Q&A 3k follower Celebration!

Everytime I talk about stat numbers I’ll always bring up the absolute lack of faith I had in my blog when I first started. It is absolutely astonishing to be able to say I’ve made it to 3,000+ followers on here and I can’t thank you all enough for this support!

 

1.I’ve been following your blog for a bit and I notice that you are very interactive with your readers, what is the most important take-away for you from that connection? Susi

I want people to connect to my work and with all those that relate to it as well. I always want to connect people to each other. My takeaway is the validation that my work is relatable to a wide audience. I want people to feel a sense of themselves in my work and feel less alone. I’m thrilled every time I receive a comment that supports that.

 

2.Has your blog changed you in anyway?

My blog definitely made me confident enough to publish my first collection; If not for my blog, I would maybe have published in my 50s. It’s hard to explain how happy I am that I am now publishing my second collection by the time I’m 25. It’s absolutely changed my writing career and I’m excited to show you my future projects as they develop more!

 

3.If you could learn a new skill, what would it be?

I’m actually working on learning sign language with my boyfriend! It’s a slow process but whenever one of us is bored, we’ll look up some words or phrases and then teach the other person what we learned.

 

4.In your new book, Where I Ache, do the contents reveal how pain motivates or how pain feels? Or something else? – Susi

I would say the majority of the book is how pain feels in regards to depression, insecurity, and grief. But the last chapter is all self love and growth from that pain, so in the end the collection leaves you with that motivation.

 

5.Which section/category was the hardest emotionally for you to work on? Which one was the most rewarding when you finally felt like you’d gotten it just right? Adeline

The most emotionally draining chapter is the grief chapter. It’s a very fresh and raw emotion for me to write about. I also worried that people will think I’m just trying to capitalize on this trauma. There was a seesaw of just not thinking about it or crying and writing about it.

The most rewarding was probably the self love chapter since it really tested my creative ability. It’s a difficult topic for me to write in a new and unique way and it’s not a topic that comes naturally to me. It really required a lot of creative brain power in order to fill in that chapter to be up to par with the rest of the collection.

 

6.How has your idea of blogging changed from when you first began?

There’s is A LOT more to blogging than just posting articles. There’s a community to network with, social media to grow so that you can increase your blog reach, and there’s the ability to monetize your blog. I’m not even going to get into that but it would include things like affiliated programs, ads, sponsored posts, mailing lists, selling products and services, and softwares and tools to help optimize your blog’s presence.

I don’t mean to scare anyone, blogging can just be posting whatever you feel like. But the longer you’re in the blogging world, the more you see the opportunities to grow and change. I’m happy that I’ve falling in love with blogging long enough to watch it grow.

 

7.Might you have any advice for fledgling fellow poets who are working on their own first anthology for publication? – Adeline

I wrote an article about what I would do differently after my first collection came out so I would definitely suggest checking it out to anyone who is looking to publish their first collection. My first piece of advice would be to go for it! Have faith in yourself to go out of your comfort zone and publish your first book.

My second piece of advice would be to have patience. Take your time in your writing process and take even more time in the editing stage. Lastly, I would say to really focus on marketing your book, especially before your publish date! Try to enjoy the experience without expectations of success, the numbers will come in time. Good Luck!

 

Q&A Soon! – Ask Your Questions!

I just want to start by thanking you all for supporting me to 3,000 followers! It is absolutely amazingggg to see a number like that 2.5 years after I published my first article on here.

 

I think I’ll do a little, mini Q&A to celebrate this milestone. If anyone has any questions feel free to leave them in the comments!

I hope to publish the answers in 2-3 weeks but we shall see how busy life gets.

 

DD is Two Years Old!!

Another birthday has come for dear DD so naturally a Q&A is in order. This blog is hard to stay on top of sometimes but its so worth it with every comment I get to read from each of you and connecting us in this mess of a dating world <3

 

  1. What’s your biggest accomplishment in your blogger journey so far ?

By far the biggest has been turning the poetry portion of my blog into a book earlier this year! I’ve thought about publishing a poetry collection for the past few years but thought it would happen much later in life or just be a pipedream that never came to be. So the fact that I am a published poet by the time I turned 24 is nearly unimaginable for me and super super exciting! And then the fact that strangers and people around the world have been supporting my book is more than I could have ever hoped! So Thank You so much for giving me that joy!

 

  1. Do you have any future book/collections planned?

I definitely do, before pulling together Cracked Open, I cataloged all of my poems and found other similar themes that can be the foundation for my next collection. I also have plans for publishing a different type of book but I’ll fill everyone in when that is more developed.

 

  1. Favorite post you wrote in your second year?

My favorite post from the past blogging year is Modern Online Dating Etiquette. I like posts that have lists and touch on each item which I think this post does. My blog also originated from modern dating and the mayhem it brings and I like to give advice to help others whenever I can.

Do you have a favorite article of mine?

 

  1. How different was your life one year ago?

Last August I was unemployed so it’s fantastic news that I’ve been working for the same company the past 10 months!! I was also just meeting my current boyfriend at the time so it’s pretty crazy to be at our 1 year already. Even now we talk about how unexpecting that first date was 🙂 So in the past year I’ve gained my first long term relationship and long term job! On a personal level I think I’ve been standing up for myself more in the past year. I establish boundaries and I go after what I want now – I’m a bit braver.

 

  1. What keeps you motivated when blogging?

You know when I was debating going self hosting it actually created a lot of doubt for me – it was a big step, I was making an investment, and I feared failure. It made me forget why I had started blogging in the first place and I ended up taking a month off. In that month I learned that I could never stop writing and I learned to set realistic expectations for where I want to take my blog. Remembering why you started and envisioning your dream are great ways to stay motivated! I also enjoy reading other blogs, seeing their happiness, and their own blogger journey.  

 

  1. Who were you in a different life?

I hope I was a talented artist, either in an entertainment setting or a sculptor / painter whom was often featured in galleries. I hope there was a time when I had so much creative talent that I was able to have a successful career.   

 

  1. What’s something on your bucket list?

I definitely think I want to see the northern lights. I find cenotes really cool and would love to swim in some. I’d also love to eventually have a poetry book in stores and on some best seller list.

 

  1. Where do you see yourself in 5 years?

Hopefully advancing in my career and in the process of buying a house if I’m lucky. Definitely want to be in a long term relationship with wedding bells heavily in mind. Also would be great if I had a second dog! And would definitely love to have a few more poetry collections published! I wonder if the blog will still be a focus for me?

 

  1. Have you ever wanted to write/publish an article/poem but didn’t because of who might read it?

Indeed I have, I want to show readers that relationships aren’t perfect. I think social media really plays a part in portraying relationships as always perfect and amazing and that makes you feel worse about your relationship. I wanted to portray a real and honest view of relationships. But I’m not the only one in this relationship and I need to be mindful that some things should stay within a relationship. There are also people in my life that read this blog and I try to maintain an appropriate line in that area as well.

 

Questions for Future Q&A!

Hi Everyone!!

My two year blogversary is coming up!! Two years ago I would have never thought I’d be here now! In typical blogger fashion, I’ll be doing a Q&A since I haven’t done one in quite some time. If you have any questions about my blog, book, or life feel free to drop one below or privately through my contact page!

The Q&A will be out in three weeks!

 

 

March Advice Column

Dear Dateable,

What makes for good first date conversation aside from the usual work/school/family prattle?

DD:You want to keep a first date light and although talking about tv show and movies may seem silly you can learn a lot about a person’s immaturity level and sense of humor by what they put on their screens. You can also find common ground by talking about shows, actors, and current events in entertainment.

Family is usually a common topic as mentioned in the question, but friends are also important to talk about. You want to know the type of people your date surrounds themselves with. You can also learn the role they play in a friend group such as jokester, planner, or the one everyone goes to for advice; its good to see how other people view and value your date and you might appreciate them more by learning so.

When you start talking about friends you also learn what your date does with their free time. Do they go to bars every weekend, trips to a nearby city or concert, or a laidback game night at a friend’s house? This helps you figure out if you like to do the same things and also gives you ideas for future dates if you do.

A common topic for early dates is talking about travels, they’re exciting and unique from day to day life. There seems to be a trend for millenials to be travel bugs so daters can usually find common ground there.

 

Topics to stay away from:

Past Relationships. Don’t be the idiot who talks about his ex and all the things he hated about her or the rude girl who talks about all the other dates she had this month. You both know you’ve dated other people but they aren’t here so stop bringing them up!

Dating Pet Peeves. If you start ranting about things you hate about dating profiles you’re going to seem picky and negative. You can also potentially insult your date. Sure, you won’t want to date someone who annoys you but you should find out the reasoning of why something might be on their profile before ruling them out.

Dark Past and Politics. It would of course be important for your significant other to learn about past experiences that have shaped you even if they aren’t happy memories but the first date is not the time to go into details. Controversial topics like politics and religion are also conversations that should be saved for a later date once you already feel comfortable with someone. Remember, light and fun is the name of the game in the beginning! 

 

What’s Better the Spark of New Love or the Slow Burn of an Old One?

As I’ve been on the dating scene for a few years, I’m inclined to think I know a thing or two about short term relationships. But seeing as my current relationship is my longest, I needed to call on some friends who have been in multi-year long relationships to get some true insights on that slow burn. And here’s what I learned:

If you’ve been together for multiple years you’ve probably experienced some major life events from birthdays to funerals and new chapters of your life such as graduations and job changes. We change and grow over the years and it’s important the relationship grows as well. You go through struggles and celebrations together strengthening your bond.

Common issues in short term relationships like self doubt and self consciousness fade out. All shared experiences and trust over the years have made jealousy a thing of the past. Any girl can go up to your man, you’re confident in your relationship and you know she’s just wasting her time. Your man loves every weird inch of you, and trust me, by now he has seen it all! There’s no hiding anymore, he’s experienced every one of your odd behaves and they didn’t scare him off! You’re more relaxed and secure in your long term relationship now.

Being committed to someone for multiple years gives you faith in love and hope in the future. Being able to depend on someone for anything that life throws at you makes you confident in yourself that you can handle all of life’s ups and down.

I, personally, have never been able to date someone if I didn’t see a future with them. So being with someone for many years makes it more certain that they could be a life long partner. Life doesn’t really give you a lot of guarantees but knowing that you’ll always have this person beside you could ease some stress. Making future plans with this person could be exciting to think about and plan for.

This leads us right into cons of long term dating though since having to factor someone else into your future means less freedom. You can’t just take that job a few states over, you have your significant other and their career to consider as well. You can’t just buy that new car if you wanted, you have to talk to your significant other about future housing and other expenses. You’re not just looking after yourself now.

The other side of the coin of having someone there for you always, means that you can become dependent on them. All that confidence you had suddenly evaporates when you have to do something by yourself. For example, I have social anxiety and get very anxious having to shop for groceries. I’ve now gone to the grocery store with my boyfriend a few times and that anxiety has really receded (granted probably because my focus is now concentrating on not yelling at my boyfriend for walking too slow but that’s besides the point). Now if I go to the grocery store by myself will I be pushed right back into that same anxiety or will the positive shopping experiences healed that issue for me? Will I be dependent to only go shopping with my boyfriend?
I’ve heard from lots of long term couples that they don’t think they could handle modern dating now. Dating apps seem shallow and hopeless and finding a new partner would be a difficult journey. This could make someone feel trapped in their long term relationship, like they’ll never find someone else to love them as much again.

They have forgotten that the beginning of every relationship is new and exciting! You’re thinking of all the endless possibilities and early love gives you hope for the future. The beginning is still fun and light. There’s no need to dive right off the deep end into tough situations and deep insecurities. For now you’re both showing your best selves and seeing if it’s worth the risk to be vulnerable and show the rough sides too.

In the beginning, every new conversation, date, and touch gives you butterflies. And you still get to keep your freedom too as you two dance around each other, give one another space and not trying to seem too desperate for the next date.

On the other hand, the dating world creates a revolving door of people in your life and the lack of stability and support can make a person feel lonely. This could also make you feel hopeless that love will never work out for you. You begin to think something is wrong with you, afraid to show your true self because you’re not sure what might makes them leave. You meet new people that you have fun with but you haven’t met the person you can be sad with.

Sure, a new spark will catch your eye and make you wonder, but it’s the slow burn that will keep you warm through a cold, dark night.

Monthly Advice Column!

Hello Readers!

Hope everyone’s New Year is starting off well! Some new things going on for DD in 2018 is the start of a monthly advice column!!

I was trying to find some type of website like form spring (remember that? lol) to help with anonymity but I haven’t found anything yet. Of course, feel free to leave a comment, go to my contact page, or social media pages in order to write in your question or situation that you need love advice on!

Starts next month!

The Boyfriend does Q&A!

DD: The tables have finally turned! My Boyfriend is giving us a Tell All on our relationship and I get to hear his inner thoughts on some questions you guys have been wondering! Let’s get this show started!

1.How do you feel about her? by Homelife

That’s an easy question, I love her. From the first date that we went on I could tell that she was different from any girl that I had ever met before, and over the past couple of months I’ve considered myself the luckiest guy in the world for having her in my life.

2. How do you feel about your gf blogging about you and your relationship? Do you read what she writes? Approve/ edit? by Floating Gold

To be honest, at first it felt a little weird for me. But that’s mostly because DD creates all of her content several months before posting it to this blog, so when we first started dating she was still posting about going on dates with other guys. But ever since she started posting about me, I absolutely love reading it. It really shows me how much she loves me.

DD: I consider majority of my posts about Boyfriend to be some form of a love letter and I think it holds more feeling and impact if he doesn’t see them until the finished project is ready. But I will sometimes send him poems before they are published on here.

3. Opposites attract or two peas in a pod?

For the most part, two peas in a pod. I’m sometimes shocked by how similar our personalities are. We both seem to have the same values and morals. Both of us are the type who would rather spend a night cuddling up and watching a good show or movie than going out to a bar or club. Our similarities make it very easy to spend time together because we usually agree on what it is that we want to do.
However, we do have some differences. DD is a morning person who can easily wake up when her alarm sounds, while I’m the kind of person who hits the snooze button five times before rolling out of bed. (DD: literally impossible to wake him up…)I like to drink beer, DD only drinks hard cider. DD also has an amazing short-term memory, but a horrible long-term memory, entire parts of her childhood she can’t remember. I’m the opposite, I can remember things that happened years ago in great detail, but I have a terrible short-term memory, so we balance each other out. But perhaps the biggest difference is that I know that beagles are the best breed of dogs, while DD still thinks that Shiba Inu’s are the best. (DD: You’ll come around to the truth eventually mwhaha)

4. When did you know you really liked DD?

As DD mentioned in a previous post, she had been on a few dates prior to our first date, and so had I. As a matter of fact, both of us went on dates with other people the night before our first date together. Even crazier, both of us almost cancelled going on that first date with each other. Fortunately we didn’t cancel, and the date that we both thought would be a quick dinner date that would last for an hour at best, turned into a date that lasted nearly six hours. So to answer the question, the first date was when I knew that I really liked DD.

5. What’s been your favorite date so far?

This is a hard question, because we’ve had so many great dates. Also it’s hard to tell what is considered a date and what is not. My answer to this question may be slightly controversial because it lasted an entire weekend. The time we took a trip to Upstate New York. This was our first trip together and the longest continuous amount of time we spent together. I made a playlist of our favorite songs for the road trip up to Albany. Albany is the city where I went to college, so I know the city very well and had a lot of fun showing DD all of my favorite places. When I introduced her to my two best friends from college who both still live in Albany, I was very worried because they never liked any of my other girlfriends before, but they absolutely loved DD.
The second day of our trip is what really made it special though. As we were driving up to Saratoga from Albany, we stopped at a park along the way that overlooked Cohoes Falls. As we were standing on a bridge overlooking the water fall, I told DD that I loved her, it was my first time saying it, but it just felt right to say it. Once we got to Saratoga we stayed at this cute little hotel that had a courtyard with a fireplace. That night we sat next to the fire for hours cuddling and talking. Everything felt perfect.

6. What your favorite feature about your lady? (nothing too cliche please or inappropriate) by Bexoxo

My favorite feature about DD is her smile. Whenever she gets excited about something she gets this big grin on her face that’s absolutely adorable. (DD: I remember he once described this ‘big grin’ as taking up half of my face, which sounds creepy, not adorable if you ask me…)She also has a great body too, but I can’t get too inappropriate so I’ll just leave it at that.

7. So now that you’ve found love, tell us how should we find it?

Unlike DD, this is not my first relationship. I’ve been in several others, some of which were downright terrible, others which just didn’t have the spark needed to sustain a successful relationship. My advice would be that if you’re in a relationship with somebody and you are unhappy or just don’t feel the magic, get out of it, because you never know when the perfect person will walk into your life and the last thing you want is to miss that opportunity.

8. Who’s more romantic? What was the romantic gesture?

I would say that I’m the more romantic one, I’m always trying to think of new and creative romantic things that I can do. Anything to make DD show me her smile.

DD: I would also agree Boyfriend is the more romantic one, he does it in simple thoughtful ways, like when he went on a business trip for a week but somehow secretly left a handwritten love note in my work bag to read while he was gone. He’s incredibly open in expressing his feelings for me and I can’t begin to explain how much I value that in a significant other.

9. What character name do you wish you had on the blog? What character name would you give DD if you had a blog?

The name that she gave me is perfect. Originally, she wanted to name me “boats” because our first couple of dates all took place near the water, (DD: Honestly, he realllllyy likes boats…)but I convinced her that boats was a stupid name.

10. When did you find out about the blog? by Formerly Unfortunate

When we first started talking online, I saw the link to the blog on her Instagram. I checked it out a little bit, but it didn’t deter me from going on our first date.

11. Have you read the old posts? If so, what did you think and if not, what made you refrain from doing so? by Dating Dad

I have read some of the old posts. As I mentioned in one of my other answers, it did make me feel a little weird at first, but it doesn’t bother me too much.

DD: Thank god Boyfriend doesn’t have a blog because we all know how I would handle old posts… 

12. What do you think made you stand out from the crowd and secure official boyfriend status? by Dating Dad

To be honest, I have no clue. As I said neither one of us wanted to go on the first date, and to make matters worse, I had a stain on my shirt that I didn’t find out about until later that night. But somehow I was able to stand out from the crowd, and I’m thankful that I did.

DD: I can, of course, list things I love about Boyfriend such as his work ethic and ability to make me laugh but I also wonder why we clicked so well on that first date and how that connection continues to grow months and months later. All I know for sure thought is that I feel so safe in his love for me and it’s so easy to love him back.

13. End the debate, is DD dateable?

Yes!

 

When DD first told me that I would be answering questions for her blog I got a little nervous, but answering these questions has actually been a lot of fun for me. Writing my answers got me to think back and relive the last couple of months that DD and I have spent together, and what makes her so special. I look forward to seeing the response that this post gets on her blog, I look forward to reading more of her posts, and of course I look forward to loving her some more. (DD: Aww, he’s so frinking cute!)