Most Memorable Dates in my Dating Career

I’ve been on a lot of first dates and honestly after a while they tend to all blend together. But there are some that stand out even 4-5 years later! I don’t really know why some of these stick out to me, tell me some of your best/worst dates in the comments!

 

1.The Guy who Lied:

I was once on a date with a guy, we’d gone out a few times before. We went rock climbing and he asked me to grab his phone for pictures. As I got it, there was a message from a girl on his screen. I thought nothing of it, it could have been just a friend, we’d only been out a few times so it’s not like we were exclusive, and I never saw what the message said. He freaked out over it though, assured me it was nothing at the time. Assured me again later that night and even had his friend text me to help him cover his tracks. That’s what I thought was suspicious.

His desperate attempts did the exact opposite of what he had hoped. But again, we weren’t exclusive, I didn’t think it was a big deal. Later on he asked for us to be exclusive and then cheated but that’s another story.

 

2. The Guy I was Rude to:

I went to dinner with this guy and he was nice but I knew we didn’t have a future. The restaurant happened to be very close to my house and it was decided we’d walk my dog around the neighborhood before the night ended. (Sidenote: he came inside and met my dad which was awkward and then he let my dog escape which was also a hassle lol)

So we were walking my dog and I decided to get to the bottom of his dating hang ups so I could help him with dating other girls. We mostly talked about his exes and he felt weird about it because that’s not what you do when you’re trying to date someone new. I felt terrible as I realized we weren’t on the same page as I had thought the date ended when we left the restaurant. I was giving him pointers/criticism and digging into his past when he was just a nice guy trying to find a partner. I never got the opportunity to truly apologize and I thought about it for years.

 

3. The Date I Didn’t Want to Go on:

I’ve talked about this guy before but we’ll do it again here. I knew from texting him that we would not be a match and there was no reason for us to meet. I had been on a lot of dates and I was tired of it. He was insulted and called me judgmental and I was somewhat cornered into a date. We went on the date and I was dead on about him; it was not a match. It probably seems like I already had my mind made up, which might be the case but honestly, it’s because I made the right decision in the first place!

 

4. The Creepy Guy:

I don’t know how I ended up going to get coffee with this guy because after the first few minutes I knew he was terribly creepy and I could not wait to get away from him. Unfortunately, nearly every girl on a dating app will eventually have her turn being sketched out by a guy. I don’t even remember what we talked about but I knew in the car after I was so creeped out and anxious from it. I still think about it when I drive by that Starbucks even though so many of the memories are hazy now.

 

5. The Guy who Wanted Me to be his Brain:

I had been on a lot of first dates when I finally found a guy I liked enough to go on a second! I was really into him until we started watching a movie. He constantly asked questions about what words meant and what was going on with the plot. First off, you can use context clues for defining words and secondly, I’m watching the movie for the first time like you are, I don’t know what the plot is going to be! The endless questions were a huge turn off and used up all my patience. I needed someone who could keep up and I was out the door with the end of the movie.

 

April Playlist – Crush

 

1.Something to Talk About (1991)

Bonnie Riatt sings of a friends to lovers storyline as the town begins to suspect romance brewing among these friends. These rumors have Bonnie evaluating her friendship and realizing she has caught feelings for her friend!

 

2.Losing Control (2015)  

Russ’s song is about a girl catching feelings but worried she’ll only get her heart broken again. She’s trying to fight these feelings but he keeps treating her well, giving her all of his trust, and showing her what a good love can feel like. 

 

3.Yellow Hearts (2019)

Ant Saunders admires and has growing feelings for a friend but he’s worried he’s reading too far into her responses. She sends yellow heart emojis but he’s not sure if that means she likes him too. Is she playing games? Is she just a sweet girl? Saunders is trying to define the relationship, if there even is one.

 

4.Open (2013)

Rhye already knows he’s falling deeper into what might have started as a casual relationship. He wants to make this relationship into something more and he’s begging her to stay, to fall with him. He’s hoping she can give this a real chance. 

 

5.Falling (2018

Trevor daniel has been hurt before but he finally met someone that has given him hope for love again. He needs that validation from her that she’s feeling the same way about him. She’s all he thinks about and he wants to spend all of his time with her. He’s ready to give her all of his love as long as she is ready to treat him right.

 

6. Falling in Love (2016)

Dennis Kruissen’s song starts with your head in the clouds, feeling dreamy and intoxicated. Love finally happens when you least expect it and you’re praying you get to call somebody your house. He hopes he’s not alone as he’s falling in love.

How to stop from getting in a relationship rut Part 1

Let’s face it, things slip from time to time. You get stressed and he gets busy and the relationship falls down the list. So how can you fix it?

 

Special date night

Any time you read an article like this, a scheduled date night always makes the list so let’s get it out of the way now. In the beginning of the relationship, dates were always planned, effort was always put into the outfit and location, and there was plenty of days between seeing each other. As a relationship progresses you see more and more of each other – the real each other that isn’t always dressed up and excited about a social night out. 

You may see each other everyday, dinner isn’t cooked by a professional chef, and a night in front of the TV in your sweats sounds like the perfect night. A comfort forms and less effort is put in to showing how you feeling. Here is where you have to learn to recreate that effort. Try something new like a cooking or painting class and you may learn a new talent your parent has and even laugh along the way. Dress up and enjoy a candlelight dinner to light a slow burn on romance. Or if you want to be budget friendly, bring some sandwiches to the beach to watch the sunset and walk the boardwalk. Maybe plan a surprise date that your significant other could really enjoy.

There are plenty of options for date night so try to not instantly shut down the idea. If we’re honest, date night might have to be a habit you work to form. Life gets busy and you just want to numb your stressed out brain with some wine and TV. But date night can be a stress reliever and can turn into a slice of relaxation you start to look forward to each week.  

 

Communicate 

The biggest thing is you don’t know what your partner is thinking! And they can’t read your mind either! You may feel like the relationship is getting into a rut and they might not even know its a concern, so you have to communicate to them the uneasiness you’re feeling. Or with all this time spent together, your partner is irritated with some habits you have, but they haven’t told you what’s wrong and instead just push away, letting the relationship fall down. 

Pick your battles but know that when things start to pile up it’s time to unload. Staying open with your partner can stop an ant hill from ever turning into a mountain otherwise you’ll find yourself in this valley between those two mountains. It’s good to check in with your partner regularly to make sure you two are always on the same page  

 

Just make out

It might seem like a faint memory now but in the beginning there was newness to this relationship and excitement of learning a new person. You might even remember that first kiss you shared. Sometimes there can feel like this pressure that a kiss is always going to lead to more, and you might not be in the mood for more. Both of you can make a point to just make out and let the excitement build again. Taking the pressure off can get you in the mood for all types of romances.  

 

Documentary Recommendation Recap!

I just wanted to recap all the documentary recommendation articles in case you missed any! I think the ones listed below are the most interesting documentaries of each series but you should definitely click on series 5 because there were many many good documentaries in the crime category!

 

Series 1 Fraud & Cover Ups

The Devil We Know (Netflix) – Would Recommend

Devil dives into DuPont’s responsibility in the health risks of their teflon products. The doc touches on specific people affected and their stories as well as widening the scope to see how far it’s deadly consequences have reached. It’s terrifying and tragic how harmful and deadly telfon is and how companies like DuPont would rather death over profit loss.

 

Series 2 Abductions & Abuse

Behind Closed Doors (Netflix) – Would Recommend

Behind Closed Doors is a british film following the story of 3 women fighting domestic violence. It is incredible interesting to see all the complicated emotions that they go through and just how deep these wounds go. From an outside perspective, domestic abuse seems so straightforward – if they hit you, you leave. But love is irrational and there is no reasoning with that primitive emotion. These women are all incredibly strong for fighting these men through the court system and for battling with their own complex feelings daily.

 

Series 3 Documentaries to Skip

Children of God (Netflix) – Would Not Recommend

This documentary follows the memories of a family that lived in a Cult for many years. The first interesting thing about this cult was that the leader wasn’t with the rest of the cult, he just sent letters from a secret location. It’s interesting that the leader had such a presence without even being present. It focused heavily on child abuse and sexual abuse with interviews from the one family that has since left the cult. The cult even featured promotional videos that were essentially children undressing to song.

The other focus was on the sexual activities the wives were essentially forced to do such as sleeping with other husbands and members of the cult as well as sleeping with men in the outside community in order to entice them to join the cult (flirty fishing). It’s a sad documentary as the grown children recount their stories of sexual harassment and rape and dealing with the complicated resentment they have with their mother for putting them in such an environment. It’s disturbing and heartbreaking, and not at the top of my list of recommendations.

 

Series 4 Animals

Dogs (series – Netflix) – Would Not Recommend

There are 6 episodes in this docuseries following a different dog(s) in each episode. I only watched the first two and the fifth episode because those stories seemed most interesting to me. The first was a young teen girl still struggling through getting a hold on her epilepsy. She will be receiving a service dog who will help to recognize when she’s about to go into a seizure and help bring her out of it. You learn a bit more about service dogs, different jobs they can do, and the initial training they have with their new owner. The episode unfortunately ends shortly after the dog goes home with the family so you don’t know exactly how it all turns out.

The second episode is a dog named Zeus who is stuck in Syria while his owner was able to escape on a work visa to Germany (or somewhere). Zeus has been staying with a friend who is also in hiding and it’s not safe for any of them in that warzone. Zeus traveling through borders by car and plane. There are a few hurdles along the way and you’re not sure if Zeus will be reunited with his owner. Everyone loves Zeus and you feel for the friends that are now losing that piece of light in that terrifying war.

The fifth episode is about Territorio De Zaguates in Costa Rico. It’s very possible you’ve heard about it as it’s a bit of a tourist attraction that you can run with hundreds of dogs on the multi acre shelter. This shelter never turns away a dog and it warms your heart to see them get taken off the streets. As the episode unfolds though, you being to question if they’re taking on more dogs than they can handle. Food, money, water, shelter, staff, and vet visits is a lot for any shelter to take on but at this size you wonder if more is always better.

 

Series 5 Crime

I am Innocent (series – Netflix) Would Recommend

This New Zealand crime docuseries is 6 episodes following 6 different cases ranging from murders, juvenile criminals, and family cases. Based on the title you can assume that all criminals telling their story are innocent and have been wrongly convicted. You find out the details of the crime, where things went wrong, and how things were later resolved for the unjustly convicted criminals. After each episode I wanted to go tell my friends and family about this insane, unjust, and true story.

Why friends are the best at judging boyfriends

Over two years ago I wrote an article about friends judging you when they judge your boyfriend and reading that article again now, I still agree with it as a whole. But now I’m writing the other side of that coin.

Your friends absolutely love you. They see you as a bright, caring, and supportive friend. They can recall all the times you helped them out in a tough situation and all the laughs you’ve shared together to survive school drama.

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They see you as your boyfriend should see you and that is why they are the best at judging if someone is right for you. They know how lucky your boyfriend is to have you and they want to make sure he knows it too. He couldn’t find a better girlfriend if he tried and they’ll make sure he doesn’t take that for granted.

They’re protective of you because they know your dating history and they don’t want to see you hurt again. They’ve seen you get dragged down by fixer uppers and they know you’ll put up with more than you should because you fear being lonely. They also know you haven’t had that good guy to show you how good a relationship should be. They want you to find that good guy. They want this boyfriend of yours to be that guy.

 

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But your friends are also not caught up in all the mushy emotions that fog up your decision making. They won’t let a guy string you along just because he’s hot. This outside perspective is able to judge character well. Your friends know what’s best for you and want you to have it.

They want to support you and they want to have a good relationship with your boyfriend so that you’re never left picking sides. But they also want you to be happy and receiving the love you deserve. If those two aren’t lining up though, they’ll hopefully speak up so that you don’t get hurt. And hopefully, you’ll listen.

 

 

Poetry Beta Readers Wanted!

Hi Everyone!,

I have ‘completed’ my next poetry collection!! (Happy dance!!) Something I didn’t do with my first collection was consult with beta readers! I was quite embarrassed when weeks or months after my launch I was still finding some glaring grammar/ spelling errors.

Beta readers are such an important and useful tool for authors, especially self publishing authors who don’t have editors or a company press looking after their work. Authors are so deep into their writing that they can miss some key concerns. We need fresh eyes and a new perspective to help us see the light.

Some key things to know about my collection before becoming a beta readers:

  • There are about 100 poems.
  • Key themes: Jealousy, insecurity, depression, death, and strength. I understand these are sensitive topics that could be triggering for some so use your best judgment.
  • I’m hoping to have all the feedback I need by the end of February.
  • Don’t worry if you don’t have an previous experience, neither do I!

 

If you are interested please email me and I’ll send over the pdf along with some questions where I’m looking to gain some insight, Thank you!

 

 

 

Tips for Writing Poetry

Writing Poetry is a creative and expressive way to let out your emotions and thoughts. The most important thing is that you enjoy writing it and it aids to make you happier and  healthier. But if you’re looking for some tips to improve your writing process then let’s start here!

 

Use Your Own Words

Any time you see a common phrase or idiom in your poem (i.ei: “easier said than done”, “when pigs fly”, etc) You’ll want to rewrite it in a new way, in your way. Although, these phrases are familiar to your reader, they’re not very original and they’re not adding any new excitement for the reader. Metaphors are a great tool for poets, just make sure you’re being as authentic and original as possible.

In my Poem Ocean Blues & You, I take the common ‘keep at arm’s length’ phrase and put an original spin on it

“Yet still, we keep each other at an oar’s length distance,

afraid that our pasts will crash against our lifeboats once more.”

 

Show Don’t Tell

You don’t want to just write “I am sad” “She is in love”. You want to show it through descriptions and having your reader use their five senses. Poetry is an vulnerable and emotional art form that shows through imagery and honest declarations.

When the Salmon Rots is a poem that uses all 5 of the reader’s senses.

Hearing: The ebbs and flows of laughter from backyard parties crash on my ears like      ocean water beating against the rocks.

Touch: that smoky haze would cover you better than a fur blanket.

I still have these bug bite memories itching all over the skin of my heart

Sight: It was hard to tell the difference between the fading flickers of a hot, red amber from a fire versus his taillights fading down the road.

Taste: because a man who can taste the honey on my lips

Smell: Because honey soothes all bug bites and coats over foul salmon memories.

Try New Things

Challenge yourself to try new things – descriptions, different senses, a strict form. I always hated learning a new form in poetry class but those were always my favorites because of the skill level needed to complete one. You may then want to try something you learned in another freestyle poem or formatted one. Explore new themes, perspectives, and point of views and you may find an unexpected strength in your writing.

My poem War Cry is in the strict form of a pantoum. Pantoums require lines to be repeated in a specific order. When I was learning the form it didn’t really make sense until I saw examples so check out my poem and you’ll see that each line is repeated only twice and must be a specific order in the next stanza.

The other form I ended up really enjoying was the abecedarian. The form requires each line to begin with the next letter of the alphabet.  This is from No One Cries for the Sinners.

Arizona is the place for a funeral, if there ever could be such a place

because believe me when I say, Life

can’t take root in dry soil. No Botanist or Investigator

dares to try and stop her. She is contacted by the weak, the helpless, the hopeless,

 

Learn

Gets your hands on all the poems you can to assist in your research. You’ll notice different styles and techniques that will help you define your own style as you learn what appeals to you. It’s also beneficial to read your own work after some times has passed. You’ll see where your writing has developed, where you can improve, and where you want to make edits. I reviewed some of my old work in order to show examples for this article and found I use more cliches than I thought. Now I’m more aware for my future writings.   

 

Advice Column – this Friday!

My monthly advice column series is coming to an end this Friday!! I’ve loved answering everyone’s questions over the past year and I hope anyone in a similar situation that got to see these articles felt they were helpful as well! The first week of January I’ll be telling you all about my 2019 series!!

 

Make sure to catch December’s issue!!!

She doesn’t want to meet up November Advice Column

Dear DD,

I met this awesome girl on a dating app, we talk everyday nearly all day. Problem is, whenever I bring up meeting in person she always has something else going on. It’s been three weeks already and I’m afraid to ask her again if she’s willing to go on a date with me.

Sincerely,

Stuck online

 

Dear Stuck online,

I think 3 weeks is definitely on the stretch of waiting too long to meet up. The answer is Yes, move on. Sadly, this girl isn’t interested in you enough to meet up

 

Reasons she might not want to meet up:

She’s just not into you

She likes the attention and is stringing you along

She’s hung up on her ex / they’re back and forth on trying to work things out

She’s starting seeing someone else and is waiting to see if they’ll be exclusive soon

 

Whatever the reason, things aren’t going to work out and you might want some pointers on

How to Move on:

 

Get a Definite Answer

Unfortunately you have to suffer a little pain to get through it. You need a direct answer from her that she is not interested and you guys will not meet. If this doesn’t happen then you will always wonder if now is a better time for her. You need to be able to some fantasizing about a relationship you could have had. She needs to stop that in its tracks with a solid NO.

 

Make sure you’re not exclusively talking to her.

You need to take your mind off her and also unload all your eggs from her basket. Invest some effort into a few girls so you’re not so heartbroken when one doesn’t work out. One girl will make you realize how easy it is to start dating someone when they’re truly into you.

 

Refocus on work, a hobby, working out.

You need to untangle a bit from the online world and realize your value outside of relationships. Focus on you and bringing things back into your life that you enjoy. A happier you is a more attractive you! Your friends will be happy to see you off your phone and laughing with them.

 

The Things I’ll do Differently when Promoting my Second Poetry Collection

I am thrilled to have a published poetry book out there! My own self doubt has gotten in the way of my creative passions for too long so I have no regrets to reach for my dreams. I was, of course, so eager to publish and not lose my confidence that I didn’t utilize every opportunity I had. Here are areas for improvement:

 

Growing my audience

My biggest mistake was switching to self hosting so close to my release date. I didn’t realize my viewership numbers would fall so drastically and that really affected the audience I could reach for my book launch. I should have waited until my numbers grew again instead of rushing right along. I’ve set goals for growing my blog followers as well as social media that I have to reach before releasing my next book.

 

Establishing a Fan Base

I have also set goals for my current collection that I want to meet before my sophomore collection. I understand the ease of pushing a follow button or liking a tweet, but that does not easily convert to the number of sales. By the fourth month after I published Cracked Open, I didn’t have a single sale. I don’t want that to be the case for this next book.

 

Creating Buzz/ Chatter

I started promoting my book and creating buzz a month before it’s release. Although i don’t think I need to push to more weeks, I was unaware of the role of ARC (Advance Reader Copies) that could be sent to reviewers/fans before a launch. With the support of their audience, I’ve grown my reach immensely. There is a lot of research to how influential reviews are for potential buyers and any author/poet/business person is a fool to not capitalize on it.

 

Try Various Channels for Marketing

Social Media is easy and free to promote your work but as I’ve mentioned likes and follows don’t translate into book sales. Don’t hesitate to try flyers or leaving business cards wherever you travel and visit. Many bloggers are familiar with email campaigns and even capitalize on blogger events to connect and network.