The satisfaction of finally understanding why it didn’t work out with the other guys

It’s usually called a childhood crush because it’s at some point during your childhood you have this crush but mine was my ENTIRE childhood. I became acquainted with unrequited love at a young age. I was smart, funny, and could play sports with the boys – what’s not to like about 10 year old me? I was a good friend, a great listener, and I really made an effort to spend time together but a good friend was all I got to be.

 

No matter what I did, he just wasn’t interested in more. It really stunts the growth of a developing self esteem. Like a rubik’s cube, I wanted to see what I could change until it finally clicked for him. The thing is, at that young age you have no idea who you are and who you want to be.

  

My high school crush was more of the same unrequited love. After Freshmen year we didn’t really have classes together and we weren’t in the same circle to begin with. Looking back on years of embarrassing attempts at gaining his attention, I can only hope he doesn’t actually remember me. Or at least the me I was back then because I’m not who I was back then and of course, neither is he. Seeing more of who he is now, I wonder just how much about him was all made up in my head back then.

 

Post college was Mr right. This time, someone who liked me back and wanted to get to know me. Unfortunately, as we got to know each other, we realized we weren’t on the same page about important topics. And that’s what it comes down to with all my other crushes as well. We want very different things out of life.  

 

The boys I knew have now been replaced as young adults I don’t really know. They’re different from who they were 10 years ago, as am I. Now I can clearly see just how different we are and the paths we are taking. It never would have worked out back then because the places we are now in our lives are so far apart from each other. Values, relationships, politics, future families, careers, and lifestyle choices just did not line up in enough boxes. You can fill in your own boxes with you and your ex’s choices and maybe you’ll also feel some relieving clarity of why some relationships just didn’t work out.

 

14 thoughts on “The satisfaction of finally understanding why it didn’t work out with the other guys”

  1. This is definitely a good view of looking back. Frankly it can be amazing to see how far you have come yourself as your own person. I look back at how things were, girls I pined over, and how I was. Frankly I realize that I am still evolving as a person even now, and finding someone who can evolve with you is one of life’s hardest mysteries. Be good to yourself, and that which follows is what should be.

  2. We do often grow in different ways… it is a matter of finding someone who can connect with you and your dreams even if they are not the same as his. Easier said than done though!

  3. Sure. Your 30 year old self is not the same as your 20 and your 10 – year old yous. It might be that you didn’t work out because you were different. Or maybe you are different because you didn’t work out?

  4. One day you wake up and suddenly the perfect soulmate for you is in your life. You weren’t looking for that person. They weren’t looking for you. But life brings you together when you’re both ready for each other. Until then, rest, relax, and enjoy life.

  5. Silly hindsight, why can’t it let us know these things sooner? >.< What a well done piece!! I had an unrequited love through high school, too, thanks to our last names being so alphabetically aligned (we sat in alphabetical order, like so many misbehaving books). Though my ongoing orthodontia–and the gender thing, alas–was an unscalable wall, my obvious attentions only encouraged her to keep me dangling on the end of my own rope for 4 years, watching her date all those guys-with-cars. The heart can be a vexing life companion.

    1. We’re all terrible at dating in high school, choosing the wrong people and disregarding the feelings of those pining after us

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