Wedding Day

Your snoring lulls me to sleep after a hard day

cradling me sweetly in the night.

And your immovable love gives me strength 

like a constant steady flow of a river to my heart.

 

Your laughter breaths life back into me, babe

Fills my lungs so full, I think my feet might leave the ground.

Your tender love wraps around me like armor.

There’s nothing I can’t do with you next to me.

 

You’re such an important part of me

Your love is in the air I breath.

It radiates off the skin I touch.

I feel your love in every kiss

Every touch

Every word.

And I hear it today in, “I do”.

 

-August 22, 2020

How can I trust myself to pick the right guy?

Over the past 5 years, I’ve been on tons of first dates. More than any person would ever want to, I’m sure. I kept going on first dates though because I was ‘picky’. I needed a palpable connection and a list of criteria to be met. It was meaningless first date after first date when I finally met my long term boyfriend.

Finally, someone I just connected with. The beginning was easy, I felt alive, and he was good to me. I finally picked the right one! Even his mom was excited about our future!

But time passed and he stopped treating me right and eventually he became my ex. I should have left a lot earlier than I did and now it’s hard to trust myself. 

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I’m really picky and I still didn’t pick the right guy. How can I trust myself now?

 

I’m wondering if I should go about picking partners differently now since clearly, I’ve been getting it wrong all these years. I don’t think I’m too picky honestly, but however I am picking must not be working. Do I need to stop putting so much weight on that feeling of connection?

Maybe with the information I knew at the time, I was picking right? And eventually as time goes on, someone who was right for you can stop being right for your future.

We all know love has a way of blinding us so maybe I need friends and family to pick the right match for me. People who know and love me and have my best interests at heart. But we probably all know someone we would have picked differently for and who’s to say that they made the wrong choice?

Maybe with the new lessons I learned from my dating experience, I will pick the right one next time and I can trust myself. I can trust myself by being self aware. By knowing I’m a hopeless romantic and where my weak spots are. By listening to red flags when I first see them and by understanding the type of men I gravitate towards.

 

The Last Time I Saw You

You say you’ll have to remember 

what I like for next time.

But there never was a next time.

It was a last time

And I wish I held on a little bit longer

I wish I could still remember 

the feel of your skin

and the sound of your voice. 

And I wish I didn’t have to remember at all. 

 

Favorites Recap

Quarterly favorites review, June Issue!

 

Favorite show: I’ve been watching The Guardian on Hulu which originally ran from 2001 to 2004. It’s about a corporate lawyer that ends up having to perform community serve at a children’s legal services office. I’m just finishing season 1 now and it’s been good!  

 

Favorite tweet: My Twitter page

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Favorite blog post: Where I Ache is officially released!!! Get your copy here!!

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Favorite phase /word to say: “what is happening “ Brooklyn 99, love this show!

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Favorite thing you did: My sister’s wedding!!!!

 

Favorite artist: I’ve been loving Morgan Wallen’s Whiskey Glasses

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Favorite Poem: My Best Friend here, another oldie but goodie.