I don’t know where you go
when you’re away from me.
One minute you’re here
and the next
there’s a mile wide wall between us
built with pebbles and stones
of misplaced anger and insecurity.
I test the wall’s strength with jokes
and try to chip away at the concrete with
sweet words and a reassuring hand.
First dates are absolutely terrible. You spend days getting to know someone and planning a date and then hours getting ready for said date. Then you waste even more hours on the actual date with a person you’re not even really sure if you like.
A lesson I eventually learned was saying No to people I wasn’t 100% excited to go on a date with. Modern dating really drains you emotionally and mentally so don’t feel bad saving your energy.
Now that we’ve all agreed that first dates are hard, I’m here to tell you second dates are even tougher. First dates there aren’t really too many expectations, sure you worry that conversation will fall flat in person if texting has been flowing really well. Aside from that, there’s plenty of doubt that the first date won’t be amazing. The trouble comes when they do turn out to be amazing!
Sounds crazy, I know. But then there’s an enormous amount of pressure for the second date to be equally amazing. An hour or so into the second date with my now boyfriend, we both admitted that we were extremely worried that our second date would flop with flat conversation. That, in fact, has happened to me in the past so I was worried about history repeating itself (even more pressure and stress).
After the first date, you may start to picture a bit of a future and you’re looking for clues that your suitor’s future is going to align with yours. You listen to what they say with a fine tooth comb this time. The stakes are higher and so are the standards for grading this date.
Second dates may also take you out of your comfort zone. If you’ve been on dating apps for a while you’ve probably had your fair share of first dates. You’re used to them, in fact you’re a pro. Second dates are new territory. You’ve never had to measure up to the first impression you left your date with.
There are still the jitters of getting to know a new person but after the second date you’re more comfortable knowing that your suitor is meeting your expectations and that the first date wasn’t just a fluke.