It’s October so obviously I have to talk about ghosting at some point this Halloween season!
In 2017 I wrote about instances where it actually might be better to ghost. Here we are two years later and I’m still thinking ghosting has its benefits.
The thing is, we’re so used to ghosting now that we don’t even really know how to handle Not being ghosted by someone. Actually having direct communication with a date now seems confrontational. Ghosting is easy, it’s non confrontational, and it’s the cowards way. With this in mind, anything else is then seen as aggressive.
In all honesty, many of us are too immature to handle an honest conversation in a reasonable manner. If you ghost someone you don’t have to hurt their feelings with rejection. When someone tells you they’re not interested in you, it’s hard to not take it personally. It’s easy to become defensive when you feel rejected or attacked.
At least when you were ghosted, you could tell yourself whatever story you wanted to about that person and why they suddenly dropped off. Even when you’re not interested in someone, it’s annoying to hear that person say they’re not interested in you either.
When you tell someone directly that you’re not interested it usually ends up being some cliche of “Great meeting you but I don’t see us working out. Best of luck though”. Cliche break up lines tend to rub people the wrong way because they sound so well -rehearsed and fake. It’s stiff and distant, often making the receiving party feel uncomfortable.
If you’ve been in the dating game for a long time you’ve probably had loads of first dates. It can really become emotionally taxing to have this same conversation with every single suitor. You never really know how each individual will handle confrontation and rejection like that so it’s an emotion risk every time.
Maybe if we all ghosted less then having the ‘it just isn’t going to work’ conversation wouldn’t seem so aggressive and could be handled more amiably. But until then, being honest is an aggressive gamble.