The Dating Curse -Part Two

Months ago I wrote about my dating curse with having relationships end as soon as I deleted my dating apps. I combatted this curse while dating my boyfriend by just deleting the apps after our second date. This way, I couldn’t blame the apps if things didn’t work out.

The second curse I forgot to mention is my 7 week curse. I think all of my dating relationships have a 7 week lifespan. This curse was kind of broken by Mr Romantic but his work schedule would cause him to be away for several weeks at a time and that could have confused the curse, plus we never reached Boyfriend/Girlfriend label.

When I first started dating my current boyfriend and telling my friends about him, I also happened to tell a friend about this curse and how I worried things could be going too well. She laughed at how I was able to make up such a curse and it was finally at that moment I realized

OMG I’M LITERALLY CREATING A PROBLEM OUT OF THIN AIR!!

I didn’t have a dating curse, I have intimacy issues. And in a desperate attempt to save myself from not having to be vulnerable, I made up this curse.

(SPOILER ALERT: I made up the first dating ‘curse’ too)

In my current relationship, we very quickly graduated from casually dating to official Boyfriend/Girlfriend status. This would normally have my intimacy issues in full-blown panic mode, “it’s all moving too fast” “is he positive he actually likes me” “how embarrassing will it be if we ‘break up’ in a month”. I’m a bit of a runner when it comes to relationships so the fact that I wasn’t feeling any of those alarm bells had me thinking that I had beat my intimacy issues!

And then my thoughts started circling this 7 week curse and I realized, No I still have intimacy issues, they’re just wearing a different costume this time. They won’t win this time though because with knowledge comes power. Now that I’m aware of how my intimacy issues are acting this time, I can make a conscious effort to fight them and be the healthier version of me that gets to keep this great guy.

Of course, this is a war against my issues and insecurities, I won’t win every battle so make sure to read next week’s article on how I nearly sabotage my relationship.

 

20 thoughts on “The Dating Curse -Part Two”

  1. Be good to yourself, number 1. Then pray about it. Give to yourself credit and don’t be so hard on yourself, if it works out? Then good for you. But if it doesn’t, then there will be another. But, hopefully it will work out.😍

  2. Glad you found someone! Hoping this goes well for you. I’m a runner too (and I’m fast!), so on behalf of runners everywhere, congrats on not taking off.

  3. It seems like you are starting to be aware of your issues; owning them instead of blaming them. Great step in the right direction! Now just keep going. One step at a time!

  4. Unfortunately, it’s just far too easy to convince yourself there’s some kind of curse when it comes to this kind of thing. I used to do it myself; entirely unaware that I was perhaps causing the problem with my negativity and perhaps pushing them away with it.

    1. Exactly! I mean of course we can’t blame everything on ourselves but we often go the opposite extreme and never take any type of responsibility. It’s actually funny when I came to the realization that I wasn’t cursed haha I was like damn, I played myself again…

      1. It’s easy to blame curses or bad luck for things. Ultimately, though, it’s our own actions that invariably bring about the bad juju. Or the actions of others of course.

  5. omg this reminds me so much of my ex. Coincidentally we lasted about seven weeks too. She kept trying to sabotage things for the same reason. I remember one weekend she was supposed to come over to my place, so the day of I asked her what time she was thinking of getting here. She told me she wasn’t sure if she was going to make it because she was really tired and etc, so I said we could postpone until tomorrow if she wasn’t up to the drive (we’re at least 45-50 minutes apart). Suddenly she twisted things around and was like, “Fine, just forget it. Go do whatever you’re doing with whoever else you made plans with.” What the hell? I had to call her up and talk her down from the ledge, because she was like, “maybe we should go back to being friends. This isn’t fun anymore.” Wtf??? I was like, “Everything was fine until five minutes ago – you’re the one making it not fun!” Classic case of creating problems where there are none.

    That was the beginning of the end for me. From that point on I grew paranoid of everything I was saying and doing, worrying she was going to twist something else around and create more problems and keep trying to sabotage things. But once I have to watch what I say or do, it’s over for me. I can’t be in a relationship when that happens, it just wrecks everything. That’s why I was curious how you were dealing with your trust and intimacy issues with your current bf. After seven weeks things became unmanageable with us, but the next guy she dated lasted way longer than that and I was always puzzled as to how. She may even still be with him, I have no idea (I blocked her on FB months ago to help me move on). Maybe – like you – she became more aware of how her issues were acting and started fighting them too.

    1. Yeah, we, commitment-phones tend to create all types of disasters and roadblocks in our heads. We think we’re protecting ourselves or others but real its just self sabotage.

      I wonder what it is about 7 weeks… do all commitment phones have a 7 week circuit? That would puzzle me too! From my side of things, there’s a few possibilities. With Stubborn, his commitment issues were far worse than mine so my alarm bells never went off because his would distance us first and that kept me coming back to him for a long time. With Mr. Right, I was conscious of my issues and would actively have to fight myself from running off. With my Boyfriend, we just get each other and it never crosses my mind to leave. ( I of course, still have issues to conquer but I always want to solve it within myself or work things out with him). So based on what you knew about her relationship with him you could try to make your own guesses.

      You know what question I really want answered: “Are all your (the general you) exes really crazy or did you make them that way?”

        1. Hahaha you like making them crazy????

          Nah I don’t. Mr. Right also treated me really well and would have been an easy guy to love but maybe I just wasn’t ready at the time? Or more likely I knew we didn’t want the same future and I had to end it sooner rather than later.

          I think I still do my own bit of sabotaging with Boyfriend because it’s hard to change my habits and I suppose I still test him to make sure I won’t get hurt. Luckily, my crazy antics haven’t sent him running yet!

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