A cool girlfriend is low maintenance and no drama. Open minded and flexible in and out of the bedroom. They give their man space, he regularly hangs out with just the guys, and if they end up spending the night flirting with girls at the bar, then that’s cool, no problem with her. A cool girlfriend is also one that can hang with the boys and keep up with the heavy drinking. She’s not the buzz kill monitoring your alcohol intake nor the sober boring one. She doesn’t nag nor mom you.

Being on the dating scene for a long time it was easy to play the cool girl. Hang out with your friends all you want, I didn’t demand attention, I was flexible with plans and activities, and I didn’t nag them to get stuff done. The reason it was so easy to do these things was because I wasn’t emotionally invested. I hadn’t known you long enough to find out your bad habits and nag you to do better. And we we’re officially dating so flirt with whoever you want, if you meet someone you click with better then cool and nice knowing ya.

When I entered my first real relationship with my current boyfriend I still thought I had to be this cool girlfriend otherwise he would lose interest and leave. I tried to let everything roll off my back and never cause any issues. Just a few weeks in we had a situation on our hands and my anxiety and insecurities wouldn’t let me just let it go. I didn’t want to cause drama or be controlling but we needed to talk about my concerns and how we’d handle it. I also never cry in front of people and definitely didn’t want to seem like a sensitive basketcase to my boyfriend. Although that didn’t happen for a couple of months, it eventually did.

I don’t think I’m especially unreasonable but it’s normal for issues to pop up in relationships and some stress and drama do come up at those times. I’d like to think I’m still flexible with plans since my boyfriend seems to thrive on spontaneous adventures. But I also speak my mind now if there’s something I don’t want to do. I like that he maintains his indepence and how I have activities and friends I hang out with on my own.

But I do appreciate his upfront honesty if there was an especially flirty girl. I’ve grown more secure in our relationship and he’s definitely gained my trust so that I’m confident in his actions. I also now show my vulnerability and quirky side with the growing comfort.  I try not to mom him too much, I want to be his girlfriend not his secondary mother. But I do show I care by making sure he wears the right jacket for the weather and trying to make sure he doesn’t stay up too late and become exhausted at work.

I’m not the cool girlfriend, I care too much and it’s just not my style. I see my future with him and I want us to both strive to be our best selves.