meet but I’m looking for something more serious than you seem to be ready for. Hope you find what you’re looking for”


If you’ve told them you’re not interested in the second date and they extremely rude and offense then congrats sis because you just dodged a bullet.


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