I’m wishing on stars that you’ll come back
but not everything works like that.
I don’t want to lose you but I can’t fight this anymore
it’s a battle between my heart and my brain
but they say your loss is just my gain.
-2011
I’m wishing on stars that you’ll come back
but not everything works like that.
I don’t want to lose you but I can’t fight this anymore
it’s a battle between my heart and my brain
but they say your loss is just my gain.
-2011
Your words say much. Sometimes in life it is better to move forward without keeping score.
I see 2011 at the end of the poem but you posted it in 2019. Are you posting older poems of yours or is it the number of poems that you have posted so far? A bit confused 🙂
It’s the year I wrote the poem, I’m posting some of my older but unpublished work!
I can relate. It is definitely your gain
This one hits home. Thanks for sharing!
can I repost this?
absolutely!
it is so close to my experience!
Now that I know you don’t like editing your poetry (It’s so hard!!) I won’t nitpick form so much. It may have been rude of me to comment on such things in the first place.
Rather than a critique about your rhyme, I have a ponderance about it:
The first two lines are a soft rhyming couplet. The last two lines are a proper rhyming couplet. But then there’s that one line in the middle that’s just there to break the expectation of a continuous rhyme.
Each person is different, but for me, when I reach an emotionally difficult part of the verse, my meter and rhyme will lose their structure.
I wonder if perhaps the same sort of thing happens for you? Or if perhaps you’d be willing to share your views on rhyme and meter in poetry. (Do they even matter to you? Are they a sometimes snack? A restriction which breeds creativity?)
I’m excited to have found a published poet who interacts with their audience. Please let me know if I press too insistently.
~ Adeline
Simple and real.
Beautiful and strong words! Thanks for sharing