DD’s 2017 Highlights

As 2017 comes to a close I thought I might bring back some posts through the year in case you missed them or they were so good you wanted to read them again 😉

Articles Top 10:

When to Say No

Loving Love

When is it Time to take a Break from Dating?

Don’t Worry You’re Not as Desperate as You Think (or What I’m Choosing to Believe)

If He Acts like He’s Not into You

To Ghost or Not to Ghost (Dating Honesty)

I Finally Got a Boyfriend!

The Dating Curse -Part Two

Is Online Dating Embarrassing?

Signs He Really Likes You

Poems Top 10:

Hear No Evil, See No Evil, Speak No Evil

Love the Artist not the Art

It’s All Wrong

A Good Partner

I Outgrew You

Love You, Love Me Not

The Woman who Still Stands

The Feel of You

You’re What I Need

Romance (A list of things you’ve done)

 

Modern Online Dating Etiquette

Times have definitely changed when it comes to dating and it’s time these dating rules get an update. No more waiting three days to call nor footing every bill to the male. We’re strong, independent women who no longer need a man…still we want him.

In a previous post, I briefly mentioned this guy who would talk about his other dates on our dates. That’s rule number 1, when using dating apps we all know you’re in different stages of talking and dating multiple people. You’re doing it, I’m doing it, he’s doing it, the trick is to not be the jerk who talks about it. You don’t impress me by telling me about the obsessive girl texting you during our date and I definitely don’t care about the girl you saw last night when I was busy. Instead, I’ll think you’re more interested in those girls or maybe just a guy who’s so starved for attention he needs it from multiple girls.

But with everyone going on multiple dates, you need to make an impression and establish a connection quicker. In the past you might keep the conversation light so you don’t rock the boat too early, but now we tend to dive into important topics within the first couple of dates. There are so many profiles and options with online dating, you need to know if this person is a good match for you ASAP so you don’t waste your time and miss out on a better fish.

Before the age of texting, suitors used to wait three days to call, I guess in order to not seem too desperate? Now you can text the same night the date ends or the next day, saying how you enjoyed yourself, thanking them for a fun evening, and hoping to see them again. It’s no longer seen as desperate, in fact if you wait longer than the next day they’re more likely to think you’re not interested and probably move on.

I wrote about when the right time for a first kiss is but with the way modern dating is going now, people are doing a lot more than just kissing on the first date. Some people are just looking for something casual and there are plenty of long-term couples that say they started out just hooking up so there’s really no rule now on how soon is too soon. As long as you’re both being honest about what you’re looking for, then go all the way on the first day and have fun!

The etiquette of a man always paying for dates started long ago when it made much more sense in society. Society has been changing though with more women in the workforce and the wage gap closing in. The bill doesn’t always have to fall on the man now, plenty of couples go dutch or figure out other ways to share equal weight of the finances.

Let me know of some more modern dating rules you follow in the comments!

 

The Woman who Still Stands

I will not apologize for who I am

My sharp edges

My brutal honesty

My trust issues that push you away

I am not the same girl I once was

Abandonment has sanded me down

Hurt and disappointment have molded me

Through the vulnerable flames she has emerged

Weathered through every storm

She is what survived

She is the reason I’m alive

And for that I will never apologize.

-Aug 2017

How to Become Heartless

She’s as beautiful as marble now

and just as cold.

She used to be soft and fragile

giving out pieces of her heart

to anyone who needed it more than she.

They were starving with greed

and she was just so sweet.

She never got any love back

just broken promises and busted lips.

I think she knew what she was doing when she gave that last piece away.

She wanted to stop the hurting

and become as strong as stone.

Her bleeding heart no longer beats

and she’ll cut you down if you ever mourn

that innocent girl she used to be.

-June 2017

Back When

But the light hazes in this boundless bedroom

and all I see is clingy, itchy ivy

entrapping my wrist like regret imprisons my thoughts.

I can’t take back this one night but still

I pinch my eyes closed again

back to the darkness.

 

Back when a dark haired man seemed

like a good idea. Back when

I felt brave and confident

to go up to a man and take

what I desired.

No One Cries for the Sinners (An Abecedarian)

Arizona is the place for a funeral, if there ever could be such a place

because believe me when I say, Life

can’t take root in dry soil. No Botanist or Investigator

dares to try and stop her. She is contacted by the weak, the helpless, the hopeless,

each in dying need of her services. I think of her often today, while at my husband’s

funeral. She was careful; killing him slower than the fading pale

green bruises on my God- given body. If I was religious, any God of mine would be in

Hell right along with the criminals and devils she sends there. Hotter there than the

injected poison that inflames their bodies. Hotter than Arizona. Is it

Justice for the lives these men have already stolen? Depends on whom you ask.

 

Killers like Penelope are hard to find unless they want to be found. She never

lets people in too close, only the wicked

moths, like my abusive drunk husband, deserving of her fiery temper. She collects

newspaper clippings like coin collectors treasure Civil War nickels.

Obituaries like trophies line her walls. It was my life or his. I choose mine.

Proudly, I’d do it again. My body wasn’t his property to use or abuse as he wished.

 

Queen of murder, Penelope alone carries the weight of death and demons

rotting inside her. She straddles a line between serial killer and

superhero. Or are they just different sides of the same coin? I could not be more

thankful that she slayed the dragon that I couldn’t save my kids from. It’s not easily

understood, I know. Only those who survived a certain kind of darkness will.

 

Vigilantes like Penelope are clever, venomous, calculating, beautiful,

worst of all, deadly. A cold- blooded killer living in the dry grass,

xeric climate. A climate like fucking Arizona.

You won’t find life taking root, no tears to water its growth. It’s dead space, ground

zero for the ghosts and hellish creatures like Penelope and the sinners she kills.

 

-November 2015

 

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Do You Date the Guy You Know You Won’t Marry?

If you’re in a crunch and don’t have time to read, the short answer is No.

 

I mean yes, sure you could date him as long as you both know the deal: that it will eventually end so that you can each marry someone else (if you happen to choose that marriage is for you).

But that leads to a lot of IFs:

IF you catch hard feelings then it will be much harder to let things end later down the road.

IF you (or him) are counting on you changing your mind about your deal breakers.

Or you’re hoping he’ll change his mind, which is also a big IF.

I’m sure there are plenty of stories you might hear about loving someone so much that the deal breakers don’t matter or they just find a way to make it work. Those stories are definitely real and definitely happen. But even those relationships take a lot of hard work, communication, and compromising. And let’s face the facts, those are rare relationships and most of us aren’t that lucky.

If you don’t think you’re going to marry him, then you probably aren’t going to marry him. You can continue to date him, trying to convince yourself that you can make it work long term. You might succeed, you probably won’t. I might sound a bit too harsh but I’ve been here before. I’ve been the one looking for an answer that will make me love the guy I don’t truly love. Yes, I care for him, yes we have good conversation or good sex (fill in here whatever it is that makes you want to keep dating him), and yes he’s good for me. But if I really, really loved him, I probably wouldn’t have been on the Internet looking for answers. And you wouldn’t either.

Now if you also answered yes for when I said he was good for me, then I’m going to assume you and I have a lot in common. You probably tend to date assholes (the Cheater, the Liar, the One who Couldn’t Commit – I’m sure you know at least one of them), undervalue yourself, and jump from guy to guy looking for that real love.

Well, Honey the good news is you’ve come along way if you’re now able to recognize a guy who is actually good for you, respects you, and supports you. This guy might not be The One and you probably still have some work to do for yourself but I’m confident the right one will come along when you’re ready. Until then, live your life, continue to date that guy or don’t, order that 5th margarita or don’t, sleep in on the weekend or don’t. Just try your best to judge yourself less for the past and honor yourself more for the future.

You have a lot of love to give, and any guy of your past or future is lucky to experience that love, but it’s time you gave that love to yourself.

War Cry (A Pantoum)

Don’t open my door if you aren’t going to close it when you leave

Are you listening to me?

I deserve respect no matter my size or shape, just like everyone else

I am not some object to conquer or kill

 

Are you listening to me?

The Taliban cannot just board my dusty school bus and fire three shots at me

I am not some object to conquer or kill

You, with your rough whiskers, must face the consequences of what you take

 

The Taliban cannot just board my dusty school bus and fire three shots at me

You are right to fear that I may know too much, that education is serving me right

You, with your rough whiskers, must face the consequences of what you take

I am learning that a woman is worth more than just how much she can please a man

 

You are right to fear that I may know too much, that education is serving me right

Do your worst, I will still be standing against you at the end of each day

I am learning that a woman is worth more than just how much she can please a man

My name is Malala, your bullets will not silence me

 

Do your worst, I will still be standing against you at the end of each day

I deserve respect no matter my size or shape, just like everyone else

My name is Malala, your bullets will not silence me

You cannot just close this door after you open it

 

-October 2015

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