How can I trust myself to pick the right guy?

Over the past 5 years, I’ve been on tons of first dates. More than any person would ever want to, I’m sure. I kept going on first dates though because I was ‘picky’. I needed a palpable connection and a list of criteria to be met. It was meaningless first date after first date when I finally met my long term boyfriend.

Finally, someone I just connected with. The beginning was easy, I felt alive, and he was good to me. I finally picked the right one! Even his mom was excited about our future!

But time passed and he stopped treating me right and eventually he became my ex. I should have left a lot earlier than I did and now it’s hard to trust myself. 

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I’m really picky and I still didn’t pick the right guy. How can I trust myself now?

 

I’m wondering if I should go about picking partners differently now since clearly, I’ve been getting it wrong all these years. I don’t think I’m too picky honestly, but however I am picking must not be working. Do I need to stop putting so much weight on that feeling of connection?

Maybe with the information I knew at the time, I was picking right? And eventually as time goes on, someone who was right for you can stop being right for your future.

We all know love has a way of blinding us so maybe I need friends and family to pick the right match for me. People who know and love me and have my best interests at heart. But we probably all know someone we would have picked differently for and who’s to say that they made the wrong choice?

Maybe with the new lessons I learned from my dating experience, I will pick the right one next time and I can trust myself. I can trust myself by being self aware. By knowing I’m a hopeless romantic and where my weak spots are. By listening to red flags when I first see them and by understanding the type of men I gravitate towards.

 

May Playlist – Longing

1.My eyes adored you (1974

Frankie Valli and the Four Seasons bring you this song that still pulls at the heart strings decades later. This is a song that adores a woman from afar. Childhood friends that grew up together but never showed their romantic feelings. Frankie Valli even sings of reaching fame but still thinking of the devotion he had for this childhood love.

 

2. Jesse’s Girl (1981

Rick Springfield sings of the feelings he begins to foster for his friend’s girlfriend. He imagines the couple’s intimate time together after seeing the love they display before him. He wonders where he could find a woman like the girlfriend and what’s wrong with him that she wouldn’t want to date him.

 

3. Build Me Up Buttercup (1967)

The Foundations tell the story of a man trying to win over a woman who hasn’t given him much of a chance to woo her. He hopes she’ll make time to call or visit so he could show her how he feels. This song focuses on the dilemma of receiving mixed signals. They flirt and toy with each other’s feelings but can’t commit to giving this relationship a chance. 

 

4. Just a friend (2002)

Mario sings of his desire to get to his friend more intimately. He wants to form a deeper connection and learn about all of her successes and fears. The woman seems to be keeping his advances at bay, claiming he’s just a friend and she doesn’t share the same romantic feelings. 

 

5. Heartless (2019)

Diplo (ft Morgan Wallen) creates a song that definitely reflects how modern dating tends to go these days. She’s all about the chase and the attention of having a guy pursuing her. He’s hoping things could change and they can truly be together but she’s taking him on a rollercoaster of emotions.