Your Dating Flaws

There are so many articles on the Internet about not wasting time on guys who don’t pursue you honestly and whole –heartedly from the start. Since these articles are mostly for women written by women, it nearly makes sense that all the blame seems to be on the guy. We assume it’s always the guy with the commitment issues and his inability to open up that causes him to ruin relationships. We assume the women have no hang ups of their own that would make them unready for a relationship.

Of course, I agree that these men are emotionally unavailable and it’s highly unlikely that they will be in a relationship with anyone anytime soon. But I also think we’re fooling ourselves if we think we’re nothing but innocent bystanders in this. Why are we picking these men? Do we hope to fix them? Do we see something in them that resembles ourselves? Are we not ready for love and just trying to project the blame somewhere else? Are we really just trying to fix ourselves?

If you want the perfect man then you also have to be flawless, which is unrealistic! Perfect does not exist. Relationships are about accepting flaws and how flaws work well together. While others say he’s too restless to settle down, she is excited by his sense of adventure. Some try to say she’s too demanding but he admires the way she loves life so fiercely.

Maybe we attract those that are similar to ourselves. We’re compassionate for flaws we recognize in others. We treat others as kindly as we wish we could treat ourselves. I try to be open -minded and understanding when a guy is opening up to me about a scar of his because I fear someone judging my scars harshly. When I met a guy with intimacy issues, I know not to push him too quickly because I know how easily I scare away too. And perhaps sometimes I think, “if I work on his issues, maybe mine can go away too”.

We are all flawed (despite what Beyonce sings) and we will always be flawed, but that doesn’t make us unlovable. It just takes the right person to see your stars when everyone was seeing an empty sky.

WISHING WELLS

I have to come to terms

with that fact that 

you’ll never own up

to all that you put me through.

You deflect it enough that I wonder 

if I’m losing my mind again with you.

I’m trying to learn not to place the blame 

in dark places or wishing wells.

Sometimes they’re one in the same

but I’m done wishing on you.

Bloom

You showed all your cards

Bared to me your soul

I’m scarred and guarded

We have open wounds like matching tattoos

My heart splattered with gun holes like an army truck after combat

You’re filling them up with soil, planting seeds so gently.

Thinking I won’t notice the space you’re beginning to take up

Raw and honest, we water those seeds together with soft lips

and a lingering touch that makes my stomach fall out.

Flaws and flowers, a garden growing in my heart,

I want to bloom for you.

 

-January 2016

Photo Credit

Flaws

There are so many articles on the Internet about not wasting time on guys who don’t pursue you honestly and whole –heartedly from the start. Since these articles are mostly for women written by women, it nearly makes sense that all the blame seems to be on the guy. We assume it’s always the guy with the commitment issues and his inability to open up that causes him to ruin relationships. We assume the women have no hang ups of their own that would make them unready for a relationship.

Of course, I agree that these men are emotionally unavailable and it’s highly unlikely that they will be in a relationship with anyone anytime soon. But I also think we’re fooling ourselves if we think we’re nothing but innocent bystanders in this. Why are we picking these men? Do we hope to fix them? Do we see something in them that resembles ourselves? Are we not ready for love and just trying to project the blame somewhere else? Are we really just trying to fix ourselves?

If you want the perfect man then you also have to be flawless, which is unrealistic! Perfect does not exist. Relationships are about accepting flaws and how flaws work well together. While others say he’s too restless to settle down, she is excited by his sense of adventure. Some try to say she’s too demanding but he admires the way she loves life so fiercely.

Maybe we attract those that are similar to ourselves. We’re compassionate for flaws we recognize in others. We treat others as kindly as we wish we could treat ourselves. I try to be open -minded and understanding when a guy is opening up to me about a scar of his because I fear someone judging my scars harshly. When I met a guy with intimacy issues, I know not to push him too quickly because I know how easily I scare away too. And perhaps sometimes I think, “if I work on his issues, maybe mine can go away too”.

We are all flawed (despite what Beyonce sings) and we will always be flawed, but that doesn’t make us unlovable. It just takes the right person to see your stars when everyone was seeing an empty sky.