Most Memorable Dates in my Dating Career

I’ve been on a lot of first dates and honestly after a while they tend to all blend together. But there are some that stand out even 4-5 years later! I don’t really know why some of these stick out to me, tell me some of your best/worst dates in the comments!

 

1.The Guy who Lied:

I was once on a date with a guy, we’d gone out a few times before. We went rock climbing and he asked me to grab his phone for pictures. As I got it, there was a message from a girl on his screen. I thought nothing of it, it could have been just a friend, we’d only been out a few times so it’s not like we were exclusive, and I never saw what the message said. He freaked out over it though, assured me it was nothing at the time. Assured me again later that night and even had his friend text me to help him cover his tracks. That’s what I thought was suspicious.

His desperate attempts did the exact opposite of what he had hoped. But again, we weren’t exclusive, I didn’t think it was a big deal. Later on he asked for us to be exclusive and then cheated but that’s another story.

 

2. The Guy I was Rude to:

I went to dinner with this guy and he was nice but I knew we didn’t have a future. The restaurant happened to be very close to my house and it was decided we’d walk my dog around the neighborhood before the night ended. (Sidenote: he came inside and met my dad which was awkward and then he let my dog escape which was also a hassle lol)

So we were walking my dog and I decided to get to the bottom of his dating hang ups so I could help him with dating other girls. We mostly talked about his exes and he felt weird about it because that’s not what you do when you’re trying to date someone new. I felt terrible as I realized we weren’t on the same page as I had thought the date ended when we left the restaurant. I was giving him pointers/criticism and digging into his past when he was just a nice guy trying to find a partner. I never got the opportunity to truly apologize and I thought about it for years.

 

3. The Date I Didn’t Want to Go on:

I’ve talked about this guy before but we’ll do it again here. I knew from texting him that we would not be a match and there was no reason for us to meet. I had been on a lot of dates and I was tired of it. He was insulted and called me judgmental and I was somewhat cornered into a date. We went on the date and I was dead on about him; it was not a match. It probably seems like I already had my mind made up, which might be the case but honestly, it’s because I made the right decision in the first place!

 

4. The Creepy Guy:

I don’t know how I ended up going to get coffee with this guy because after the first few minutes I knew he was terribly creepy and I could not wait to get away from him. Unfortunately, nearly every girl on a dating app will eventually have her turn being sketched out by a guy. I don’t even remember what we talked about but I knew in the car after I was so creeped out and anxious from it. I still think about it when I drive by that Starbucks even though so many of the memories are hazy now.

 

5. The Guy who Wanted Me to be his Brain:

I had been on a lot of first dates when I finally found a guy I liked enough to go on a second! I was really into him until we started watching a movie. He constantly asked questions about what words meant and what was going on with the plot. First off, you can use context clues for defining words and secondly, I’m watching the movie for the first time like you are, I don’t know what the plot is going to be! The endless questions were a huge turn off and used up all my patience. I needed someone who could keep up and I was out the door with the end of the movie.

 

Should you give advice to failed daters?

I’ve been on LOTS of first dates over the years and after a while they can really start to just blur together. But a few stick out to me and one is this guy who I went out to dinner with. During dinner I realized he wouldn’t be a match for me but after dinner we ended up taking my dog for a walk.

 

At this point to Me, the date was over and I was interested in learning about his past to try and figure out his ‘issues’. We eventually got into exes and he explained he didn’t really want to dive into it with a new person he’s getting to know. I felt terrible, blindsiding him that the date was over and I was just looking to offer him advice for his next stack of daters.

 

As a side note, I want to mention that it is a great idea not to dive into past relationships with someone new! Personally, little facts about ex’s will stay in my head and stop me from enjoying the moment with a new boo. You also have to take what’s said about past relationships with a grain of salt. That relationship was two different personalities with two different backgrounds and that won’t reflect the new relationship you’re building.

 

This leads me to the main point – should you give advice to fellow daters? Years ago, I wanted to. I thought I could help some nice guys out, I thought it might help give them closure as they weren’t left wondering what’s wrong with them that they can’t find a good match, and I’m fascinated by the way life shapes us. But the truth is, everyone is different and wants different things. 

 

The reason that you don’t like someone will be the EXACT reason someone else falls in love with them. If you tell them to hide it or get rid of it, you could be stopping them from finding that perfect match! We’re all different people, we have different interests and different goals for our futures. The wrong puzzle piece for you will be the perfect fit for someone else. So you probably shouldn’t suggest that they saw down their edges.  

 

Second Dates Are Harder Than First Dates

First dates are absolutely terrible. You spend days getting to know someone and planning a date and then hours getting ready for said date. Then you waste even more hours on the actual date with a person you’re not even really sure if you like.

A lesson I eventually learned was saying No to people I wasn’t 100% excited to go on a date with. Modern dating really drains you emotionally and mentally so don’t feel bad saving your energy.

Now that we’ve all agreed that first dates are hard, I’m here to tell you second dates are even tougher. First dates there aren’t really too many expectations, sure you worry that conversation will fall flat in person if texting has been flowing really well. Aside from that, there’s plenty of doubt that the first date won’t be amazing. The trouble comes when they do turn out to be amazing!

Sounds crazy, I know. But then there’s an enormous amount of pressure for the second date to be equally amazing. An hour or so into the second date with my now boyfriend, we both admitted that we were extremely worried that our second date would flop with flat conversation. That, in fact, has happened to me in the past so I was worried about history repeating itself (even more pressure and stress).

After the first date, you may start to picture a bit of a future and you’re looking for clues that your suitor’s future is going to align with yours. You listen to what they say with a fine tooth comb this time. The stakes are higher and so are the standards for grading this date. 

Second dates may also take you out of your comfort zone. If you’ve been on dating apps for a while you’ve probably had your fair share of first dates. You’re used to them, in fact you’re a pro. Second dates are new territory. You’ve never had to measure up to the first impression you left your date with.

There are still the jitters of getting to know a new person but after the second date you’re more comfortable knowing that your suitor is meeting your expectations and that the first date wasn’t just a fluke.

 

 

Judgments Whether You Like it or Not

So this profile had messaged me on OkCupid. We chatted for a little and then he offers his number suggesting to grab coffee sometime. It’s at this point I’ll mention that he only had one picture.. of his abs. And his profile had a total of 12 words. Oh and his location was 10 hours away! The complete lack of effort to make a profile suggested to me that he wasn’t really looking to make much of an effort in a relationship. So I told him that it seemed like he was just looking for causal fun.

He called me judgmental, suggested I wasn’t the type of girl for casual fun but was special (I think this was a compliment… ), and explained how he actually lived nearby but was away for work.

I decided to make a poll on Twitter since I was so worried that this was now the second time I’ve been called judgmental and worried I actually might be shallow! Convinced that strangers of Twitter would agree with me, I was shocked by the results. (But like seriously, tell me in the comments what you would assume because I’m still not backing down).

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Maybe I am judgmental… Is it okay to be judgmental sometimes? If you add a picture of your car to a dating site, I’m going to assume you really love cars. And if every picture is of you and some friends at a bar then I’m going to assume you like going to the bars every weekend. Or at least it’s the only place you have your photo taken… Maybe then I’d ask if you know a local bar or what’s your favorite drink. Then we could bond over having things in common or finally talk about something you really enjoy.

I can’t begin to tell you the amount of messages I get about my dog in my main picture. And I love it! That’s exactly what I want to talk about! This is how you decided to describe yourself to a bunch of strangers/suitors. Don’t I have a right to let my mind wander about who you are and what you like?

 

 

When to Say No

I have been on quite a few dates over the years. There is a debate about when to say No to a date/guy. Should you say yes to every guy? Give a fair chance to everyone? Will it burn you out to always be saying Yes? When is the time to say No?

I mentioned before being nudged into a coffee date because I was being called out for judging this guy too quickly. I didn’t want to seem like a judgmental bitch to this stranger (why I would care is another post for another time) so I agreed to coffee. See, I knew I was right that this guy wasn’t a good match for me. That doesn’t make him a bad person or me a better one. It bugged me that I couldn’t say No. Actually I had already said No! It was when I originally said No that he called me judgmental and it’s really quite difficult to say No twice.

So we get coffee and he wasn’t the guy for me. We didn’t have much in common, we didn’t have any chemistry, things he considered fun were things that sounded like my personal nightmare. We were just too different and there wasn’t anything pushing us to make it work anyway. And you shouldn’t have to try to make it work with every person you meet. You’re allowed to be picky. You’re allowed to have standards.

I gotta admit, this post isn’t really for any of you. It’s for me. I’m here to tell myself that it’s okay to say No. It’s okay to stick to your guns. It’s okay to say No as many times as you want! Whenever you want!

You don’t want to go out on a date, don’t go. You like this guy but you don’t want to go back to his house yet, don’t. You went back to his house and the clothes are falling to the bedroom floor, You’re allowed to change your mind and say No. No matter where you are in the relationship or in the moment, you have the freedom and the right to say No. You don’t owe him anything. But you do owe it to yourself to stand up for yourself. Be your own Advocate. Be your own strength.

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