Girlfriend Qualities

I want to talk about how great of a girlfriend I would be.

That sounds soo conceited and I feel insanely weird for making this post but if I have to embarrass myself just for one person to have a good take away from this article then I’ll do it. And its good to be nice to yourself sometimes. So for making such a statement perhaps you’re wondering how her highness has come to this conclusion?

I’m considerate. I let you know when I’m busy so you’re not left hanging. A simple “busy now, text you when I can” message can keep a person from going crazy. I don’t like playing games. I wont wait 40 minutes to text you back just because you took 20. If that type of forwardness makes you uncomfortable then you’re not the guy for me. I don’t want you to go out of your way for me, I try to plan dates that are near both of us and I don’t take it for granted that you might pay for the date.

I can give you space and encourage you to be your own person. It’s a bit mesmerizing for me when someone talks about things they’re passionate about. Their eyes smile, you know their heart is happy and I encourage them to explore that happiness. We don’t need to be together always, you are you and I am me. Your differences are new and exciting to me, so let’s celebrate them.

I’m open minded and understanding, which makes me supportive. If there’s anything I learned about life so far, it’s that people are complicated. Life is hard and you don’t always get it right. You don’t have to be perfect, in fact, I hope you’re not. I try not to judge difficult moments in your life and I’m very appreciative when you trust me enough to share those darker times.

I’ll be a great girlfriend because I loved the wrong ones so well. I have a big heart and if you take the time to climb over these guarding walls, you’d see there’s this big, empty room with your name on the front door calling you home. If I could try so hard to make it work with the guy who didn’t treat me well enough then imagine how well it could work when you are treating me right.

Now, I need you all to repeat after me and say “I’d be a really good girlfriend/boyfriend/ significant other/caring partner/friend.” You listen well or you know how to take action. You can always lighten the mood or you value loyalty. Don’t doubt yourself, don’t make yourself small or apologetic, instead say you’re good enough and actually believe it for once.

You are a good person, a good friend, and you are important to those around you. Tomorrow doesn’t change any of that.

Please write in the comments and tell me a few of your good qualities!

I’m only giving the energy that I receive

Since I’m back in the dating game I’ve embraced a new philosophy of only giving out the same energy that I’m receiving. I’m tired of chasing after guys and tired of continuing to talk to guys who aren’t giving me the love and respect I deserve. So if you don’t answer my text for 4 days, guess when you’re getting a text back? In another 4 days. If you don’t like it then change your behavior and I’ll change mine.

 

On the other hand, if you text back promptly and we’re vibing then I’ll do the same. I’ll also give you the courteous of telling you if something comes up and I’ll be unavailable for the next few hours. If you want your time to be respected then you have to give me that same respect.

I’ve wondered if this philosophy is petty but I’ve decided to ignore that inkling. The first reason is, this is about maintaining a power balance, holding suitors responsible for their actions, and teaching them the respect you want and deserve.

I’m not double texting you and coming off as needy.

I’m not getting hung up on you, waiting to have your attention.

I’m not going to brush it off when you cancel on me last minute.

I’m not letting you get away with only texting me on the weekends at midnight.

 

If a guy is sweet and attentive, that’s the guy I want to attract and have him feel the same way he makes me feel. If a guy is emotionally unavailable and playing for my attention then you’ve guessed it, I’m unavailable. I’m unavailable for your games because I’m focusing on the guy who is focusing on me.

 

The second reasons is because I’ve recently heard the term Frustration Attraction. When someone doesn’t text you back, when someone doesn’t give you their time or attention, it gets very frustrating. You start to wonder why, if they’re just busy or if it has something to do with you? Are they not in to you, why not? Did you do something wrong? Now you’re obsessing over it, now you’re trying to prove yourself to him. Now the power balance is off.

 

This is why I suggest matching their energy right off the bat. Don’t let the power become unbalanced and don’t let yourself get obsessed and attached so easily. Don’t start putting your eggs in this guy’s basket when he’s barely even looking your way. I used to brush off and ignore this behavior in the beginning and then weeks later suddenly find myself obsessing over this trash character. We’re not standing for it anymore, ladies. We’re out here matching energies and focusing on our lives until there’s an energy out there that deserves us.

I’m happy I don’t really care about dating apps right now

I knew when I downloaded the apps that I didn’t want to jump right into anything. I also knew it takes a long time to meet someone you actually want to go on more than one date with so I wasn’t too worried about it. The reason I downloaded the apps in the first place right after the break up was because I wasn’t sure I could handle all the sudden down time and lack of daily communication to someone. 

People would ask what I was looking for on the apps and I found it kind of difficult to answer because I really didn’t know. As some conversations progressed to the potential of meeting up I found out that I really wasn’t interested in that so soon after becoming single. I found myself falling into one of the distinct categories of app users; I was on the apps just to talk but never meet up and basically just waste my time so I would be less bored.

Swiping through users was just a game to pass time and I found bumble annoying because it forced me to start a conversation within 24 hours. I tried a few apps just to see what they were about but in the end found myself using tinder the most of it’s easy, basic use. After a few weeks, I let new matches sit for days before even thinking about reaching out and in general, just spending less time on the app at all.

I didn’t really care for the conversations, they were all the same and I didn’t want them leading anywhere. Since I wasn’t looking for any type of partner there wasn’t much reason or interest to swipe through the sea of potential daters either.

I’m content to just make plans with my sisters, work on my blog, watch new tv shows, and focus on my schoolwork. I’ve been debating with myself when I might be interested in dating again and the answer is definitely not anytime soon. It’s a very different attitude than I’ve had for the past 5 years but I’m really happy with it. 

 

How to stop from getting in a relationship rut Part 1

Let’s face it, things slip from time to time. You get stressed and he gets busy and the relationship falls down the list. So how can you fix it?

 

Special date night

Any time you read an article like this, a scheduled date night always makes the list so let’s get it out of the way now. In the beginning of the relationship, dates were always planned, effort was always put into the outfit and location, and there was plenty of days between seeing each other. As a relationship progresses you see more and more of each other – the real each other that isn’t always dressed up and excited about a social night out. 

You may see each other everyday, dinner isn’t cooked by a professional chef, and a night in front of the TV in your sweats sounds like the perfect night. A comfort forms and less effort is put in to showing how you feeling. Here is where you have to learn to recreate that effort. Try something new like a cooking or painting class and you may learn a new talent your parent has and even laugh along the way. Dress up and enjoy a candlelight dinner to light a slow burn on romance. Or if you want to be budget friendly, bring some sandwiches to the beach to watch the sunset and walk the boardwalk. Maybe plan a surprise date that your significant other could really enjoy.

There are plenty of options for date night so try to not instantly shut down the idea. If we’re honest, date night might have to be a habit you work to form. Life gets busy and you just want to numb your stressed out brain with some wine and TV. But date night can be a stress reliever and can turn into a slice of relaxation you start to look forward to each week.  

 

Communicate 

The biggest thing is you don’t know what your partner is thinking! And they can’t read your mind either! You may feel like the relationship is getting into a rut and they might not even know its a concern, so you have to communicate to them the uneasiness you’re feeling. Or with all this time spent together, your partner is irritated with some habits you have, but they haven’t told you what’s wrong and instead just push away, letting the relationship fall down. 

Pick your battles but know that when things start to pile up it’s time to unload. Staying open with your partner can stop an ant hill from ever turning into a mountain otherwise you’ll find yourself in this valley between those two mountains. It’s good to check in with your partner regularly to make sure you two are always on the same page  

 

Just make out

It might seem like a faint memory now but in the beginning there was newness to this relationship and excitement of learning a new person. You might even remember that first kiss you shared. Sometimes there can feel like this pressure that a kiss is always going to lead to more, and you might not be in the mood for more. Both of you can make a point to just make out and let the excitement build again. Taking the pressure off can get you in the mood for all types of romances.  

 

Interview with Poet Robin Williams – Installment 7

This month’s Poet is talented beyond her years with 6 publications in just 2 years! Robin Williams’ poetry is as much of a fighter and activist as she is, standing for equality, lgbt+ rights, mental heath, and more. Along with poetry, Robin lets her creativity out in short stories, polymer clay designs, and hand-made crafts. This artist is just getting started, so let’s get to know Robin now!

Your poems focus heavily on an array of sensitive subjects, are there poems that are just so raw that they will never be shared with an audience?

Every poem I’ve ever written has most likely been shared with an audience. There are times I do write a piece that is very raw and I question myself if it should be shared, but a big part of me thinks that it must be shared. I feel that not only am I reflecting myself through my art to heal and analyze, but that someone somewhere is doing the same thing when reading my poetry. Together, we face the raw moments in life and I think that really makes a difference to those who feel like they’re alone in the world.

What was the idea behind publishing April Showers Bring May Flowers and Scars of Apollo just one day apart?

Scars of Apollo had been a planned announcement for almost a year and a half. April Showers bring May Flowers just sort of swept in through the window during the poetry month of April. It really all was just a spur of the moment but it made sense in the end. SoA was to bring healing, to share healing, and ASbMF delivered that healing further through being a collection for donations.

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Check out more photos from Robin’s Instagram

 

With six published collections (which is extremely impressive in 2 years time!), do you have a favorite?

(Thank you!) My books are literally my children and as every parent knows, to pick a favorite is the worst thing you could do. But I must say, yes, I have a favorite. Scars of Apollo has really brought me so much growth and positivity that my life has taken a trek in the best direction. Of course, I’m very proud of my other works, but SoA is my future and I like that alot.

 

I know you stand for a lot of causes, is there anything that’s really inspiring your current poetry in particular?

I’m at a mix between wanting to stir up some work that introduces readers to what I believe in, (I’m tasting a bit of witchcraft at the moment) and really breaking down my past year in reporting sexual assault. I think many people find it hard to not only grasp the horrible events many face, but hard to also share those events. I’ve seen my poetry taking on the role of a fighter who is many emotions; anger, guilt, regret, happiness, relief, and determination. Pulling strings from all parts of myself has set a sail within that I hope more people will board.

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See more hand-made creations from Robin’s FactioMagicis shop

How did you get into creating polymer clay designs?

It all started with YouTube. I consider myself very crafty; I enjoy getting my hands messy, leaving paper scraps everywhere, and letting glue stick to the table and my fingers. When I came across some videos of how to craft the polymer clay, I was immediately intrigued and purchased some clay the next day. From there, I went through trial and error to get the creations I wanted. It turned out to not only be a fun activity in my spare time, but proved to be a little therapeutic. I’ve even decided to include some in my new subscription boxes!

 

To get in touch with Robin or purchase one of her many creations, you can reach out –

on Instagram, on Amazon, on her blog, and on her shop !

Interview with Poet Shelby Eileen – Installment 5

I’m so happy to welcome our next poet Shelby, who released her latest collection Goddess of the Hunt this February. Shelby is really blazing her own path in poetry with this collection as she reimagines greek goddess Artemis’ navigation through her own aromanticism and asexuality.  Aside from her great writing, Shelby’s honest, funny, and sweet personality shines through in this interview so take a look!

 

Is one of your books your favourite and why?

Depends on my mood, honestly! I feel like my books are on rotation for which one’s my
favourite at any given time. Sometimes I love them all and sometimes I hate them all. This is a wishy washy answer but IT’S THE TRUTH!!! I think it’s hard to choose because I truly put the same amount of effort and emotion and courage into all of them to make them real and to make them available so their value is completely equal to me.

 

Can you tell us more about the importance of representing aromanticism and asexuality in Goddess of The Hunt for the poetry community?

Yes! It was really important to me, and I hope to other people, that I represented aromanticism and asexuality so unapologetically in GoTH for many reasons. As a poet, I want to push the boundaries of what I’m writing, what’s being consumed in the modern poetic canon, and what embodies “poetry”. I don’t want people to believe that the only poetry that comes from modern poets is love and heartbreak poetry. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with that kind of thematic poetry! I’ve written it in the past, and I’m going to write more of it in the future, but it’s so important to me that we explore different types of narratives and relationships in poetry (and other genres) in an effort to normalize such experiences outside of the standard heteronormative alloromantic and allosexual experience.
I wrote an aroace Artemis because I’m an aroace person who craves representation in strong, central roles, not just in side characters or characters who are mistreated and discarded in a narrative and are shown no respect for their identity. Marginalized people have very little media to consume that’s actually safe and authentic. I wanted GoTH to be a safe, powerful, uplifting book for aro/ace spec people in the poetry community, but also one that didn’t pretend that aro/ace spec people don’t face ignorance because that’s not reality. I wrote what I find to be the most comforting rep when I read it in other stories; a character who comes up against obstacles but ultimately overcomes them by knowing their own self-worth, and gaining confidence to be who they truly are, and encourage others to do the same.

Can you take us through your publishing process?

Self-publishing is such a unique process that probably looks different for everyone who does it, and my own process is far from perfected, even though I’ve gone through it 3+ times. Basically, I write the thing first. Once I have a complete manuscript (or at least approx. 80% complete manuscript- minus editing!), I reach out to an artist for a cover commission (shoutout to my most favourtie cover artist, Izza Thapa- @iz_draws on insta). The cover is super important to me because the complete freedom to make the cover exactly what you want it to be is a major privilege in publishing as a whole. Once I get the ball rolling on the cover, or maybe even at the same time as I’m doing that, I set up my new book on KDP and Goodreads (KDP is Kindle Direct Publishing- the platform I use to publish my paperbacks and ebooks). After my manuscript is written and I have the basic technical aspects set up, then I usually do a deep dive into editing.

Then I get a critique partner (or a few) involved so that I can do another round of edits based on an outside perspective because at this point, I’m probably so tired of my own manuscript and think it’s trash. After all the editing, I write the dedication and acknowledgements (always I do this last, I find these two things really hard to write!). Last thing I do (usually with the help of my sweet fellow author friend, M Hollis- @mhollis on twitter) is format my manuscript for kindle compatibility. When I first started self-publishing, the kindle aspect confused the hell out of me and it’s still the thing I’m least competent with so it’s become habit for me to leave it to the very last.

And after all that (that which doesn’t much feel like a “process” more like a jumbled mess of writing, rereading what I wrote, editing, tinkering on KDP, and leaning on the kindness and competence of my artist/publishing/author friends) I have a book ready for the world. Input all the remaining info necessary on KDP and Goodreads, and hit publish!

 

What makes a poem good in your opinion?

In my very own specific opinion (which is unimportant in the grand scheme of things), a poem is good if it comes from the heart and survives editing with the same vibe and intention that it began with. It’s a good poem if it expresses an emotion or relays a circumstance that I can’t personally relate to but feel moved by anyway. It’s a good poem if having gotten the words out of you gives you a sense of both peace and pride.

 

Thanks so much for taking the time to be apart of this Shelby!! Buy Goddess of the Hunt here, Connect with Shelby on Twitter and check out her other collections on Goodreads!

 

You Shouldn’t Have to Love Yourself First

Mental Health Awareness Month brings up so many important topics about mental illness and how their affect our confidence, self-esteem, thoughts, and moods. Your mental health affects your relationship with yourself, which in turn affects your relationships with your friends, family, and significant other. There is a common phrase of “You have to love yourself before you can love someone else”. I hate that phrase.

 

I don’t think you have to love yourself before entering a relationship. I would agree that it makes things run much smoother if you do love yourself and have all your issues dissected before entering a relationship. I’m personally still working on developing a healthy self esteem and there are many ways this manifests in my relationship. I always worry I’m not enough, that he’ll go looking somewhere else for better. It makes me paranoid and hard for me to trust him. I harbor on the mistakes I make in my relationship and get down on myself.

 

Not loving yourself makes you more willing to put up with disrespectful behavior from partners and that is where the common phrase of ‘you have to love yourself first’ comes from. I think it was just bad luck that I met someone who didn’t appreciate me before I ended up meeting someone who was very kind and respectful to me. Dating someone who treasured me gave me a guideline of exactly how I wanted to be treated in a relationship. If I had this experience before meeting someone who didn’t value me then I probably would have left very early on. I figured out how I wanted to be treated and the next guy I met is now my long term boyfriend.

 

Because I feel an absence of self love, I don’t want anyone else to experience that. Just because I don’t love myself doesn’t mean I can’t love anyone else. In fact, it motivates me to make sure I do show love to others. You can still be compassionate to others even when you’re still learning to be compassionate to yourself. Consider a mistake where you were hard on yourself and what you might say to yourself. Now consider your friend made that same mistake and what you might say to them. The attitude and thought process is completely different. It’s the same concept with showing love to yourself and to others.

 

Being in a relationship helps shed a spotlight on your positive traits and as your partner loves you, they teach you how to love yourself. You’re reassured that you are enough and that your partner chooses to be with you not anyone else. Your partner compliments you making you take note of something positive about you. My boyfriend once wrote a list of all the things he loves about me. It listed over 40 different things!! I can’t even tell you 40 things about myself much less anywhere close to things I might actually like about myself.

 

So No, I don’t think you have to love yourself first. I think you can still be good at loving other people. I think other people can help you learn to love yourself.  

 

Where I Ache Cover Reveal!!

It’s time to reveal Where I Ache’s cover!!!!

I really wanted the cover to be bright and sunny, a contrast from the heavy content inside. But I spent some time looking into various designs from Amazon’s Cover Creator and this just really spoke to me.

 

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Full cover to include blurb:

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What do you guys think? Is the blurb not insightful? Should I get rid of the Author’s photo?

New Poetry Collection coming out this June!

My second poetry collection Where I Ache will be published June 10th!!!!!

 

June 10th

June 10th

June 10th

June 10th

June 10th

 

This collection is broken up into six chapters ranging from themes such as jealousy, depression, grief, and strength. These are delicate subjects to talk about and most people avoid them because of the uncomfortable vulnerability. I’ve always written and shared my poetry with the hope that readers would relate, feel less alone, and more normal.

Sensitive subjects such as depression can really alienate people, make them feel like they’re different or a freak in some way, and like they have to suffer alone. I hope this collection will help those realize that others are going through this too and they don’t have to endure this burden on their own. In similar vein, I hope the topics of insecurity and grief will offer a lifeline to such isolating feelings and thoughts.

I am also very excited to progress as a poet and share a collection that does not solely focus on romantic love. Love collections aren’t highly respected by parts of the writing community so I look forward to sharing this new material and show my depth as a writer. I also believe the topics I’m writing about could use more spotlight in today’s society. Of course, a cornerstone of my poetry is love, so relationships will make their appearance in this collection as well.

 

Timeline of this collection:

Organizing Poems: September

-deciding which poems go together in a theme. seeing what other themes go together to create different chapters for a collection, working through chapter title names.

Writing new material: September – December

-finding the gaps where more poems are needed to fill a chapter and what chapters are lacking exclusive poems.

Editing: December – January

-arranging poems in an order that will display nicely on book pages, cutting out poems that no longer fit the book’s theme, formatting drawings on a page

Reviewing: January – February 

-sending out ARCs to beta readers for review, reviewing potential edits, ordering proofs

Promoting: March – June 10th!!!!

-sending out ARCs to book bloggers and setting blog tour, social media posts, blog articles, book photography, preorders and info links

 

From organizing my collection, I figured out where the holes in my collection were and what I needed to work on adding. I knew I wanted to build from my first collection so I made sure to add double the amount of exclusive poems from Cracked Open and overall, produce a longer collection.

When publishing my first collection, I realized some errors and included beta readers as part of my process for this collection. Marketing is extremely difficult as an indie author and I will definitely have to dedicate a lot of time and effort on marketing this new collection.

There will be a cover reveal on the 13th so make sure you don’t miss it!

I truly want to thank all of my supporters on here, without you Cracked Open would have never been born and Where I Ache would never have crossed my mine.

Thank you for seeing the good in me I couldn’t see myself

For so many years I’ve felt like I was hard to love

But darling, you make it look so easy.

You do so much for me without batting an eye

And I wonder if I would be able to do the same.

You walk through Hell like it’s the route

to take home every night.

 

-Sept 2018 +