What are you looking for on here


In order to not waste each other’s time, an early question in the online dating world will be “What are you looking for on here?”. 

You never want to start off as seeming desperate so you always play it cool. Originally, I would go for an open ended, lighthearted response because I know boys scare easily. But now, if the idea of a relationship scares you then I don’t even want to waste my time hand holding you through the beginning of a relationship.

And that’s why I hate guys who say they’re 

“taking it day by day” 

“wherever it leads is where I end up” 

“nothing in particular” 

“just seeing how things go” 

“idk what I’m looking for”

(all actual quotes I’ve received)

I get not wanting to come off too strong but these guys just don’t care at alllll. I hate the wishy washy, could take it or leave it attitude. I want someone who cares and puts in effort. Who shows respect and potential. I know finding a real match is difficult and a lot of dating is ‘seeing how things go’ but I want someone who is mentally and emotionally ready to commit. 

These are guys that are just not as desperate as the guys who say they’re straight up looking for a good time. But they both are looking for the same thing. Casual, surface level companionship. They’re just trying to spin it a little differently so you’ll be fooled into thinking they really care about you. 

I’m looking for a boyfriend and I know these guys aren’t looking to settle down anytime soon and I’m not going to waste my time on that. I know friends with benefits can turn into a real relationship but that’s the exception to the rule and I’m not counting on beating the odds with that one. 

Unfortunately, some people just use dating apps as a way to pass the time and stave off boredom. It seems I’ve been running into a lot of them lately.

How can I trust myself to pick the right guy?

Over the past 5 years, I’ve been on tons of first dates. More than any person would ever want to, I’m sure. I kept going on first dates though because I was ‘picky’. I needed a palpable connection and a list of criteria to be met. It was meaningless first date after first date when I finally met my long term boyfriend.

Finally, someone I just connected with. The beginning was easy, I felt alive, and he was good to me. I finally picked the right one! Even his mom was excited about our future!

But time passed and he stopped treating me right and eventually he became my ex. I should have left a lot earlier than I did and now it’s hard to trust myself. 

IMG_4CE1AD7E081C-1

I’m really picky and I still didn’t pick the right guy. How can I trust myself now?

 

I’m wondering if I should go about picking partners differently now since clearly, I’ve been getting it wrong all these years. I don’t think I’m too picky honestly, but however I am picking must not be working. Do I need to stop putting so much weight on that feeling of connection?

Maybe with the information I knew at the time, I was picking right? And eventually as time goes on, someone who was right for you can stop being right for your future.

We all know love has a way of blinding us so maybe I need friends and family to pick the right match for me. People who know and love me and have my best interests at heart. But we probably all know someone we would have picked differently for and who’s to say that they made the wrong choice?

Maybe with the new lessons I learned from my dating experience, I will pick the right one next time and I can trust myself. I can trust myself by being self aware. By knowing I’m a hopeless romantic and where my weak spots are. By listening to red flags when I first see them and by understanding the type of men I gravitate towards.

 

What I thought a Pandemic would do to modern dating vs what’s really happening

What a crazy world we’re living in right now! A global pandemic that has completely changed our daily lives. It’s affected the dating world too.

Since we can’t really meet, I thought COVID-19 would weed out the fuckboys and hook up culture. It would force people to really talk and get to know each other before meeting up. It would foster relationships based on conversations and not looks or make outs. 

fullsizeoutput_cb9

I had seen the cute memes. They facetime, deliver meals to each other’s houses and have a virtual date. It was the most chivalrous dating I have ever seen. But I think those might be the rare cases.

 

What’s really happening are the fuckboys don’t care about social distancing and are still trying to get you to come over. For the smart ones who do listen to COVID rules, conversation goes stale quickly. A conversation normally lasts two weeks before you run out of questions and memories to talk about. Then you talk about the weather and the third walk you went on that day and the connection is dead.

Long Distance relationships work, in part, because they both have an end goal in mind of when they’ll get to see each other again. With this pandemic, you know they live close by but you don’t know when you’ll actually get to meet them in person. With no end goal or date in mind, it’s hard to keep the motivation to stay connected.

IMG_D759EDF489E1-1

I’ve lost all desire to connect with anyone new. There is no way a random date with some Tinder guy could possibly be worth the risk of catching or spreading COVID-19. And any potentially good matches are kind of ruined by the boredom so I nearly don’t want to talk to them until the world is a bit back to normal. If a match has potential now, then hopefully they will also have potential in another month or two. I guess I’m waiting for the guy that could catch my attention and change my mind. For now, no one is really catching my eye. 

 

Should you give advice to failed daters?

I’ve been on LOTS of first dates over the years and after a while they can really start to just blur together. But a few stick out to me and one is this guy who I went out to dinner with. During dinner I realized he wouldn’t be a match for me but after dinner we ended up taking my dog for a walk.

 

At this point to Me, the date was over and I was interested in learning about his past to try and figure out his ‘issues’. We eventually got into exes and he explained he didn’t really want to dive into it with a new person he’s getting to know. I felt terrible, blindsiding him that the date was over and I was just looking to offer him advice for his next stack of daters.

 

As a side note, I want to mention that it is a great idea not to dive into past relationships with someone new! Personally, little facts about ex’s will stay in my head and stop me from enjoying the moment with a new boo. You also have to take what’s said about past relationships with a grain of salt. That relationship was two different personalities with two different backgrounds and that won’t reflect the new relationship you’re building.

 

This leads me to the main point – should you give advice to fellow daters? Years ago, I wanted to. I thought I could help some nice guys out, I thought it might help give them closure as they weren’t left wondering what’s wrong with them that they can’t find a good match, and I’m fascinated by the way life shapes us. But the truth is, everyone is different and wants different things. 

 

The reason that you don’t like someone will be the EXACT reason someone else falls in love with them. If you tell them to hide it or get rid of it, you could be stopping them from finding that perfect match! We’re all different people, we have different interests and different goals for our futures. The wrong puzzle piece for you will be the perfect fit for someone else. So you probably shouldn’t suggest that they saw down their edges.  

 

Why dependability is the most attractive quality in a man

Now I’m a Taurus girl so security and stability make me weak in the knees but hear me out because I think you’re all about to swoon a little too.

 

A dependable guy just gets better as a relationship progresses. When you first meet him, he responds to your text in a timely manner, shows up to a date at the time he said he would, and doesn’t leave you guessing about how the relationship may be going. 

 

A dependable guy isn’t playing nearly as many games as the average guy in this modern dating app culture. You’re not getting left on read and you don’t have to play the game of who texts who first. You’re already more secure in the connection. You know where you stand because he’s standing steady. 

 

In a relationship, you can depend on him to be there for you emotionally and for him to hold a steady belief in your relationship growing. In a marriage, you can depend on him to be a partner in taking care of the household and be a stand up father to your kids. 

 

A dependable guy will be there physically when he says he will and he’ll be there for you emotionally when you need him to be. That feeling of security in a relationship immediately releases a load of stress. Less stress in a relationship helps you stay in sync and strive together in harmony. 

 

Why I like being single for now

Relationships are great and I know in time I will look forward to being in one again. But right now, there is a lot of enjoyment of being single! It’s a lot less stress for me to be single and here’s all the ways that’s true.

 

I saved a ton of money on gifts this holiday season. Let’s be honest, relationships require financial effort for dinners, trips, gifts, and fun date activities. You can date on a budget but being single now, I’m back in saving mode. The holiday season can sometimes include your significant other’s family if you’ve formed that bond. I was very lucky and got along with my ex’s family very well but I can’t ignore the fact that I saved a ton of money not having to get gifts for my ex and his family this holiday. 

 

Less stress, I just go about my business in my lane. There’s a give and take with this one. Every relationship has its ups and downs. When you’re single, you no longer have to suffer through the downs! You’re mood is steady, content. This also means it doesn’t go gleefully high. No exciting butterflies in the stomach. No thrill when you see their name on your phone screen. But there’s less emotional labor when you’re just looking out for yourself. My heart is safe and resting, no pressure there.

 

I’m not stressed about getting someone to like me. Not stressed about dates. I’m single single. If a guy is talking to me now, I very freely tell him No when I disagree with plans or topics. I don’t need to impress him, I don’t need to compromise. If the connection dies because I say No, then I have no problem with that. 

 

I have no guilt; I can do what I want with my time and not feel bad about neglecting my significant other. I don’t have to divide up my time. I can focus on my projects. I can feel good about the time I put towards friends and family instead of feeling like I’m choosing them over or under my boyfriend. I can watch whatever TV I want, whenever I want, at any volume I want.

 

This is a nice change of pace and freedom after having been in a long term relationship. Like all of you, I make the best out of every situation I’m in. I’ll start stressing about finding a relationship when I’m ready for that.

 

Digital Love Language

Some of us may be familiar with the 5 love languages but I thought with this modern dating era, there might be a second layer.

 

Constant Texting

Some people want that constant connection and interaction. They want to talk about their day, about events with friends, and random childhood memories. They want to learn everything about you, every detail and corner of your mind. These couples place high value on long notes detailing how much you love them and being the first thing you think of when you wake up. 

 

Facetime  

You don’t need the constant communication but when you do communicate you want it to have more quality. You want to vent and tell stories to each other with full animation and all the tea. Some couples just feel more connected by being in the same environment together and not necessarily talking. You want to see that smile, hear that laugh, and see their face light up when talking about their day

 

Sending Memes

These individuals may have a hard time expressing how they feel in their own words so they use art and published words to tell someone how they’re feeling. This is an easy, maybe passive way of keeping a connection which can be good for when you have a crush on someone. It also works well in long term relationship as a simple way to show that they’re thinking about you throughout the day. This is a way to make your partner laugh or communicate the type of mood you’re in.

 

Social Media  

They need everyone to know just how much they love you! They’re so proud of all your accomplishments, they’ll have a picture and paragraph for every one. Their social media followers will know of every good deed you’ve done from cooking dinner to trips to the beach. They may also know about every fight or embarrassing act you’ve done as well though. For better or worse, their followers have front row seats to your relationship.

 

Dating apps can make you healthier

Dating apps are about showing your best self, or at least what you think daters want to see. There are certain trends that go on in the dating world as far as hobbies and interests are concerned. In order to seem more appealing to potential suitors you could find yourself getting interested in these hobbies. I have to say, a lot of them will make you an all around healthier and happier being. 

 

GYM

The first one is the Gym. Majority of the profiles will mention going to the gym or some other physical activity that keeps them in shape. This could persuade you to also get a membership to keep your body healthy and peak interest from more suitors.

 

TRAVEL

Perhaps the second biggest bio is traveling. People love to talk about their exciting adventures and show off pictures. It’s something cool and fun to talk about. Traveling makes you more cultured and educated by learning different ethnic languages and backgrounds. 

 

FRIENDS

In a profile you definitely want to show off that other people like your company by having pictures of you and your friends at a bar or event. To attract suitors you’ll want to do this as well and hanging out with friends is a great way to relax and relieve stress. Keeping a social life is part of maintaining a healthy balance of your life between work or school. Friends can help you through difficult situations and help you feel less alone.

 

FOODIE

There are plenty of foodies on dating sites that can help you explore cuisine from all over the world. You can also discover healthier food options that you might not have heard about before. Some may even try out a vegan diet.

 

20 Funny reasons you can swipe left

Being on dating apps can wear you down quick if you don’t learn to find ways to laugh through the rough swipes. So here’s 20 Funny reasons you can swipe left!

  1. You don’t like their name

  2. its taking more than 10 seconds to figure out which person you should actually be looking for in all those group shots

  3. they wear their baseball caps weirdly high on their head

    Screen Shot 2019-10-14 at 8.41.05 PM
    www.modernman.com
  4. If his friends are hotter

  5. They flaunt their car too much

  6. There’s only one picture and it’s not even of a person

  7. All that vape smoke they’re exhaling is not impressing anyone

  8. They think they’re cool (have some humble pie)

  9. They don’t include their face at all

  10. Their bio says something like “good vibes only” or nothing at all

  11. They have a soul patch (or any other terrible facial hair)

  12. Their first picture is not of themselves (this has been a pretty good rule of thumb because normally clicking for the second photo is never worth it)

  13. because you know your mom won’t like their tattoo sleeve Screen Shot 2019-10-14 at 8.44.08 PM

  14. They make fun of what a girl’s bio usually says

  15. They talk about how they hate this app and don’t even know why they’re on it

  16. They’re just visiting town for a week or so 

  17. He has any piercings 

  18. They’re still using high school pictures

  19. They make any sort of demand in their bio (ie. ‘make me laugh’, ‘must be a fellow gymrat’, or something disgustingly dominant)

  20. If they have too many hunting or fishing pictures