I’ve been on probably two non-date coffee dates. One time with Stubborn in which I believe he was unsure about us and didn’t want to commit to an hour -long meal and a heftier bill. Ironically, that coffee lasted longer than nearly all of my dinner dates. The other coffee date was with some guy I didn’t want to see but he said I judged him too quickly and in order to not look like the bad guy, I agreed to coffee (he was as wrong for me as I originally thought).
When I choose that coffee date with the second guy, I wanted it to come off as noncommittal. I wanted to chug my hot cup in 25 minutes and call it a day no matter the taste bud burns. I didn’t want to be trapped waiting for the waiter to come back and take our meal order. I wanted an easy out.
I’ve also been on two “Let’s get drinks” non-date dates. Now I, personally, am not much of a drinker so the fact that these men suggested drinks means they don’t know me every well nor did they really care to. Those drinks also lasted the noncommittal hour and then they would ask, “Hey, wanna get out of here?” Yes. Yes, I did want to get out of here but sure as hell not with you!
Those were not a ‘let’s get to know each other’ drinks, they were ‘let’s see if you’re interesting enough to want to hook up with’ drinks. They didn’t want to waste time or money truly wooing me. They were lazily looking for something quick and fun. It was their way of ‘sampling the product’ without having to put in the proper amount of time and effort of a real date.
You might be wondering why I continue to call these dates ‘non-dates’ and that’s because the lack of commitment. Coffee or drinks is casual, quick, and easy. It’s kind of like if you just ‘hang out’ with a guy. You’re not really dating him if you’re never seen together in public.
If you really like someone, you probably won’t suggest coffee or drinks as the first option. You’ll be thinking “I really like this person and want to spend as much time with them as possible” and let’s face the facts, coffee just wouldn’t cut it.
I’m not asking you to be my shinning knight
but you should treat me better and start acting right.
I don’t need saving, in fact I do just fine on my own
So if you want me in your life then you need to grow up.
I could be good for you if you let me
but you’re too scared I’ll end up being your weakness.
December: Forever Love
Cheryl Lynn and Luther Vandross’ If this World were Mine from 1998 lists all of Mother Nature’s treasures and gifting them to your love. Listen here
Whitney Houston’s I Will Always Love You from 1992 is a song of a Love that will last forever even though the couple does not. Some love never dies. Listen here
Etta James’ At Last from 1960 is a song that holds up to the test of time when loneliness is finally replaced by Love. Listen here
John legend’s All of Me from 2013 displays a realistic love that flourishes even with it’s imperfections. Listen here
Luke Combs’ Forever at Last from is a song where Life can take its toll on you but a deep love will always hold you through. Listen here
Bonus: Christmas Playlist
Elvis Presley’s Blue Christmas from is a song focused on the importance of being with your loved ones for Christmas. It doesn’t matter where you are, but who you’re with. Listen here
Michael Buble’s Holly Jolly Christmas from 2011 is a must have on this Christmas Playlist and you can’t go wrong with any song from his Christmas album. You can’t have Christmas without Michael Buble! Listen here
Mariah Carey’s All I Want for Christmas is You from 1994 might be a song you hate to love but let’s face it, it’s a total bop! She doesn’t want any material gifts, just her lover. Listen here
Husband and Wife duo Elmo and Patsy’s Grandma Got Ran Over by a Reindeer from 1979 is an odd choice I’m sure, but it reminds me of my childhood and Christmas is all things Jolly so it’s making the list. Listen here
Wham!’s Last Christmas from 1986 is a song of trying not to be someone’s fool yet again. Listen here
You knew exactly what to say to make my heart smile
but it was the words you never said
that made my heart break
I imagine if you’re a male and you read this article, you might feel a little bit misunderstood and let me just say I am not talking about you. This is for all the immature boys who don’t want to commit to the girl they’re stringing along.
For the past year, my standards have been the perfect height (for new men only, don’t worry I’m well aware I stuck around Stubborn too long).
So a few tips for the girls who seem to always wind up with a f*uckboy:
- If you set up a date with me for the following weekend and then make no effort AT ALL till the night before when you say “we still on?”. Dude, No we’re NOT still on.
- If you get frisky in the first 3 days looking for some fun then I’ll ‘casually’ drop you into the delete box.
- Randomly leave me hanging all day with no explanation… Exit stage left please. I get it, you lead a busy life but all you had to do was say “I’m at work, talk tonight”.
- Say any sexist, misogynistic garbage, treating women like sexual objects to conquer, or just a general lack of respect for an entire gender. You’ll be taken out like the trash that you are.
- If a new guy does any of the nonsense Stubborn pulled then I’m chucking the deuces up on my way out the door.
I am very good at not tolerating f*ckboy behavior from new prospects. It’s very easy when they’re new and there are no emotional ties blurring my judgment. Heck, that’s how I landed Mr. Right. My past dating protocol has not worked for me, I’ve learned quite a few things, and I refuse to suffer anymore at the hands of boys too immature to handle a real relationship.
Ladies, if you relate to my frustrations I hope you’ll eventually find yourself in the arms of a man who really appreciates you. If you currently have an almost relationship with your phone then I hope you know it’s not a race, and the journey will teach you many things.
Maybe one day I’ll finally get good at getting over you
But until then I’ll have another drink while I listen to another song that reminds me of you
I’ll drive by your house again and read through old phone conversations
Oh cause one day you wont cross my mind
But until then I’m still at this bar, stuck on you
I imagine hearing your name and not giving it a second thought
There will be no floods of memories that have to be fought
No ache in my heart nor tears in my eyes
You’ll be gone and I’ll have moved on
But until then I’m still at this bar, stuck on you.
You’re the only one in my head
but tell me am I the only one in your bed?
Cause all I wanna do is hold your hand
But would you rather stay a single man.
Demi Lovato’s Cry Baby from 2017 is a song of a girl who is hard to break but her heart breaks eventually. Listen here
NeYo’s Mad from 2008 is a heated argument that would hopefully be resolved before going to bed. Listen here
Alicia Keys‘ Fallin from 2001 is a song of torment from loving someone to not knowing if you can stay when they cause you pain. Listen here
Rihanna’s Love on the Brain from 2016 is a song of fighting for love and suffering through the pain in order to be with someone. Listen here
Beyonce’s Jealous from 2013 is her pain caused by her man’s cheating and going out for a night of revenge. Listen here
Little Big Town’s Girl Crush from 2014 is a clever song of crushing on a girl because she has the man and wanting to be her; replace her. Listen here
Patsy Cline’s She’s Got You from 1962 is a heartbreaker of a song where she has all the material possessions of a lost relationship while he’s found a new relationship. I love Patsy Cline, check out the rest of her work! Listen here
Nelly’s Over and Over featuring Tim McGraw from 2004 replays the ending of a relationship and the jealousy of not having her anymore. Listen here
There is a hint of you in every poem of mine
the faintest honey peach wine still on my tongue from each line.
It was never my intent to put you there, you show up uninvited.
Neither of us had planned to stick around but Winter has gone
And come again and I’m still here sipping on you tucked into desire’s cozy fire.
Do you remember all those words you whispered into my sheets?
Have you found someone new to keep you warm at night
because I miss listening to the sound of you breathing as we sleep
and I just want your hand to find mine in the darkness one more time.