What are you looking for on here


In order to not waste each other’s time, an early question in the online dating world will be “What are you looking for on here?”. 

You never want to start off as seeming desperate so you always play it cool. Originally, I would go for an open ended, lighthearted response because I know boys scare easily. But now, if the idea of a relationship scares you then I don’t even want to waste my time hand holding you through the beginning of a relationship.

And that’s why I hate guys who say they’re 

“taking it day by day” 

“wherever it leads is where I end up” 

“nothing in particular” 

“just seeing how things go” 

“idk what I’m looking for”

(all actual quotes I’ve received)

I get not wanting to come off too strong but these guys just don’t care at alllll. I hate the wishy washy, could take it or leave it attitude. I want someone who cares and puts in effort. Who shows respect and potential. I know finding a real match is difficult and a lot of dating is ‘seeing how things go’ but I want someone who is mentally and emotionally ready to commit. 

These are guys that are just not as desperate as the guys who say they’re straight up looking for a good time. But they both are looking for the same thing. Casual, surface level companionship. They’re just trying to spin it a little differently so you’ll be fooled into thinking they really care about you. 

I’m looking for a boyfriend and I know these guys aren’t looking to settle down anytime soon and I’m not going to waste my time on that. I know friends with benefits can turn into a real relationship but that’s the exception to the rule and I’m not counting on beating the odds with that one. 

Unfortunately, some people just use dating apps as a way to pass the time and stave off boredom. It seems I’ve been running into a lot of them lately.

Ghosting Made Easy

It’s October so obviously I have to talk about ghosting at some point this Halloween season!

In 2017 I wrote about instances where it actually might be better to ghost. Here we are two years later and I’m still thinking ghosting has its benefits. 

 

The thing is, we’re so used to ghosting now that we don’t even really know how to handle Not being ghosted by someone. Actually having direct communication with a date now seems confrontational. Ghosting is easy, it’s non confrontational, and it’s the cowards way. With this in mind, anything else is then seen as aggressive. 

 

In all honesty, many of us are too immature to handle an honest conversation in a reasonable manner. If you ghost someone you don’t have to hurt their feelings with rejection. When someone tells you they’re not interested in you, it’s hard to not take it personally. It’s easy to become defensive when you feel rejected or attacked. 

 

At least when you were ghosted, you could tell yourself whatever story you wanted to about that person and why they suddenly dropped off. Even when you’re not interested in someone, it’s annoying to hear that person say they’re not interested in you either.

 

When you tell someone directly that you’re not interested it usually ends up being some cliche of “Great meeting you but I don’t see us working out. Best of luck though”. Cliche break up lines tend to rub people the wrong way because they sound so well -rehearsed and fake. It’s stiff and distant, often making the receiving party feel uncomfortable.

 

If you’ve been in the dating game for a long time you’ve probably had loads of first dates. It can really become emotionally taxing to have this same conversation with every single suitor. You never really know how each individual will handle confrontation and rejection like that so it’s an emotion risk every time.

 

Maybe if we all ghosted less then having the ‘it just isn’t going to work’ conversation wouldn’t seem so aggressive and could be handled more amiably. But until then, being honest is an aggressive gamble.

 

Is your guy relationship material?

You’ve been seeing this guy for a few weeks or months and things are going great! You’re hanging out together regularly and you’ve talked about the relationship progressing from exclusive to fully committed and official. There are some telltale signs to show that you’re guy is really ready and good relationship material.

 

Communicates

He’s communicating about his feelings and thoughts, your feelings or thoughts, or just about the weekend plans together. He’s asking about your day and filling you in on his.

 

Makes Plans for the Future

He’s looking past just the next few days with you and plans into the future. He’s thinking about concerts, festivals, and gatherings with close ones that are weeks and months into the future. He sees you in that future, not just a present short term relationship.

 

He Factors you into his Future

When he’s thinking about his future he’s including you and considering how it will work for the two of you together. This may come a bit further along but when considering school, work, or big financial decisions, he’s factoring in how it will affect the relationship and how to make the future work cohesively.

 

Improving Himself

He’s improving himself for his future and himself with your support and motivation. He wants to make sure he’s the man you want.

 

He tries to connect with your friends and family

He knows your friends and family are an important part of your life and he wants work on integrating himself into your social world. The relationship doesn’t need the added pressure of your friends or family not approving of him so he’ll work to make sure that doesn’t happen.

 

September Advice Column – Single Parent Dating! Part 1

I’ve been asking quite a few questions about dating as a single parent and I’d like to offer advice for readers in the same position. Unfortunately my lack of knowledge and personal experience made me feel that I wasn’t the right person for the job. So I’ve enlisted some blogger friends with first hand knowledge to answer your questions! Our male perspective is Dating Dad and Define Relationship is our woman’s perspective!

 

When do you introduce suitor to kids (before or after official ) (from Single Parent Network)

DD: It’s a tough one, as I’ve not actually done it yet! I’ve always told my kids that they are number one in my life, and that if there’s a serious problem between them and whomever I’m seeing that nothing will come between me and them. This puts tonnes of reassurance out there for my kids (which is useful as my ex is doing the opposite), but also puts a fair amount of pressure on those first few meetings!

I don’t plan on introducing anyone until I’m sure that the relationship has legs and I’m sure that who I’m seeing both understands the importance of meeting my kids as well as actually wants to meet them. I put less of a timeframe on it than others as there are so many variables, but we would have to be super solid first and ready to kick on to the next level. And I’m not talking about being willing to change our Facebook status to “in a relationship”.

I’ve got four kids, ranging in age from 5-13, and they all know I’m dating. We spoke about it early on – in fact, they actively encouraged it as they wanted me to find someone to help make me happy. My 13 year old has even bumped into me on the way to dates as she’s been on her way home from friend’s houses to her mothers.

That being said, I don’t really talk about it with them as I don’t want them to invest too much into anything. Until I’m in a relationship which I want to lead somewhere and think will lead somewhere I won’t even mention people’s names, simply that I went out somewhere nice or spoke to someone interesting.

 

DR: Depends on how comfortable I feel and if it’s going to last. I was with a guy for four months then introduced him to both my kids. We were official then but I would not if we were just dating. Although I was official with a guy for a year and never introduced him to them.

 

Should you tell your kids about every date – that you’re dating at all? (from Life in the USA)



DD: For this one I’d definitely spend some time building up to it. The kids need to know that this person is serious, and that they make you happy. If you’re happy then they are more likely to be too, so positive association is key.

I plan on doing this in a neutral place so there’s no sense of home or space invasion; it’s corny, but something like a funfair would be perfect. Lots to distract and occupy, and without any need to force conversation for very long.

Wherever it was done, it would need to be treated very carefully and with the kids at the heart of it all. Softly, softly would be the order of the day, with not too much overt smushy stuff between the two of you in order to reinforce that the new SO is never going to come between parents and kids.

 

DR: I don’t tell my children about every date I’m going on. I tell them where I am going and what time I will be back and I am out with a ‘friend.’

10 Ticking Time Bombs in a Relationship

Keeping a relationship going is hard work and there are a number of traps you and your significant other can slip into. CEO from 1 Code Hub asked me what are some issues that could cause future break ups and I’m here with some answers!

Lack of communication  

I’ve answered before that communication is the most important part of a successful relationship. Even with how much you’re communicating now, you could probably always do some more. Communicating can be very tough; there are many different communication styles and it’s easy to read into words and become defensive. You may also be approaching a tough topic and that will make things tense and you’ll be nervous about how vulnerable you feel. Keeping your thoughts and feelings to yourself though will only allow them to fester and can make an issue bigger than it needs to be. This also doesn’t give your partner a chance to give their side and perhaps ease your worries.

Past Issues

There’s a good chance this isn’t your first relationship but even if it is, you’ve experienced hurt through non romantic relationships. You’ve been abandoned, lied to, betrayed, and criticized. In order to protect yourself from getting hurt again, you’ll assume your partner will do these things to you as well until you’ve built up enough trust to let your guard down. This isn’t really fair to your partner to be treated like a criminal from the start. And it doesn’t start your relationship on a good foot either.

Assumptions

A lack of communication and trust issues can lead to a lot of assumptions. Your thoughts and fears will get the best of you. You’ll imagine the worst and your fear will shut you down. This will feed into your self doubt and seeps into the relationship. You’re dooming your relationship before giving it a real chance.  

Social media

There have been a few studies on how Social media has affected the mental health of today’s society and that leaks into your relationships with others. Social media can be detrimental to a relationship due to the comparison it allows. You see other relationships on social media, in love and having fun just after another fight with your boo. You become insecure about your own relationship and wonder why you are both struggling so much right now.

What you don’t see in those smiling photos are all the fights and tears those couples have gone through. I’m always surprised when I learn about disagreements in relationships close to me. How did I not know about the issues they had been facing? They seem so happy and healthy together. Social media makes it difficult to remember that every couple, especially happy ones, still have their issues and face hard times.

Social media also allows you to keep track of your SO and learn a history of things about them early on. A lack of independence and privacy isn’t healthy for even the closest of couples. If you’re stalking your SO to see all the photos they like and become jealous when you find someone attractive. This is something you didn’t really need to learn about as long as there’s no direct contact. There’s a certain about of autopilot when on social media and I’m sure you still find strangers attractive as well. Doesn’t mean you want a relationship with them and the same should be said for your partner.

Involving too many people in your relationship

Every single relationship will have issues arise at some point. It’s at these times that you’ll want to turn to others for emotional support and guidance. Sometimes talking to someone can talk you down from an issue and help you be more understanding when going back to your significant other to talk things out.

The issue is that you’re looking for guidance to make a relationship work but you’re also giving reasons for your friends and family to dislike your significant other. This can make things difficult down the road so try to think of the future even when having current issues. You’re also letting other people’s opinions steer your relationship which doesn’t really involve them. In the end, it’s your relationship, treat it as such. Of course, there will be times when your family needs to step up when your emotions are clouding your judgment too much to take proper care of yourself.

Lack of Support

Ignoring the concerns and struggles of your partner is a recipe for ending up alone. By doing so you’re teaching them that they can’t rely on you for support and you invalidate their feelings. It’s very important to operate as a unit when out with others. You won’t agree with your partner on a number of topics and should voice that if it’s important but you also don’t want your partner to start feeling like it’s them against you and your friends/family. You’re the one who’s close to your family and it’s up to you to stand up to them and defend your partner. This show of support will carry you through some tough times in the relationship.  

What a Long Term Relationship has Taught Me

Prior to my current relationship I had only ever reached the early stages of dating. It was still a time to look and act your best as you still wanted to impress your date and win them over. As my relationship reaches its first year mark, I reflect back on the changes I’ve noticed when a relationship becomes long term.

People Stay

Since this is my first long term relationship, the biggest lesson has been that people do stay. I’ve never been in a relationship that stayed together after a fight. The first sign of trouble meant it was time to pack your bags. So i’ve wanted to avoid issues out of fear that it would make my boyfriend want to leave or that the fear of getting hurt would make me run away. Now even while in the mix of a disagreement, I’m thinking about the future past the current issue .

Comfort level

First is that you don’t always have to look your best. It’s the no makeup and freshly washed damp hair, it’s the double chin while laying in bed watching t.v., it’s the silent farts that don’t slip out so silent. You can relax and be yourself and also appreciate your partner feeling comfort enough to be vulnerable in the same way.   

Security

Having someone consistently in your life for a few months, you learn to count on them to be there for you. Knowing the fresh puppy love has worn off and that you will have bad days but you are still loved. Everyday won’t be great and you’ll probably ugly cry because you burnt the pancakes but now there’s someone there to help you make the next batch.

Trust

You trust them to show very vulnerable parts of yourself to them and know that they will hold you through the tears. I have also finally learned that issues and disagreements don’t have to be a threat to the relationship. That they are things to work on and grow from and not a reason for leaving.

Communication

You’re probably never communicating enough. So often i make assumptions because I’m afraid i won’t like the actual answer. But my own thoughts and worries hurt just the same and probably make it out to be worse than it is. It’s better to communicate how you’re feeling as soon as possible before your mind makes you crazy. There should even be conversations about how to best communicate. Defining the best time of day when you’re both open minded and phrases that aren’t in an attacking manner will be so helpful in future discussions.

Self Improvement

It’s made me come face to face with my own issues that I had been able to ignore when they weren’t really affecting anyone else. Since all of my dating history is short, failed relationships – I didn’t trust that this relationship would last past a couple of months. After the fourth guy leaves, your self esteem is bound to take a dip no matter who you are. So I had a lack of trust and self esteem and even added on jealousy for good measure. None of these are healthy for a relationship and my boyfriend hadn’t done anything to make me doubt him and that is also unfair. He shouldn’t have to pay for my ex’s mistakes. Over the months, I’ve made sure to communicate with my boyfriend when I’m struggling with one of these issues so he can help me help myself. I’ve also educated myself on ways to deal with these issues in a healthy manner and have enlisted help from others to better myself.

Dating App Run Through

Tinder – probably got its fame by becoming notoriously known as the Hook Up App. No reason to spend time writing up a bio or putting up more than one picture, minimally effort required to Netflix and Chill. People also use Tinder as an ego boost, racking up as many matches as possible without ever messaging anyone. A game to pass the time, a swiping addiction that’s hard to stop even after you’ve found the one you want to exclusively date.

Bumble – Is like Tinder in the regard that there’s a short area for a bio and it’s the swiping game. The main different is that the girl has to be the one to make first contact. Some guys AND girls have issues with this because society says men should be making the first move and pursuing the woman. If your fragile ego is bothered by this then just stick to Tinder. The other difference from Tinder is the time limits. The girl has 24 hours to make initial contact and after that, the guy has an additional 24 hours to make that first response and establish a connection. I enjoy this because it forces acknowledgement. You don’t have to wonder if they’ll message you or if they even saw the message. The rule is simple, you snooze you lose. My one issue with Bumble is that I do wish it included ‘last active time’ because I know there are profiles that have not been touched in months and yet they still get in rotation. If you haven’t been on your active account in 2-3 months then it should be deactivated. Bumble also stands out because you can send picture messages which is not always the case with other dating apps.

OKCupid – I have given the nickname ‘Build-A-Boyfriend’ to OKC because it allows you to create criteria when searching for matches such as education level, body type, ethnicity, drinking/smoking preference, and ‘what you’re looking for’ (i.e. friends, long-term dating, casual). OKC is also very in-depth by asking prompt questions such as ‘self summary’, ‘what I’m doing with my life’, ‘favorite books, music, movies, food’ and survey type questions to help you match people with similar answers.. This allows you to really get to know a person and understand if you’re both looking for the same things. It also has a lot of added features that you can paid for with a monthly subscription. I also like that OKC has a website page as well as the app which both Tinder and Bumble do not.

Plenty Of Fish – has a lot of similarities to OKC like body type, ethnicity, and religion as well as creating a decent bio with an ‘about me’ and ‘activities’ section. POF also has a website but I strongly prefer OKC to POF and I believe it has to do with the landing page and the systems just seeming so out of date. I feel like my laptop should have a dial-up when I visit that site. I’ve heard plenty of relationship success stories through Tinder and OKC where as I’ve never even heard of anyone meeting up on POF but maybe it was more popular back when it started in 2003.

Match – is another old landing page. I know Match’s demographic leans older but the website could really use an update. The reasons I tried Match was in part because of those new commercials that seem to be targeting a younger demographic. I was curious to see if the marketing had worked and since you have to pay for Match I figured more people seriously looking for a relationship would gravitate there. The Marketing Campaign does not seem to be have much of an effect on the membership age so far since there is still a limited amount of 20 somethings aged profiles. Even if I was 20 years older, I would not be impressed by Match.

Coffee Meets Bagel- is unique because it severely limits the amount of profiles you can view in a day. They will either pick out a ‘bagel’ for you daily or allow you to browse 10 profiles and pick one for that day. This forces you to take each profile more seriously instead of mindlessly swiping for hours. Something CMB used to do but has since gotten rid of was getting feedback from you whenever you ‘passed’ on your potential match for that day. The other odd thing about CMB is that connections only stay open for a week and thereby the app forces you to forfeit the communication or move on to another messaging app. Although CMB is an app only dating space like Tinder and Bumble, it encourages more in-depth bios by including height, religion, self summary, likes and hobbies, and what you’re looking for in a date.

Hinge- is oddly exclusive as the app could only be downloaded if you have an iPhone until now with the launch of the app for Android users. Hinge has you log in via your Facebook so that they can access your friends network and start matching you with friends of friends. I think this paired with the fact that you’re only given 15 or so matches a day ups the chances of finding someone looking for an actual relationship. If you’re just looking for random hook ups you probably don’t want it to be someone you could run into later at a friend’s BBQ nor would you want to limit your ‘hey you up’ text to only 15 people. A downfall though has perhaps been the limit of users because with over 600 Facebook friends, I regularly pass the same profiles every week and began visiting the app less and less.

The Boyfriend does Q&A!

DD: The tables have finally turned! My Boyfriend is giving us a Tell All on our relationship and I get to hear his inner thoughts on some questions you guys have been wondering! Let’s get this show started!

1.How do you feel about her? by Homelife

That’s an easy question, I love her. From the first date that we went on I could tell that she was different from any girl that I had ever met before, and over the past couple of months I’ve considered myself the luckiest guy in the world for having her in my life.

2. How do you feel about your gf blogging about you and your relationship? Do you read what she writes? Approve/ edit? by Floating Gold

To be honest, at first it felt a little weird for me. But that’s mostly because DD creates all of her content several months before posting it to this blog, so when we first started dating she was still posting about going on dates with other guys. But ever since she started posting about me, I absolutely love reading it. It really shows me how much she loves me.

DD: I consider majority of my posts about Boyfriend to be some form of a love letter and I think it holds more feeling and impact if he doesn’t see them until the finished project is ready. But I will sometimes send him poems before they are published on here.

3. Opposites attract or two peas in a pod?

For the most part, two peas in a pod. I’m sometimes shocked by how similar our personalities are. We both seem to have the same values and morals. Both of us are the type who would rather spend a night cuddling up and watching a good show or movie than going out to a bar or club. Our similarities make it very easy to spend time together because we usually agree on what it is that we want to do.
However, we do have some differences. DD is a morning person who can easily wake up when her alarm sounds, while I’m the kind of person who hits the snooze button five times before rolling out of bed. (DD: literally impossible to wake him up…)I like to drink beer, DD only drinks hard cider. DD also has an amazing short-term memory, but a horrible long-term memory, entire parts of her childhood she can’t remember. I’m the opposite, I can remember things that happened years ago in great detail, but I have a terrible short-term memory, so we balance each other out. But perhaps the biggest difference is that I know that beagles are the best breed of dogs, while DD still thinks that Shiba Inu’s are the best. (DD: You’ll come around to the truth eventually mwhaha)

4. When did you know you really liked DD?

As DD mentioned in a previous post, she had been on a few dates prior to our first date, and so had I. As a matter of fact, both of us went on dates with other people the night before our first date together. Even crazier, both of us almost cancelled going on that first date with each other. Fortunately we didn’t cancel, and the date that we both thought would be a quick dinner date that would last for an hour at best, turned into a date that lasted nearly six hours. So to answer the question, the first date was when I knew that I really liked DD.

5. What’s been your favorite date so far?

This is a hard question, because we’ve had so many great dates. Also it’s hard to tell what is considered a date and what is not. My answer to this question may be slightly controversial because it lasted an entire weekend. The time we took a trip to Upstate New York. This was our first trip together and the longest continuous amount of time we spent together. I made a playlist of our favorite songs for the road trip up to Albany. Albany is the city where I went to college, so I know the city very well and had a lot of fun showing DD all of my favorite places. When I introduced her to my two best friends from college who both still live in Albany, I was very worried because they never liked any of my other girlfriends before, but they absolutely loved DD.
The second day of our trip is what really made it special though. As we were driving up to Saratoga from Albany, we stopped at a park along the way that overlooked Cohoes Falls. As we were standing on a bridge overlooking the water fall, I told DD that I loved her, it was my first time saying it, but it just felt right to say it. Once we got to Saratoga we stayed at this cute little hotel that had a courtyard with a fireplace. That night we sat next to the fire for hours cuddling and talking. Everything felt perfect.

6. What your favorite feature about your lady? (nothing too cliche please or inappropriate) by Bexoxo

My favorite feature about DD is her smile. Whenever she gets excited about something she gets this big grin on her face that’s absolutely adorable. (DD: I remember he once described this ‘big grin’ as taking up half of my face, which sounds creepy, not adorable if you ask me…)She also has a great body too, but I can’t get too inappropriate so I’ll just leave it at that.

7. So now that you’ve found love, tell us how should we find it?

Unlike DD, this is not my first relationship. I’ve been in several others, some of which were downright terrible, others which just didn’t have the spark needed to sustain a successful relationship. My advice would be that if you’re in a relationship with somebody and you are unhappy or just don’t feel the magic, get out of it, because you never know when the perfect person will walk into your life and the last thing you want is to miss that opportunity.

8. Who’s more romantic? What was the romantic gesture?

I would say that I’m the more romantic one, I’m always trying to think of new and creative romantic things that I can do. Anything to make DD show me her smile.

DD: I would also agree Boyfriend is the more romantic one, he does it in simple thoughtful ways, like when he went on a business trip for a week but somehow secretly left a handwritten love note in my work bag to read while he was gone. He’s incredibly open in expressing his feelings for me and I can’t begin to explain how much I value that in a significant other.

9. What character name do you wish you had on the blog? What character name would you give DD if you had a blog?

The name that she gave me is perfect. Originally, she wanted to name me “boats” because our first couple of dates all took place near the water, (DD: Honestly, he realllllyy likes boats…)but I convinced her that boats was a stupid name.

10. When did you find out about the blog? by Formerly Unfortunate

When we first started talking online, I saw the link to the blog on her Instagram. I checked it out a little bit, but it didn’t deter me from going on our first date.

11. Have you read the old posts? If so, what did you think and if not, what made you refrain from doing so? by Dating Dad

I have read some of the old posts. As I mentioned in one of my other answers, it did make me feel a little weird at first, but it doesn’t bother me too much.

DD: Thank god Boyfriend doesn’t have a blog because we all know how I would handle old posts… 

12. What do you think made you stand out from the crowd and secure official boyfriend status? by Dating Dad

To be honest, I have no clue. As I said neither one of us wanted to go on the first date, and to make matters worse, I had a stain on my shirt that I didn’t find out about until later that night. But somehow I was able to stand out from the crowd, and I’m thankful that I did.

DD: I can, of course, list things I love about Boyfriend such as his work ethic and ability to make me laugh but I also wonder why we clicked so well on that first date and how that connection continues to grow months and months later. All I know for sure thought is that I feel so safe in his love for me and it’s so easy to love him back.

13. End the debate, is DD dateable?

Yes!

 

When DD first told me that I would be answering questions for her blog I got a little nervous, but answering these questions has actually been a lot of fun for me. Writing my answers got me to think back and relive the last couple of months that DD and I have spent together, and what makes her so special. I look forward to seeing the response that this post gets on her blog, I look forward to reading more of her posts, and of course I look forward to loving her some more. (DD: Aww, he’s so frinking cute!)

If you’ve never been on a dating site…

Q&A of all things people who have never been on a dating app might ask! Thanks so much to all those who participated and for reading!!!!

How long do you talk before meeting up?

Of course, all answers will vary here depending on the type of person you ask and the type of relationship they are seeking via these apps. I, personally, never liked to meet the same week that I started talking to someone so the sweet spot for me was around 10 days. This way I could find out what they did during the week (such as school or work) and also what type of weekender they were (from homebody to passed out at the bars). If conversation was flowing and we had similar interests then I would feel more confident that I wasn’t wasting my Saturday evening. Those seeking a more casual relationship would most likely meet up within a few days.

How did you start?   Bexoxo

Wow this is a throwback to November 2013! I transferred colleges (aka didn’t have many friends at the time), was a hopeless romantic, and was looking to fill up some of my free time so I found myself creating an OKCupid account. I was open to meeting people and did date someone for a few weeks right away but plenty of people start out just browsing and chatting until they get comfortable enough with the idea to meet people and actually start dating. Don’t rush yourself, delete and redownload those apps as often as you need.

Do you prefer apps or websites?

I prefer websites because they’re easier to browse by offering different search options. On apps you can only swipe, it’s usually based on location (which like how often does the guy of your dreams live across the street from you? And if he does, why did you need an app to find him?), and app profiles usually have less information on them. I’m going to do a dating app review post eventually but my favorite has always been OKCupid.

Have you ever tried speed dating?

Surprisingly, I have not. It’s funny because people who usually don’t like dating apps will say how meeting by chance in real life is much better. If you’re single and looking to date then speed dating is actually a great idea because you’ll find a decent amount of people who are open to relationships all at the same place. Ironically, I’d imagine speed dating to possibly be more awkward/embarrassing than online dating. But hey, different things work for different people.

What is your go to excuse to run out on a date that’s not going well?

Does anyone actually know someone in real life who had a friend fake an emergency phone call to get out of a horrible date? I’ve only heard of such dramatics in the movies but I do know a true story of a guy who said he was going to the bathroom mid date and then JUST LEFT ! The last excuse I used was saying I had a phone interview and had to get back home for that. (Guess which guy from this post I ended up using that excuse on lol.) Oh and if you want to hear of the craziest excuse a guy used to dump me then you can head over in this direction.

How do you keep your sanity while online dating and not get overly excited when there’s a small connection?   janieleeds

You definitely have to delete the apps and accounts from time to time to keep your sanity. It helps you decompress from all the dating nerves/stress, makes you feel in control of your happiness again, and lifts your spirits out of the hopeless dating pool slump. Also, make sure to have a clear idea of what type of relationship you’re looking for and don’t waste your time on profiles you know aren’t a good match for you.

A weird thing that has happened to me a couple of times is the first date going well and then the second date just being terrible. So I think expectations really make or break a date and it’s definitely tough to get excited for dates only for them to let you down. Most app users keep their excitement in check by talking to multiple people to avoid putting their eggs all in one basket. That’s not a fool proof plan though so other ideas are welcomed.

What’s a misconception about dating apps?

People often think that dating apps suck and you’ll never find an actual relationship on there. And honestly, that’s only really true if you make it true. I do think dating apps attract people who subconsciously self sabotage themselves. You can totally say you’re looking for love but then somehow find something wrong with every guy you meet. You’re digging for excuses because for whatever reason (not over your ex, been lied to and hurt in the past) you’re not really ready to open your heart up again. There are plenty of people that were only on dating apps for a limited time before finding a good match. They knew what they wanted and they didn’t waste their time settling for anything else. There is also a large portion of today’s relationships that started on a dating sites so it really is what you make of your experience.