Talking to Multiple Daters

Valentine’s Day is quickly approaching so I thought it would be a fun time to talk about why it’s okay and common to talk to multiple daters at the same time while using dating apps.

 

When on dating apps you tend to get a batch of matches at the same time. This increases your chances of starting multiple conversations at the same time. Based solely on numbers, it’s nearly impossible to only talk to one person at a time. You could miss out on making a great connection if you wait too long to talk to someone.

 

Since you’re getting batches of matches on different days, you’ll progress in conversations at different rates. You’ll be ready to meet one guy as you start out with hellos with someone else. When meeting someone for the first time, you still don’t know how much you like them and if there’s any in person chemistry. It’s perfectly normal to still keep up conversation with other people so that you’re not starting from complete scratch if the date doesn’t go well.

 

Having connections with more than one person, helps with the let down when a date doesn’t go well or if someone randomly ghosts you. You don’t have to keep all your eggs in one basket. You also don’t want to seem needy or lame, so talking to multiple people helps keep each conversation casual and replies at a normal speed.

 

Talking to multiple people is a completely normal practice in the modern online dating world and you can delete the apps or stop talking to daters at your own speed. Just be honest about what you’re looking for and what your expectations are.

 

The Holidays Can be Hard for Some

The holidays are bright and loud with music and family. For many people, it’s their favorite time of year. In all the celebration we tend to forget those among us who struggle with the holiday season.

 

Lonely

The holidays are all about being surrounded by friends, family, and loved ones. Unfortunately this can sometimes backfire into making us feel lonely instead of part of a larger community. For starters, you may have a small family or have special family members missing this year in the holiday festivities. These parties and gatherings put an emphasis on that emptiness. On the other hand, you may have a large family and are far from alone during this time of year. But you may feel disconnected and that amplifies the feeling of loneliness. You’ll be hard on yourself for feeling lonely when you’re not alone.

 

Solution

Focus on those you do feel connected to in your life. Whether its friends instead of blood relatives or a community on the internet that you truly feel a part of, make sure to spend quality time connecting with these important relationships in your life.

 

Single

During the holiday season, the emphasis on family also puts pressure on you starting your own family which begins by finding a partner. Relatives routinely ask you when you’re going to settle down and find someone nice to bring home and meet the family. You see lots of pictures on social media for friends and family with their significant other and it can make you feel inadequate for not having a partner as well.  

 

Solution

Feel free to handle your nosy relatives however you see fit. Just know that there is no need to rush into a relationship that you don’t want or aren’t ready for. That could lead to ending up with someone that isn’t really right for you and wasting time not being truly happy. A partner may not be a part of the future you envision for yourself and that should be respected as well.

 

Expectations

The holidays are also at the end of the year when most people reflect on the highs and lows of that year. The New Year is also right around the corner and many people set goals and expectations for themselves to achieve. Every part of life can’t be planned and unfortunately most people find themselves behind on their goals. They’re not where they want to be in life and they’re upset that another year has passed without much improvement.

 

Solution

Goals sometimes have to be adjusted so that they can be realistic and reachable. Some people see this a negative thing but setting a small, reachable goal can produce big results. You’ll feel accomplished for reaching this smaller goal and motivated to continue on instead of defeated by missing your original goal. Life may alter your goals completely and that can be devastating. But this new life path can lead to new goals and new victories.

 

How to Find your Boo for the Night

Halloween is the perfect time to cut loose and have some fun! It’s a night you’ve planned with your friends and have spent weeks finding the right costume. Now it’s time to find the right boo! It’s empowering and can be a good way to escape the regular day to day stress to spend the night with someone.

 

The Party

The easiest way you’ll probably find someone to get spooky with will be at the party you’re going to with your friends. You’ve already mentally prepared yourself for a night of partying and having fun so you will be more open to mingling. You’ll have even more options since even the workalcoholics will be out partying for this holiday.

 

Dress Up

In a relationship many factors of a personality will make someone more attractive than just their looks. But when you’re looking to hook up, looks matter. So make sure your hair is looking good and you’re wearing one of your best outfits (or costume lol).

 

Be Noticeable

You very well can’t find someone to go home with if no one even knows you’re there! Flirt, laugh, and dance to turn some heads. Catch some eyes by taking a look around the crowd not just your phone and drink. Plus you want to see what options you’re working with here. There’s no need to play hard to get and coy, you’re going after what you want tonight.

 

Be Honest

There are plenty of people looking for the same type of fun as you are so just be honest! If someone isn’t interested then cut your losses and move on. Don’t dance around each other, just ask your place or mine? Let them know what level of vulnerability you’re comfortable with to make sure both parties have a fun but safe time.

 

Dating apps

The bar scene may not be for you but with this day and age dating apps can bring the party to you. It’s an easy way to meet people without having to waste the time and energy of going out to a party. There are plenty of well known apps for just hooking up and it may be time to get your feet wet.

 

Turning a Summer Fling into the Real Deal

The warm weather is starting to cool off but you want your summer fling to keep heating up, here’s how to stroke the flame.

 

Make plans for the fall

Act like the weather isn’t changing and keep making plans as you have been. Instead of heading to the beach or a hot summer night concert you can go apple picking, explore a corn maze, and carve some pumpkins. School might be starting up again and schedules will get busier so it’s important to continue to make time for each other and experience fun things together. Even if you’re going to schools in different states you can still plan dates in advance. Have him come up to visit in September and plan a date to see him in October.

 

Test out the waters

Try to learn what their thoughts are about a real relationship. Is it on their mind or are they anti-commitment? Approach the topic gently and in a non threatening way so they will open up and you can get an honest answer.

 

Start talking about the future together

Along with making fall date plans, you can talk about more serious things that would move the relationship forward. Has he met your friends and family? Have you talked about being exclusive? Talk about holiday plans to have them think into the future without putting on too much pressure.

 

Be Honest

After testing out the waters, you probably have a good idea of where their head is at. Now it’s time to be honest with how you’re feeling and where you’re hoping this relationship will head. You might both want the same thing but were worried about ruining the bond you have now. It’s important to be honest and direct so that there is no room left for miscommunication. This will help you know if it’s time to really end things or if the relationship can become official.

 

Public Love Letter to My Valentine

Last year I wrote “I’d be a really good girlfriend“, and I still stick to the anti Valentines Day mayhem but as it’s my first time being in a relationship I’m making this one exception. You all might have also recently learned, I’m not the romantic one around here so I’m going to write about the things he does that I appreciate!

First off, right from the start I never had to second guess how he felt about me. I had been around the dating app scene for over a year and could never commit to anyone or find anyone willing to commit to me. Boyfriend made sure we were ‘official’ ASAP and I was thrilled. The second way he made me secure in his feelings for me was how verbal he is about them. As he mentions in the Q&A, he said I love you first to me.

He’s a romantic, leaving notes in my work bag, cooking for me, and gifting me with little things randomly. Like on that weekend trip, we were in a bookstore and we walk out and I see he has a necklace in his hand for me. He takes care of the things I accidentally leave at his place and makes sure I always get to my car safely and checks that I made it home okay.

He also shows me he wants to spend time with me by basically planning out our next date at the end of the one we’re currently on. He’ll talk about things and adventures he wants us to do together. If I ask if he wants to hang out Tuesday or Thursday, he says both. Definitely in the beginning, he liked planning dates, going to the beach or docks along with dinner.  I’m lazy now and just want to watch Netflix but he’ll always ask what we’re doing and how to make our time together fun.

I love his work ethic even if it does mean regularly going into the office saturday mornings. He shows dedication and hussle to succeeding at work and I know that transfers over into all aspects of his life. It also shows his commitment even when time are hard or you’re doing things you really don’t feel like doing. I wouldn’t have lasted more than 2 months at his job so how he’s survived, I’ll never really know but I sure am impressed! (And definitely look forward to him working a job that does not have these long stressful hours.)

He’s also very funny in a creative way. He does impersonations and bits of fictional characters. He’ll use props around the house to add in on the fun. We also both like stand up comedy (kinda how we met) and I have a lot of fun incorporating comedy lines into our day to day conversations.

I’m a very anxious person and can get flustered easily but Boyfriend helps me not take life too seriously. He slows down my panicked pacing, letting me actually enjoy my surrounds and take a breathe. I’m always afraid of the rules, never wanting to get in trouble while he considers any deviation from the approved path a fun adventure.

If i’m upset he’ll try to call or even come over and see me in person so he can soothe away whatever is troubling me. If he’s already with me when I’m sad or frustrated, he knows to try to wait for me to talk it out or to distract me with light conversation. He handles my mood with just ease and I’m lucky he doesn’t seem to mind.

So there you have it, my boyfriend is the best and you poor suckers are missing out haha.

Ex-Mas

The holidays bring up all kinds of feelings like Joy, Love, Loneliness, and Nostalgia. One begins to think of what they accomplished (or failed to) over the past year and all the holiday parties have a way of pointing out how alone they feel. The Holidays have a way of making someone think back to times when they were wanted and comforted.

Suddenly you get text from your ex!

Why?!

First option is that they’re just bored and horny. These are the fuckboys that breadcrumb you, maybe it’s one from your local neighborhood and you’re both home for the holidays with not much to do. Or if they’ve been lonely for a while, the holiday season really puts them in ‘the mood’ wink wink*.

Second option is that your ex want to reconnect. It’s possible you’ve only been broken up for a short time. They still miss the connection and comfort of having someone there. They may still even have feelings for you and view the holidays as the perfect time to reestablish communication. They’re hopeful they can win you over again and maybe restart a once great relationship.

Lastly, is the ex who just likes to catch up, kinda like distant cousins or friends from high school. Like the relatives you only see during the holidays, this ex just wants to exchange polite hellos and how have you beens, but not much feeling flowing between the two of you. You appreciate a relationship that once was, but know it will stay in the past.

So do you respond to the text?

You have needs too, if you want an ex to scratch that itch then so be it. But remember ambers can start fires again, be careful you don’t get burned. Maybe you’re not the only ex nostalgic about an old relationship. Did it end poorly? For good reasons? Are you open to reconnecting too? If you’re in a new relationship then it’s important to talk to your partner about comfort level. Sure the third type of ex is respectful but if the first type hits you up with a late night booty call then your current partner will most likely not appreciate it. Make sure everyone gets on the same page of where you stand.

Enjoy your holiday everyone!!

 

 

What to Get Your Significant Other for the Holidays?

Some Significant others are hard to shop for whether they’re selfless, minimalist, or some other reason. The best way to get around this is to buy them some type of experience. By that, I mean an event or date you two can do together. This way you’ve shown your love by paying for something and you know they’ll enjoy it because they always enjoy spending time with you.

Event ideas: sporting tickets, plays, cooking classes, paint night, and concerts.

Maybe you’re not really the romantic type and you view the holidays as the one time need to really show your SO how much you truly love them. Attention to detail is important here, your SO wants to know you cherish every memory together just like they do. Think back to when you first meet, the date, the place, any inside jokes or little details you can recall.

Romantic route: engraved necklace with anniversary date or other significance, framed photo of the two of you

I talk about online dating quite a lot, there’s a good chance if you’re a new couple then you met through a dating app. This is a tech savvy generation and it would be no surprise if your SO wants one of the new tech product or accessories coming out.

Tech products: iPad, camera, or speakers (add a personal touch by customizing a case for your significant other)

Something I love is listening to my Boyfriend talk about his passions. The spark in his eye and the child like excitement when he really starts getting into such a topic is so fun for me. The joy radiates off him and even I start to get excited, like a puppy when family walks in the door. Buying something related to your SO’s passion or hobby will give them at that excitement and they will cherish the fact that you pay attention to the things they care about.

Something for their hobby: sporting equipment, seasons of their favorite tv show, art supplies, signed collectables item, or cook book

The last suggestion is not that original but it’s hard to go wrong here. With the cold months approaching they might be lacking some proper attire. It’s practical, functional, and stylish to get winter clothes for your SO. Plus you can pair it with a winter date idea like ice skating or a ski trip. It’s a cute way to introduce the date idea and give them something tangible to open besides tickets to an event.

Apparel for a cute winter date: hats, scarves, gloves, and shoes/boots/slippers

How to Handle Your Family Meeting Your Significant Other

With the holidays coming up, this might be the first family gathering your significant other will attend. Drunk grandpas, loud aunts, and unfiltered kids you have no idea what’s going to come out of their mouth next or what crazy thing they might do under the watch of a fresh pair of eyes. Will your significant other feel awkward and come off cold and distant? Will their vibrant personality rub some cousins the wrong way?

There are pros and cons of having a significant other meet family during a large gathering. Parties usually have various small groups or couples chatting together throughout the area which can help keep your SO from feeling too overwhelmed and you might be able to dodge any troublesome relatives. Even with a large group, the attention might not be all on your SO since parties are always a good time for people to catch up with others they haven’t seen in a while and others outside the family could be invited as well.

Of course, you are still throwing your SO into a sea of strangers with loud chatter and music. A smaller gathering of just immediate family or a quiet dinner might be less stressful on the senses for your SO. There won’t be tons of faces and names to remember, family relationship links to keep track of, nor an endless string of stories to listen to with characters you don’t know.

Either way it’s important to talk to your partner and see what they’re comfortable with and how you’ll best be able to management the stress of a new dynamic. Just remember, no matter how embarrassing or overbearing your family might be, everyone is nervous. It’s totally normal to be nervous and probably won’t end up being as bad as you think.

And if it is, well at least there’s no where to go but up from here!

Do We Ever Stop Thinking About Our Exes?

I don’t know if it was the nostalgia of the holidays or what but I’ve been thinking about my two ‘exes’ a lot. That’s actual total BS, it wasn’t the holidays because every time I hear a loud truck engine I think of Mr. Romantic and Stubborn’s favorite season is Fall so I thought about him and now it’s the month of the Capricorn so I think of him again.

I actually wrote a list of all the things that remind me of Stubborn, I titled it “Things Stubborn ‘ruined’ for Me”. Surprisingly, it wasn’t that long. So what gives? The guy never gave me the time of day so why 2-3 months later does going into his part of town affect me so much? I decided to play along with that 1 week for every month break up idea, turns out I’d still have 2 months and 3 weeks left. But that wouldn’t explain why I still think about Mr. Right, I should have been over him in 6 weeks.

Do I have an obsessive personality? I am I not over these boys? Do I feel like each ‘relationship’ was left unfinished? Am I a hopeless romantic caring too deeply?

I tend to give up on shows mid season so I don’t really think obsessive is right. Mr. Right and I don’t have a possible future together and Stubborn could never show his appreciation for me so I don’t really think it’s because they were ‘the one that got away’. So the only current option left is my hopeless romantic heart.

Mr. Romantic actually wished me a Happy Holidays last month so I don’t feel so weak for thinking about him because clearly he was thinking about me too. And I believe he’s a hopeless romantic as well so this just solidifies my own theory.

Hopeless Romantics always want love to work out. They constant seek out love and are warmed by the feeling. I don’t think any other feeling will compare to romantic love and therefore I cannot wait for the day I find it. But this idea often makes me a fool for love. I try forcing love where it is not (Stubborn) and I try stealing a love that is not meant for me (Mr. Right), trying to make a round peg fit into a square hole.

I think about my exes because they helped me learn what type of love I’m looking to receive and give to my future mate. And for that, I must Thank them. I also look forward to the day that old memories are replaces with new and that list shrinks down further till I rarely think of them at all.

Because God help me if I’m 50 and Eric Church’s Springsteen comes on the radio and I still think of Stubborn being 18 and falling in love with some girl he met before me.