How to Make Sure You Won’t get Played

For those out on dating apps there usually comes a question fairly early on that’s “so what are you looking for on here”. It’s a bit tough since you’ve only been chatting a few days and things have been going well enough. You don’t want to say the wrong thing but it’s also dangerous to not be honest.

I always think it’s a bit of a gamble to show my cards first since I have faith in only my ability to be honest even if we end up wanting different things. I’m one of those (perhaps rare) users that is using dating apps to look for a legitimate connection where we both end up deleting the app and getting serious.

In most cases when we end up wanting different things, he has a hard time being direct with me. Instead it’s a “I’m open to where it takes me” or “spending time with someone would be nice”. I’m not sure if he’s trying to trick himself or just me. But eventually he opens up a bit more and says “I’m not really looking for a relationship right now”.

hart really blog

Really, you don’t say…

I’m not mad that he wants something different, I’m frustrated that he couldn’t be more up front about it. I’m mad he tried stringing me along for a little while he was figuring out what he wanted. I’m upset he didn’t respect my needs and instead was hoping I’d change my mind, that I would find him so irresistible that I just had to jump his bones.


In his defense for not being honest right away he might say “but you wouldn’t have given me a chance otherwise”. I’d totally admit that he’s right. I don’t see the point in continuing to talk and getting close if it’s never going to go off line. The thing is, if you’re not looking to put in the effort for a relationship why are you putting in all this extra effort trying to convince me that hanging out with you casually will be “fun and worth it”.

So why don’t we just be honest from the start from now on?









4 thoughts on “How to Make Sure You Won’t get Played”

  1. I really don’t miss the online dating scene. I must have ended up in upward of ten long-term conversations with people that never resulted in meetings. They were always, from what I could gather, waiting for a better option to come along and kind of keeping me waiting in the wings as a backup. I didn’t mind the messaging as it kept me entertained during work; however, it didn’t do much for my confidence when they were always too busy to meet or would cancel a date last second.

    1. Oh man, Im afraid to know how long exactly ‘long term’ is. I had one guy like that and it scarred me so bad. Yeah, one serious downside of online dating is the backup dater. Glad you were able to get out of the online dating scene!

  2. Ugh… this is where I am in my life. I even struggle sometimes with what to say to people that ask ME what I’m “here for”. Internally I’m like “don’t scare him away” but at the same time I’m like “be honest”. Then I think about it and I’m like maybe I am looking for a relationship…but I’m not feeling like I would with this person in particular lol…. it’s a shit show. I hate dating 🙄

    1. hahha you can go for those odd in between answers like ‘want to make a connection’ or ‘ just get to know someone’. And I have a time or two changed my answer to scare a guy away because I didn’t feel it with him in particular. hahah yeah, dating sucks

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