So you see this outfit in a catalog. It looks absolutely AMAZING! The color exactly how you want it, you know it will fit just right and hug every curve perfectly, and you have the grand event you know you want to wear it to. You will look stunning in this outfit and you will have the most beautiful evening.
You go to the store and see The Outfit! It’s just as gorgeous in person and you MUST try it on! And you can’t believe your luck, it fits just like you imagined! So you purchase the outfit, you wear it to that grand event and the material flows with your every movement. You continue to wear the outfit to different occasions and the material becomes that kind of worn –in comfy. Or sometimes the material wears too thin and you have to throw the outfit out. But at least you had the outfit for some time and learned what you like about certain outfits or why you would never get another one like this.
Enough of that analogy. You get the point, a potential relationship is like the outfit. You get to try on the outfit and see if it fits. If it doesn’t fit then you know why and you know the reality of the outfit isn’t as good as you imagined. With an Ex, you know exactly why that relationship didn’t work out, you know his flaws, and you know your strengths together as a couple. Sure, people can go and try a relationship again but I imagine there’s much less fantasy in your head (That’s actually a lie but work with me here).
If you don’t go on dates to try on the relationship then the potential just stays in your head. You think about how great it COULD fit. You have dates and conversations in your head. You’ve met the friends, you’ve had imaginary fights, and you think “Damn, this could really work out, why doesn’t he see that?” And then you get in real fights about why he won’t pursue a relationship with you. Then you’re back in your head wondering why you’re not good enough that he won’t take that chance.
This is the point when you should leave the store and forget about the outfit because if you just left you would realize there’s about a million other awesome outfits. Or Hell, you’ll realize you look REALLY GOOD naked! But sometimes we obsess over that outfit in our head. That one relationship that never was but could have been and in your head IS.
Most of the time it becomes less about the boy and more about you. What was wrong with YOU that HE wasn’t interested enough? But then you say “He was interested, we talked all the time, he came over after a night out, he would have left long ago if he wasn’t.” The problem is, this is the time when it’s all about him and has nothing to do with you. HE wasn’t ready, HE was still healing, HE needs to work on himself. Now I’m not trying to blame him, or anyone.
No one’s perfect and no one will ever be perfect. There’s probably a reason you’re picking the unavailable guy. The only person you can make love you, is yourself. But it’s much harder to figure that out when you’re still dating someone in your head.
With any relationship- potential, long-living, or resurrected -uncertainty will drive your mind crazy.