July Playlist – Want You Back

 

1.Come Back Song (2010)

Darius Rucker starts off with a clever analogy of his morning coffee and the end of his relationship. He’s willing to admit he was wrong for ending the relationship and that she is doing well without him. The night seems to hit the hardest, missing her as he tries to fall asleep alone. He hopes this song will reach her and publicly humble him as he tries to win her back.

 

2. I Want You Back (1996)

NSYNC* brings another great bop as they sing of a mistake they’re trying to take back. He has to apologize and find a way to get her back. He reflects on how naive he was in the beginning of the relationship and the things he’d do differently now.

 

3. We Belong Together (2005)

Mariah Carey expresses her guilt of ending a relationship and how she misses his voice and touch. She remembers all the good times they had together and how he was such an important part of her life. Everything is reminding her of how much she misses him and how lonely she is now. The loss she feels is too great to properly explain.

 

4. Want You Back (2017)

HAIM sings of fearing love and therefore driving her lover away. But she’s ready to open up now and be vulnerable. She admits her mistake and will take the blame if that’s what it takes to get him back. She’s ready to commit her heart to loving him if he’ll let her. 

 

5. What if I Told You That I Love You (2020)

Ali Gatie wonders what she could say to get her lover back. She wonders if he could possibly feel the same way she does. She’s also a bit insecure about their past and if his feelings were really true for her. She fights an uphill battle though as he has found a new love. Still she hopes she’s not alone in her feelings.

 

 

MY GHOSTWRITER

You don’t like what I’m writing now.

I can understand you 

not wanting to hear these things

but you must understand 

you’re the one putting me through this.

If you don’t like yourself in this light

then maybe you should step up.

Walk a straighter path 

and you won’t find yourself slipping

on uneven ground.

You give the love you weren’t shown

You’re obnoxious 

Shouting for the attention

Your momma never gave you growing up.

You are not your sisters.

Parenting is not a one size fits all.

You were sensitive and destructive.

So you give out the love you never got

because you never want your love 

to be questioned like your 12 year old thoughts 

Do you have a new favorite movie?

I watch your favorite movie

As an illusion to feel close to you

and I don’t know why I would want that.

I drive past your house 

to see if you’re really doing well without me.

As if I’d see a banner hanging from your front porch

saying that your biggest mistake was ever letting me go.

 

-June 2018

September Advice Column – Single Parent Dating! Part 1

I’ve been asking quite a few questions about dating as a single parent and I’d like to offer advice for readers in the same position. Unfortunately my lack of knowledge and personal experience made me feel that I wasn’t the right person for the job. So I’ve enlisted some blogger friends with first hand knowledge to answer your questions! Our male perspective is Dating Dad and Define Relationship is our woman’s perspective!

 

When do you introduce suitor to kids (before or after official ) (from Single Parent Network)

DD: It’s a tough one, as I’ve not actually done it yet! I’ve always told my kids that they are number one in my life, and that if there’s a serious problem between them and whomever I’m seeing that nothing will come between me and them. This puts tonnes of reassurance out there for my kids (which is useful as my ex is doing the opposite), but also puts a fair amount of pressure on those first few meetings!

I don’t plan on introducing anyone until I’m sure that the relationship has legs and I’m sure that who I’m seeing both understands the importance of meeting my kids as well as actually wants to meet them. I put less of a timeframe on it than others as there are so many variables, but we would have to be super solid first and ready to kick on to the next level. And I’m not talking about being willing to change our Facebook status to “in a relationship”.

I’ve got four kids, ranging in age from 5-13, and they all know I’m dating. We spoke about it early on – in fact, they actively encouraged it as they wanted me to find someone to help make me happy. My 13 year old has even bumped into me on the way to dates as she’s been on her way home from friend’s houses to her mothers.

That being said, I don’t really talk about it with them as I don’t want them to invest too much into anything. Until I’m in a relationship which I want to lead somewhere and think will lead somewhere I won’t even mention people’s names, simply that I went out somewhere nice or spoke to someone interesting.

 

DR: Depends on how comfortable I feel and if it’s going to last. I was with a guy for four months then introduced him to both my kids. We were official then but I would not if we were just dating. Although I was official with a guy for a year and never introduced him to them.

 

Should you tell your kids about every date – that you’re dating at all? (from Life in the USA)



DD: For this one I’d definitely spend some time building up to it. The kids need to know that this person is serious, and that they make you happy. If you’re happy then they are more likely to be too, so positive association is key.

I plan on doing this in a neutral place so there’s no sense of home or space invasion; it’s corny, but something like a funfair would be perfect. Lots to distract and occupy, and without any need to force conversation for very long.

Wherever it was done, it would need to be treated very carefully and with the kids at the heart of it all. Softly, softly would be the order of the day, with not too much overt smushy stuff between the two of you in order to reinforce that the new SO is never going to come between parents and kids.

 

DR: I don’t tell my children about every date I’m going on. I tell them where I am going and what time I will be back and I am out with a ‘friend.’

Signs You Know the Relationship is Over

Everything they do annoys you.

Those little habits you used to find so adorable are suddenly the bane of your existence. They way they talk, how they’re always late, and if have to pick up one more sock off the floor you’re going to lose it!

 

 

You want to spend less time with them.

Because they annoy you so much you want to spend less time around those irritating habits. You feel you need space to breathe and decompress. You dedicated so much time into the relationship and now you want to nourish your other friendships so that you can handle the loss of the relationship better. You might be hoping that this time apart will make you miss them and appreciate them.

 

You stop being intimate

When someone is irritating you and you’re not feeling the love then you most likely don’t want to be affectionate. You want to get far away from them, cuddling makes you want to scream, and you fake headaches and the like to get out of bedroom activities.

 

You’ve been having doubts for weeks and months.

All relationships go through ebbs and flows but if you’ve been stuck in this rut for an extended period of time then maybe the relationship has run its course. The love isn’t there anymore and perhaps neither of you are really willing to work on bringing it back. You don’t know how much long you can continue to live in this unhappy state.

 

You’re debating if you should stay with them or not

If you’ve started considering it then this is probably the end. The debate is telling you what you might not be fully ready to hear yet. If you were truly happy and committed to the relationship, this thought would probably never cross your mind. You’re already starting to mentally check out of the relationship.

 

You stop imagining a future with them & start thinking about your life without them.

You’re less interested in the future plans and trips the two of you made. You stop considering them as a factor of your future career, living situation, and family life. Thinking about the relationship being over gives you instant relief. You want to be sure you’d be making the right choice so you imagine being able to live without them. You think about how you’ll get back into the dating game and how you’ll occupy your new found free time.You’re already thinking of the next step instead of trying to solve issues in the relationship anymore.

 

Getting Closure on a Past Relationship

If you all remember Stubborn from late 2016, I became fed up with his lack of willingness to progress our relationship and decided to cut my losses in order to move forward.  Months into my current relationship and he was still hitting me up a couple of times. We never even dating! Granted he was contacting me to complain about his current girl problems and asking for advice.

He didn’t like me enough to ever date me but now he won’t leave me alone. It made no sense to me and I told him I wanted answers. In typical Stubborn fashion he danced around the question with redirects and telling me his problems so I’ll feel bad for him instead of angry.

He continued to express his frustration that the girl he was interested in would not hang out with him or pursue a relationship him. I pointed out just how ironic it was that he was complaining to ME about it and even told him I wrote an article on it. Then hell froze over and he actually apologized. It wasn’t an “I’m sorry but..” or “I’m sorry you feel this way..”. It was a straight I’m sorry. Perhaps he was finally owning up to some of the frustration and doubt he put me through. Finally he could relate so vividly to the exact spot he left me in.

I instantly felt different. Reading the words I’m sorry did something for me. Offered a type of closure and validation. There was finally no excuses nor holes in his explanations. Straightforward and clear, something I always wanted from Stubborn. My struggles and insecurities were validated. I had taken responsibility for the part I played in this delusion. Although he offered it late, he finally seemed to take his share of the blame and the closure was healing for me.

You don’t always get offered closure in relationships. It leaves you wondering where things went wrong, could it have been fixed, and your thoughts circle around your insecurities. I still don’t have all answers for why he always acted the way he did but I learned how to heal some of my insecurities.