October and November Playlists

October: Fighting

Demi Lovato’s Cry Baby from 2017 is a song of a girl who is hard to break but her heart breaks eventually. Listen here 

NeYo’s Mad from 2008 is a heated argument that would hopefully be resolved before going to bed. Listen here

Alicia Keys‘ Fallin from 2001 is a song of torment from loving someone to not knowing if you can stay when they cause you pain. Listen here

Rihanna’s Love on the Brain from 2016 is a song of fighting for love and suffering through the pain in order to be with someone. Listen here

November: Jealousy

Beyonce’s Jealous from 2013 is her pain caused by her man’s cheating and going out for a night of revenge. Listen here

Little Big Town’s Girl Crush from 2014 is a clever song of crushing on a girl because she has the man and wanting to be her; replace her. Listen here

Patsy Cline’s She’s Got You from 1962 is a heartbreaker of a song where she has all the material possessions of a lost relationship while he’s found a new relationship. I love Patsy Cline, check out the rest of her work! Listen here

Nelly’s Over and Over featuring Tim McGraw from 2004 replays the ending of a relationship and the jealousy of not having her anymore. Listen here

August and September Playlists

August: Marriage/ First Dance Wedding

1. Dan and Shay’s Speechless from 2018. I mean come on, the music video is their weddings, it is THE PERFECT first dance song. Listen here

2. Eric Clapton’s Wonderful Tonight from 1977 is a classic that could never go out of style. Listen here

3. Ed Sheehan’s Perfect from 2017 is a song of pure love. I was torn on putting his single Thinking Out Loud instead, you can’t go wrong either way. Listen here

4. Matt Stell’s Prayed for You from 2019 reminds you just how sacred the vow of marriage is. Listen here

5. Casey James’ So Sweet from 2012 is a gorgeous song of finally finding the love of your life. Listen here

September: You should be with me instead

1.Mario’s Let Me Love You from 2004 reminds you that there is always someone who is waiting to treat you as well as you deserve. Listen here

2. DJ Khaled’s You Stay (featuring way too many people) from 2019 is a song about returning to a happier with you where you can focus on your goals with a good guy instead of being mistreated. Listen here

3. Rayne Johnson’s Front Seat from 2020 is a reminder to never be taken for granted but instead truly cherished. Listen here

4. Jordan Davis’ Singles You Up from 2018 is just a guy waiting for his chance to show you how great you could be together. Listen here

5. Kid Rock and Sheryl Crow’s Picture from 2002 will always stand the test of time in my book. The longing and heartache portrayed in that song is undeniable. Listen here

New Poetry Collection coming out this June!

My second poetry collection Where I Ache will be published June 10th!!!!!

 

June 10th

June 10th

June 10th

June 10th

June 10th

 

This collection is broken up into six chapters ranging from themes such as jealousy, depression, grief, and strength. These are delicate subjects to talk about and most people avoid them because of the uncomfortable vulnerability. I’ve always written and shared my poetry with the hope that readers would relate, feel less alone, and more normal.

Sensitive subjects such as depression can really alienate people, make them feel like they’re different or a freak in some way, and like they have to suffer alone. I hope this collection will help those realize that others are going through this too and they don’t have to endure this burden on their own. In similar vein, I hope the topics of insecurity and grief will offer a lifeline to such isolating feelings and thoughts.

I am also very excited to progress as a poet and share a collection that does not solely focus on romantic love. Love collections aren’t highly respected by parts of the writing community so I look forward to sharing this new material and show my depth as a writer. I also believe the topics I’m writing about could use more spotlight in today’s society. Of course, a cornerstone of my poetry is love, so relationships will make their appearance in this collection as well.

 

Timeline of this collection:

Organizing Poems: September

-deciding which poems go together in a theme. seeing what other themes go together to create different chapters for a collection, working through chapter title names.

Writing new material: September – December

-finding the gaps where more poems are needed to fill a chapter and what chapters are lacking exclusive poems.

Editing: December – January

-arranging poems in an order that will display nicely on book pages, cutting out poems that no longer fit the book’s theme, formatting drawings on a page

Reviewing: January – February 

-sending out ARCs to beta readers for review, reviewing potential edits, ordering proofs

Promoting: March – June 10th!!!!

-sending out ARCs to book bloggers and setting blog tour, social media posts, blog articles, book photography, preorders and info links

 

From organizing my collection, I figured out where the holes in my collection were and what I needed to work on adding. I knew I wanted to build from my first collection so I made sure to add double the amount of exclusive poems from Cracked Open and overall, produce a longer collection.

When publishing my first collection, I realized some errors and included beta readers as part of my process for this collection. Marketing is extremely difficult as an indie author and I will definitely have to dedicate a lot of time and effort on marketing this new collection.

There will be a cover reveal on the 13th so make sure you don’t miss it!

I truly want to thank all of my supporters on here, without you Cracked Open would have never been born and Where I Ache would never have crossed my mine.

What a Long Term Relationship has Taught Me

Prior to my current relationship I had only ever reached the early stages of dating. It was still a time to look and act your best as you still wanted to impress your date and win them over. As my relationship reaches its first year mark, I reflect back on the changes I’ve noticed when a relationship becomes long term.

People Stay

Since this is my first long term relationship, the biggest lesson has been that people do stay. I’ve never been in a relationship that stayed together after a fight. The first sign of trouble meant it was time to pack your bags. So i’ve wanted to avoid issues out of fear that it would make my boyfriend want to leave or that the fear of getting hurt would make me run away. Now even while in the mix of a disagreement, I’m thinking about the future past the current issue .

Comfort level

First is that you don’t always have to look your best. It’s the no makeup and freshly washed damp hair, it’s the double chin while laying in bed watching t.v., it’s the silent farts that don’t slip out so silent. You can relax and be yourself and also appreciate your partner feeling comfort enough to be vulnerable in the same way.   

Security

Having someone consistently in your life for a few months, you learn to count on them to be there for you. Knowing the fresh puppy love has worn off and that you will have bad days but you are still loved. Everyday won’t be great and you’ll probably ugly cry because you burnt the pancakes but now there’s someone there to help you make the next batch.

Trust

You trust them to show very vulnerable parts of yourself to them and know that they will hold you through the tears. I have also finally learned that issues and disagreements don’t have to be a threat to the relationship. That they are things to work on and grow from and not a reason for leaving.

Communication

You’re probably never communicating enough. So often i make assumptions because I’m afraid i won’t like the actual answer. But my own thoughts and worries hurt just the same and probably make it out to be worse than it is. It’s better to communicate how you’re feeling as soon as possible before your mind makes you crazy. There should even be conversations about how to best communicate. Defining the best time of day when you’re both open minded and phrases that aren’t in an attacking manner will be so helpful in future discussions.

Self Improvement

It’s made me come face to face with my own issues that I had been able to ignore when they weren’t really affecting anyone else. Since all of my dating history is short, failed relationships – I didn’t trust that this relationship would last past a couple of months. After the fourth guy leaves, your self esteem is bound to take a dip no matter who you are. So I had a lack of trust and self esteem and even added on jealousy for good measure. None of these are healthy for a relationship and my boyfriend hadn’t done anything to make me doubt him and that is also unfair. He shouldn’t have to pay for my ex’s mistakes. Over the months, I’ve made sure to communicate with my boyfriend when I’m struggling with one of these issues so he can help me help myself. I’ve also educated myself on ways to deal with these issues in a healthy manner and have enlisted help from others to better myself.

Working on Your Jealousy in a Relationship

Since jealousy usually pops up when someone outside your relationship is seemingly getting close to your significant other, most people would believe jealousy is about your SO or the other person. But it’s time you face the music and realize jealousy nearly every time is all about you. Jealousy only really pops up when there are issues of self esteem, trust, or fear.

 

Self Esteem

Low self esteem usually involves feelings of not being good enough and the idea that you’re difficult to love. This comes out during a relationship as not feeling like your a good partner and maybe the thought that your partner deserves someone else that is better. Your partner has already chosen you. Give them some credit to being a good judge of character and also realize they are able to make their own decisions of who’s a good partner for them.

Trust

Unless your current SO has done or said something that has cracked or broken your trust with them, then your trust issues are probably displaced from past experiences. If there was an issue with your SO this is the rare time your jealousy is not solely on you. If the relationship is continuing open and honest communicate will be vital in rebuilding that trust. You’ll want to try to gain control by limiting social media interaction or keeping tabs while they go out with friends. This is not a long term fix and you will eventually have to give back control and trust your partner to be faithful. But most of the time your trust issues would have developed earlier on from romantic and non romantic relationships. You’ll need to realize your SO hasn’t betrayed your trust and they can’t be punished for other people’s past mistakes. 

 

Fear

Fear is another possible cause for jealousy. You may fear losing this person you’ve grown to love, you may fear being left and feeling lonely, or you may fear a failed relationship and judgement from friends, family, and outsiders. These fears are mostly out of your control and your worrying is not doing any good for yourself or the relationship. Be the best SO you can be and realize if your partner decides to leave anyway that you are still a good partner and worthy of love.

 

Overcoming your issues

Finding the root of your jealousy is the first step in overcoming it. A helpful tool for working on these causes is affirmation phrases.

 

For Self Esteem try:

  1. I am worthy of love
  2. I am a good SO and fulfilling partner in my relationship
  3. My partner chose and loves me

 

For Trust try:

  1. My partner is not my ex.
  2. They have not hurt me and I trust they will take care of my love
  3. My partner truly loves me and is doing their best to show me so

 

For Fear try:

  1. I cannot control my partner’s choices
  2. I will be okay if this relationship fails
  3. I can depend on my family and friends for support
  4. I will be able to find someone else to truly cherish me

 

Write down the ones that resonate with you and come up with your own! When you feel your jealousy rising say these phrases to yourself and become grounded in your logic. The more you say them, the more you will believe them, and eventually you can conquer your jealousy.

Don’t forget to communicate with you partner , letting them know what your triggers are, and what support you need from them.