How to stop from getting in a relationship rut Part 2

Here are a few more tips and tricks to help keep your relationship healthy.

 

Write a list or note of some things you appreciate about your partner

As a relationship gets older, you might start taking your partner for granted or start expecting more instead of appreciating all that they already do. Sometimes you need to remind yourself of all the great things they do for you and with you so write a note listing some of the reasons you love your partner. Probably the most important part is the step that comes next, which is sharing that love note with your partner and letting them know that you see the little things they do for you and how much you appreciate them. 

Sharing the love you have for them can warm them up and open them up to show how much they appreciate you as well. A simple note can help ease any resentment that your partner may have been feeling because they felt unappreciated. Reading this note could also spark your partner to want to keep up with doing little things to show their love.

 

Go see art together and get inspired from your heart

As a poet, going to a concert or seeing a play really inspires me. I feel the emotions of the performance expanding my heart and cracking open my chest. Art is really good for your soul and with that, can be really good for your relationship. You’re both feeling that inspiration and  adrenaline that’s putting your mindframe into a better place. You’re usually experiencing art as a night out to relax so you’re letting go of work life stress and spending quality time together. Art can make you feel good and when you feel good, you want to do good. That’s great for any aspect of your life, including your relationship.

 

Spend time apart

You may wonder if spending time apart is a backwards step to getting out of a rut but it could be really healthy for the relationship. The relationship may have gotten into a rut because you’re spending all this time together but none of it is quality time and that is definitely not doing any good for your relationship. You come home from work stressed just to have household chores greet you at the door. Your partner may vent about their day which just piles more stress on to you. Or you could start to feel resentment for them either adding to or just not pitching in enough with the household chores. Either way, the intense emotions are just closing in on you and you feel no space is just your own.

 

This is a good time to regain some of that personal space and put in some me time. Time apart gives you time to detox all those negative emotions you’ve started to associate with your partner. It gives you time to miss your partner and realize you cherish what they do to help relieve your stress from work and the house. It gives you time to evaluate yourself and the relationship. It’s healthy for you which means it will always be healthy for the relationship.

 

Interview with Poet Robin Williams – Installment 7

This month’s Poet is talented beyond her years with 6 publications in just 2 years! Robin Williams’ poetry is as much of a fighter and activist as she is, standing for equality, lgbt+ rights, mental heath, and more. Along with poetry, Robin lets her creativity out in short stories, polymer clay designs, and hand-made crafts. This artist is just getting started, so let’s get to know Robin now!

Your poems focus heavily on an array of sensitive subjects, are there poems that are just so raw that they will never be shared with an audience?

Every poem I’ve ever written has most likely been shared with an audience. There are times I do write a piece that is very raw and I question myself if it should be shared, but a big part of me thinks that it must be shared. I feel that not only am I reflecting myself through my art to heal and analyze, but that someone somewhere is doing the same thing when reading my poetry. Together, we face the raw moments in life and I think that really makes a difference to those who feel like they’re alone in the world.

What was the idea behind publishing April Showers Bring May Flowers and Scars of Apollo just one day apart?

Scars of Apollo had been a planned announcement for almost a year and a half. April Showers bring May Flowers just sort of swept in through the window during the poetry month of April. It really all was just a spur of the moment but it made sense in the end. SoA was to bring healing, to share healing, and ASbMF delivered that healing further through being a collection for donations.

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Check out more photos from Robin’s Instagram

 

With six published collections (which is extremely impressive in 2 years time!), do you have a favorite?

(Thank you!) My books are literally my children and as every parent knows, to pick a favorite is the worst thing you could do. But I must say, yes, I have a favorite. Scars of Apollo has really brought me so much growth and positivity that my life has taken a trek in the best direction. Of course, I’m very proud of my other works, but SoA is my future and I like that alot.

 

I know you stand for a lot of causes, is there anything that’s really inspiring your current poetry in particular?

I’m at a mix between wanting to stir up some work that introduces readers to what I believe in, (I’m tasting a bit of witchcraft at the moment) and really breaking down my past year in reporting sexual assault. I think many people find it hard to not only grasp the horrible events many face, but hard to also share those events. I’ve seen my poetry taking on the role of a fighter who is many emotions; anger, guilt, regret, happiness, relief, and determination. Pulling strings from all parts of myself has set a sail within that I hope more people will board.

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See more hand-made creations from Robin’s FactioMagicis shop

How did you get into creating polymer clay designs?

It all started with YouTube. I consider myself very crafty; I enjoy getting my hands messy, leaving paper scraps everywhere, and letting glue stick to the table and my fingers. When I came across some videos of how to craft the polymer clay, I was immediately intrigued and purchased some clay the next day. From there, I went through trial and error to get the creations I wanted. It turned out to not only be a fun activity in my spare time, but proved to be a little therapeutic. I’ve even decided to include some in my new subscription boxes!

 

To get in touch with Robin or purchase one of her many creations, you can reach out –

on Instagram, on Amazon, on her blog, and on her shop !

Blog Tour Author Interview and Review by Beckie Writes

Where I Ache consists of 6 chapters, which one is your favorite?
I feel like saying My Soothing Arms, the self love chapter, would be too cliche and easy so I’m not going to pick that one. Instead, I’ll say My Weak Spine, the insecure/ self esteem chapter, is my favorite. I didn’t think I would be able to write about that topic in so many unique ways. I feel like different readers can all find a little piece of themselves just in that one chapter.

 

Now that you have two collections, are you playing favorites?
I honestly thought my first creative baby would always hold a special place in my heart. But I am so proud of the progress I’ve made in Where I Ache that it’s won me over. I’m thrilled that the collection is longer and I’ve more than double the amount of exclusive poems. I’m also proud to be writing about such sensitive topics and expanding my reach beyond just love poems. Lastly, I was able to work with my boyfriend on this second collection with him as my illustrator! He saved the day from my chicken scratch doodles haha.

 

Buy your copy of Where I Ache on Amazon

 

Read the full interview at Beckie Writes

Poetry Review: Where I Ache by Megan O’Keeffe — Northern Plunder

Where I Ache by Megan O’Keeffe Genre: Nonfiction | Poetry Length: 157 pages Published on 10th June 2019 by Author Purchase*: Amazon *these are affiliate links Megan O’Keeffe: Website | Twitter | Goodreads Received for free from the author in exchange for an honest review Synopsis: Where I Ache is broken up into six chapters […]

I really liked that it opened with an author’s note, addressing that the content may be triggering and seeking help is always an option. You do not have to fight your battles alone.

I felt heard and seen.

read the full review via Poetry Review: Where I Ache by Megan O’Keeffe — Northern Plunder

You Shouldn’t Have to Love Yourself First

Mental Health Awareness Month brings up so many important topics about mental illness and how their affect our confidence, self-esteem, thoughts, and moods. Your mental health affects your relationship with yourself, which in turn affects your relationships with your friends, family, and significant other. There is a common phrase of “You have to love yourself before you can love someone else”. I hate that phrase.

 

I don’t think you have to love yourself before entering a relationship. I would agree that it makes things run much smoother if you do love yourself and have all your issues dissected before entering a relationship. I’m personally still working on developing a healthy self esteem and there are many ways this manifests in my relationship. I always worry I’m not enough, that he’ll go looking somewhere else for better. It makes me paranoid and hard for me to trust him. I harbor on the mistakes I make in my relationship and get down on myself.

 

Not loving yourself makes you more willing to put up with disrespectful behavior from partners and that is where the common phrase of ‘you have to love yourself first’ comes from. I think it was just bad luck that I met someone who didn’t appreciate me before I ended up meeting someone who was very kind and respectful to me. Dating someone who treasured me gave me a guideline of exactly how I wanted to be treated in a relationship. If I had this experience before meeting someone who didn’t value me then I probably would have left very early on. I figured out how I wanted to be treated and the next guy I met is now my long term boyfriend.

 

Because I feel an absence of self love, I don’t want anyone else to experience that. Just because I don’t love myself doesn’t mean I can’t love anyone else. In fact, it motivates me to make sure I do show love to others. You can still be compassionate to others even when you’re still learning to be compassionate to yourself. Consider a mistake where you were hard on yourself and what you might say to yourself. Now consider your friend made that same mistake and what you might say to them. The attitude and thought process is completely different. It’s the same concept with showing love to yourself and to others.

 

Being in a relationship helps shed a spotlight on your positive traits and as your partner loves you, they teach you how to love yourself. You’re reassured that you are enough and that your partner chooses to be with you not anyone else. Your partner compliments you making you take note of something positive about you. My boyfriend once wrote a list of all the things he loves about me. It listed over 40 different things!! I can’t even tell you 40 things about myself much less anywhere close to things I might actually like about myself.

 

So No, I don’t think you have to love yourself first. I think you can still be good at loving other people. I think other people can help you learn to love yourself.  

 

These Roads Aren’t Safe to go Alone

I’m fighting with you

Instead of leaning in

My head’s a mess

I can’t keep this steering wheel straight

I’m forgetting that I have you in the passenger side

I just need someone to hold me

And i know you need it too.

I’m angry at myself for not reaching you sooner

I saw you on the road

You eyes half closed at the wheel

I’m sorry I wasn’t brave enough before

There’s things we can’t sweep under this red hood anymore

We’ll drive together from now on.

-July 2018

The Head Aches

My head hurts all the time

And sometimes there’s this dull

shoving at my forehead.

I can’t seem to gain control of my emotions

Every morning I wonder what dark room I’ll step into next

I don’t wake up on the wrong side of the bed

I’ve rolled off the cliff and hit the hardwood floor.

I told the Doctor but he couldn’t hear me

Over his preformed opinions.

Or maybe I’m just too stubborn to listen today