August and September Playlists

August: Marriage/ First Dance Wedding

1. Dan and Shay’s Speechless from 2018. I mean come on, the music video is their weddings, it is THE PERFECT first dance song. Listen here

2. Eric Clapton’s Wonderful Tonight from 1977 is a classic that could never go out of style. Listen here

3. Ed Sheehan’s Perfect from 2017 is a song of pure love. I was torn on putting his single Thinking Out Loud instead, you can’t go wrong either way. Listen here

4. Matt Stell’s Prayed for You from 2019 reminds you just how sacred the vow of marriage is. Listen here

5. Casey James’ So Sweet from 2012 is a gorgeous song of finally finding the love of your life. Listen here

September: You should be with me instead

1.Mario’s Let Me Love You from 2004 reminds you that there is always someone who is waiting to treat you as well as you deserve. Listen here

2. DJ Khaled’s You Stay (featuring way too many people) from 2019 is a song about returning to a happier with you where you can focus on your goals with a good guy instead of being mistreated. Listen here

3. Rayne Johnson’s Front Seat from 2020 is a reminder to never be taken for granted but instead truly cherished. Listen here

4. Jordan Davis’ Singles You Up from 2018 is just a guy waiting for his chance to show you how great you could be together. Listen here

5. Kid Rock and Sheryl Crow’s Picture from 2002 will always stand the test of time in my book. The longing and heartache portrayed in that song is undeniable. Listen here

When Are You Going to Get Married?

I’ve finally hit the age where the first wave of engagements and babies is coming, and boy is it strong! Especially with the holidays where everyone is really feeling the spirit of family, there was a new social media post every week! I’m so happy for all my school friends and people from my local community that are starting new chapters in their lives! But as I talked to some mutual friends, they began to worry that they were falling behind in life now.

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Growing up, as we watch TV, movies, and society around us, we start to form ideas of when we should get married, buy a house, and have a baby. A strict timeline of having it all by the time you’re 30. I remember at 14 years old, my girlfriends saying they wanted to start having babies at 26. First off, it’s crazy that girls are encouraged to think about these things at such a young age. Secondly, this year we’re all turning 26 and let me tell you, none of us have husbands, babies, or houses. 

 

Everyone has a different life journey, some are closer to these milestones than others. Some of us may not want to reach one of these goals. But society puts this pressure on us to hit these milestones or be deemed an old maid or spinster. 

 

Surprisingly, I’m not feeling any of this pressure. Maybe if I had a boyfriend, I would worry about how our relationship was moving along. But I don’t really think that would happen, seeing as I don’t feel any pressure to even get a boyfriend. I do feel that this is in part due to the fact that the age in my head that I set for myself to be married is still 5 years away. That’s still plenty of time so no pressure.

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I also think society still has plenty of leniency at my current age. Yes, plenty of people at 26 do hit these milestones but it’s at the beginning of the expected range. I also know I’m not ready for any of those milestones. I’m still getting my footing and solidifying my career. Modern medicine has also progressed so although at age 35 you’re considered a geriatric  pregnancy, it is becoming increasingly common for women to start and continue having pregnancies in their late 30s.   

 

We’re reaching a point where society is pushing the timeline back which is good because there’s less pressure when you’re young and still deciding your life path. But I wish that we never had to feel these judgmental pressures. And for anyone who does not want to reach one of these milestones, society will continue to question and pressure you because you’re not fitting into their normal boxes. The next step is for society to let people live outside the boxes without judgement.

 

Is Online Dating Embarrassing?

The date had gone well and he was walking me to my car when instead of asking about our second date he says “we gotta start thinking about what we’re going to tell people about how we met”. Honestly, I was a little taken back. Should I be offended? Is he embarrassed of me? about how we met?

Of course, I couldn’t really be offended because I had similar thoughts just last week. Dating apps are where all the people who have been rejected in their real life congregate. Honestly though, that’s not exactly true. If you work really long hours or in an industry predominately populated by the gender you’re not interested in then you’re just not meeting enough people in the outside world that you could even consider dating. When I first joined online dating, I was in college surrounded mainly by college guys who were only interested in hooking up and partying. Since neither of those interests me, I decided to search for people who actually matched my interests.

Perhaps 5 years ago, when dating apps were much less mainstream, the few people meeting online would be embarrassed about admitting how they met. Now though, 49,650,000 people have tried online dating out of the 54,350,000 singles in the US. For those that haven’t given it a try, they probably still know a relative, friend, or coworker who is on a dating app. So if you’re talking to someone under 75 years old then you most likely don’t have to worry about anyone asking which fishing dock is named Plenty of Fish.

But maybe the issue isn’t IF people know about dating apps, it’s WHAT they know about them. Are dating apps seen in a negative light? Do people look down at those on such sites? But with one-third of marriages starting online, it now seems like an appropriate possibility with reasonable success for relationships. Sure, Tinder will probably always be seen as the hook up app or just a mobile game everyone plays now to pass the time. But even then, I still know a couple that originally met on Tinder now planning their wedding for next year.

Or maybe, it’s time we care less about what people think of us and our dating lives. If you’re dating a guy who treats you well and makes you happy, who cares how you met him! Your close friends and family will forget all about his dating profile once they begin to see him together with you more. And for everyone else’s opinions who don’t really matter, you’ll be too busy holding hands and making future plans to ever worry about such opinions.

 

No One Cries for the Sinners (An Abecedarian)

Arizona is the place for a funeral, if there ever could be such a place

because believe me when I say, Life

can’t take root in dry soil. No Botanist or Investigator

dares to try and stop her. She is contacted by the weak, the helpless, the hopeless,

each in dying need of her services. I think of her often today, while at my husband’s

funeral. She was careful; killing him slower than the fading pale

green bruises on my God- given body. If I was religious, any God of mine would be in

Hell right along with the criminals and devils she sends there. Hotter there than the

injected poison that inflames their bodies. Hotter than Arizona. Is it

Justice for the lives these men have already stolen? Depends on whom you ask.

 

Killers like Penelope are hard to find unless they want to be found. She never

lets people in too close, only the wicked

moths, like my abusive drunk husband, deserving of her fiery temper. She collects

newspaper clippings like coin collectors treasure Civil War nickels.

Obituaries like trophies line her walls. It was my life or his. I choose mine.

Proudly, I’d do it again. My body wasn’t his property to use or abuse as he wished.

 

Queen of murder, Penelope alone carries the weight of death and demons

rotting inside her. She straddles a line between serial killer and

superhero. Or are they just different sides of the same coin? I could not be more

thankful that she slayed the dragon that I couldn’t save my kids from. It’s not easily

understood, I know. Only those who survived a certain kind of darkness will.

 

Vigilantes like Penelope are clever, venomous, calculating, beautiful,

worst of all, deadly. A cold- blooded killer living in the dry grass,

xeric climate. A climate like fucking Arizona.

You won’t find life taking root, no tears to water its growth. It’s dead space, ground

zero for the ghosts and hellish creatures like Penelope and the sinners she kills.

 

-November 2015

 

Photo Credit

Do You Date the Guy You Know You Won’t Marry?

If you’re in a crunch and don’t have time to read, the short answer is No.

 

I mean yes, sure you could date him as long as you both know the deal: that it will eventually end so that you can each marry someone else (if you happen to choose that marriage is for you).

But that leads to a lot of IFs:

IF you catch hard feelings then it will be much harder to let things end later down the road.

IF you (or him) are counting on you changing your mind about your deal breakers.

Or you’re hoping he’ll change his mind, which is also a big IF.

I’m sure there are plenty of stories you might hear about loving someone so much that the deal breakers don’t matter or they just find a way to make it work. Those stories are definitely real and definitely happen. But even those relationships take a lot of hard work, communication, and compromising. And let’s face the facts, those are rare relationships and most of us aren’t that lucky.

If you don’t think you’re going to marry him, then you probably aren’t going to marry him. You can continue to date him, trying to convince yourself that you can make it work long term. You might succeed, you probably won’t. I might sound a bit too harsh but I’ve been here before. I’ve been the one looking for an answer that will make me love the guy I don’t truly love. Yes, I care for him, yes we have good conversation or good sex (fill in here whatever it is that makes you want to keep dating him), and yes he’s good for me. But if I really, really loved him, I probably wouldn’t have been on the Internet looking for answers. And you wouldn’t either.

Now if you also answered yes for when I said he was good for me, then I’m going to assume you and I have a lot in common. You probably tend to date assholes (the Cheater, the Liar, the One who Couldn’t Commit – I’m sure you know at least one of them), undervalue yourself, and jump from guy to guy looking for that real love.

Well, Honey the good news is you’ve come along way if you’re now able to recognize a guy who is actually good for you, respects you, and supports you. This guy might not be The One and you probably still have some work to do for yourself but I’m confident the right one will come along when you’re ready. Until then, live your life, continue to date that guy or don’t, order that 5th margarita or don’t, sleep in on the weekend or don’t. Just try your best to judge yourself less for the past and honor yourself more for the future.

You have a lot of love to give, and any guy of your past or future is lucky to experience that love, but it’s time you gave that love to yourself.